Urgent advice needed on baby behavior

Our 12-week-old daughter isn't showing the behavior she should, and I urgently need advice because I'm at my wit's end.

It's a really long story (sorry about that) but I want to paint as clear a picture as possible of what's going on with us. I really hope someone can help me, because I can't handle the situation much longer.

After a 41-week pregnancy, our daughter was born after a difficult labor. The plan was to give birth at home, but after the midwife broke my waters, it turned out she had passed meconium in the amniotic fluid. So we had to go to the hospital.

After 24 hours of intense contractions, I could finally give birth. The midwife discovered during the labor that she was a star-gazer (occiput posterior), and on top of that, she was tilted with her head positioned in a way that added an extra cm to the 10cm dilation. While pushing, she kept slipping back a bit, getting stuck in the birth canal. The gynecologist then used the vacuum pump, and after 3 pushes, she was finally out. However, her umbilical cord was around her neck, so she was struggling. After birth, she was placed on my stomach. After about 10 seconds, she was rushed to the pediatrician because she had a very gray color and wasn't crying either. To make a long story short: our daughter lost 1/3 of her blood during birth and had to stay in the hospital in an incubator for 3 days. After 3 days, she could finally come home.

The first 10 weeks went smoothly. She slept during the day, and from the second week on, she also slept through the night. Only now problems have arisen.
My husband is at work during the day, so I stay home to care for our daughter. As soon as she wakes up in the morning, I give her a clean diaper and a bottle. After about half an hour, she starts crying. And not just crying, but really screaming. Whatever I do, she doesn't calm down. She cries so hard that she turns completely red and purple and stops making noise because she can't get any air. I've also noticed that she startles a lot. She startles about 5 times in a row and looks at me with panic in her eyes. I always have to blow in her face to help her breathe again. She's also sometimes very stiff; it's like her whole body freezes for a few seconds. Right after that, she starts crying again until her next feeding.

Now, she only does this with me. As soon as I'm alone with her, she cries and screams, nothing helps to calm her down. But as soon as visitors come or my husband comes home, everything is fine and she's calm again. Also, when she stays overnight with her grandparents, there's no problem. She only shows this crying behavior with me. With other people, she's as social as can be, but as soon as I'm alone with her, it's a mess. I'm also exhausted and dread each new day because I know she'll cry again.

Now, I've read that she might have a birth trauma. What can I do about this? And how should I handle the situation? It's like she bonds with everyone except me. Everything I do with her starts and ends in screaming. I can't even do the dishes or do household chores because our daughter keeps screaming. Putting her to bed doesn't help either, because as long as I'm away, she keeps screaming and won't stop.

I really don't know what to do at this point, and I hope someone can help me here. The child health clinic advises putting her in her bed during the day, whether she's crying or not. But I can't leave her there for hours while she screams her lungs out.