Working opposite shifts

Hi Ukje,

We also work irregular hours, which means I do a lot of hours in just 2 days and have the rest of the week off. That way we have 2 full days together as a family, and the rest of the time I take care of our baby and the household. Since I’m home a lot and our baby still naps in the afternoon, I can get a lot of housework done (although my husband sometimes thinks otherwise, haha!).

I can imagine it feels heavy sometimes for you. It seems like you should take a critical look at your schedules: Can one of you maybe work less or change your hours? Should your baby perhaps go to daycare or a babysitter? (It won’t do any harm for their social skills either!). In my opinion, it’s really important that you feel good in the current situation, and if you don’t, make an adjustment, okay? Otherwise, you might end up feeling overwhelmed later on, and that helps no one.

Also important: Keep doing fun things with the family, but also take some time without them: like a nice evening out with friends, for example.

I hope this helps..

Hi Ukje,

It's not nice that you're feeling this way right now
You're doing your best to do things as well as possible, but don't forget yourself in this situation.

Maybe you should ask yourself what would truly make you happy right now? For example, by imagining how you see your family in a year's time? Still like it is now? What needs to change? Who needs to change? How are you going to handle this?

I think you should put a change in motion.

Sit down with your partner when you're both home, share your concerns/doubts with him, and figure out how to make it more enjoyable for both of you.

For example: Create a schedule for household chores: which day does what task happen?
Once a month go out for dinner together: arrange childcare.
Once a month go out with friends while your partner stays home.
When you're home with the little one, think about what you can do together to enjoy each other's company, e.g., visit a petting zoo, playground, library, or family/friends. That way you also get out of the house for a bit.

Of if you'd rather stay home, that's fine too of course

I get it, I know exactly what you mean. So relatable!!! We do it the same way; when I work early shifts, my husband works late shifts and vice versa. We made a conscious choice here. But only later do you realize how it really works. I see my husband very little and a lot of things you have to do alone instead of as a family, and that sometimes brings disappointment/frustration It's cozy enough, of course, but going out with just the three of us is just much more fun. And indeed, sometimes you get comments from others saying you can do everything on the weekend, but my husband and I work in a 24-hour company, so weekends and holidays aren't automatically days off. I just ignore those people. Not everyone can imagine what it's like to work in shifts. How old is your little one now? Our child is 14 months old now, and I already have much less trouble with it than at the beginning. I can now also do more with my daughter now that she's a bit bigger, nice bike rides, children's farm, playground, etc. Of course, it's not fun when you're alone with everything. But you get used to it in the end without even noticing. My husband experienced the same as I did. Especially because it's also our first child, and you're sometimes still a bit unsure. At least that's how it was for us. I hope you find your groove soon. Try to do something romantic/cozy together when you both have time off. That's important for your relationship. How is your husband doing with it? Oh, by the way, I went on parental leave and started working 28 hours, but it's only a few hours per week because I normally work 36 hours, and it's unpaid, but it really helps a lot with time at home.

I’ve been working less. Yeah, I earn less now, but I’m happier. I wasn’t born just to work. I was always rushing, always grumpy, and indeed, on those rare days off, the housework had to be done, and you’re too tired to do anything active.