Forum 1st trimester

Unexpectedly pregnant

12 replies

sterretje
Good morning,

I'm a 26-year-old girl and I've recently found out that I'm pregnant..

A year ago, I stopped taking the pill because my mother was diagnosed with hormonal breast cancer. I've always had a strong desire for children, but this wasn't planned at the moment.
My period didn't show up, and I thought it was normal since I can sometimes be irregular.. Now it turns out I'm at least 8 weeks pregnant. Unfortunately, the relationship between the baby's father and me has broken down, so I'm now torn between two choices.

Can you raise a child alone? Can you subject the child to being pulled back and forth? I'm at my wit's end..

Love,
S. X

Replies

  1. trotsemama #2

    Hi Starlet,

    First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. Of course, you can have a baby on your own. Your child won't know any different than that dad and mom aren't together. Make sure you have good agreements and that you can talk to each other.

    Does your ex-boyfriend already know you're pregnant? What was his reaction?

  2. michelle #3

    Good morning star,

    Congratulations on your pregnancy!
    You can only bring your baby into the world if everything is sorted out.. does the dad have anything to do with it? Or not?!

    A baby never comes at a convenient time, but once it's here.. you'll be absolutely happy, no matter what situation you're in.

    Wishing you all the best.

  3. sterretje started this #4

    Hi,

    He knows about it and wants to raise the baby together, or he'd rather I get rid of it if I don't choose to be in a relationship with him.

    I'm really torn. Who wants a 26-year-old woman who's pregnant or has a baby?

    I don't even dare to tell my family... Because my ex-boyfriend and I aren't together anymore.

  4. trotsemama #5

    You don't need to be afraid of that. Most people know that many single women and men around 26 have a child, and that's no problem.

    Do you feel okay about bringing this baby into the world? You'll definitely meet a new man in the future. You don't need to be afraid of that either. Raising your little one on your own will work out just fine, like so many people do. You'll get so much love back for it.

    Are you worried that your parents won't be happy about having a grandchild? Maybe their reaction won't be as bad as you think, and they'll want to help you where they can.

    Have you had an ultrasound yet?

  5. * #6

    Dear Sterretje, congratulations on your pregnancy!

    Just a real-life example: I already had 2 kids when I started going out with my current partner.
    We now have a baby together and honestly it's been quite difficult but..
    If you no longer have feelings for your ex, you don't necessarily have to get back together, of course..
    Of course it's good to have the father of your child be part of your baby's life..
    A child will always wonder where they come from
    How do you know you're 8 weeks pregnant? Did you have an ultrasound?

  6. Anoniem #7

    Dear Sterretje,

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! Even if it's not the right time, a baby is a miracle. Do what feels right for you, and everything will work out. As long as everything is sorted out, there's no problem. Of course, I understand your uncertainty and worries, but maybe it's a good idea to talk to someone about it? A family member? A friend? This can really help, it will definitely lighten the load. I'm sure the people close to you won't judge you, but will instead give you the support you need.

    Good luck with everything,

    Love, x

  7. sterretje started this #8

    I haven’t had an ultrasound yet but I have to go to a clinic on Monday.. They’ll do an ultrasound first and said my GP that they could have a good talk with me..I just don’t know how I should arrange everything if I don’t want my baby to go from left to right..
    I’ve always really wanted kids and they always told me I’d have a very hard time getting pregnant spontaneously.. Not true though..
    On the other hand, I don’t want to lose it either, because how would I feel then? What would he/she look like? It’s not the baby’s fault that I was so foolish..
    I’ve already talked to a few people about it and many say I should do what feels right for me and that’s what I really don’t know..

  8. Anonymous Guest #9

    I think you already know very well what you... are keeping your baby. But how to go on from there...? You should do what feels right for you; it's your life and your pregnancy. Other people will always judge your choice, no matter what you choose. Congratulations on your pregnancy & strength in making a decision.

  9. Amy #10

    When I read your posts, I get the feeling that you actually want to keep the baby. Why would you drag the baby back and forth? Are you assuming that you and your ex will each take care of the child for part of the time? There are plenty of parents who share co-parenting, and if you can make good agreements together, that’s not a problem, right? And you can definitely find a new relationship again with a baby.

    I’d definitely tell your mom about it. You mentioned that your mom has had breast cancer. I can imagine that, with that knowledge, she’d be really happy because she knows how fragile life can be.

    Most importantly, though, is that YOU stand by your choice. We can only give tips and food for thought.

    Wishing you lots of success and strength in making your decision.

  10. trotsemama #11

    Hi Starlet,

    How was the ultrasound? Do you know exactly how far along you are now? Have you been able to make a decision yet?

  11. * #12

    Yeah, I'm really curious how it's going

  12. Rose #13

    Of course you can raise your baby on your own if that’s how it turns out!! You’re 26, not 16! You’re one year younger than me and I became a mom at 26, so that’s totally fine. And there are plenty of men who don’t have a problem with a woman having a child. I think it’s hypocritical to stop taking the pill and then, once you’re pregnant, terminate the pregnancy.

    In my opinion, you asked for this yourself. You’re talking about an innocent life, not a book you want to throw away or something.

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