Forum 1st trimester

How do you deal with a miscarriage?

20 replies · page 1 of 2

Beertje86
Girl, this can happen to anyone!! Don't immediately assume it's your fault. It probably feels that way. You feel terrible.

How to deal with it is mainly talking, talking, and talking. Give it time!!! And take your time.

I had 3 miscarriages in 2013, and I still have days where I find it really hard. I can still cry really hard about it. Those days are becoming fewer and fewer, thankfully. It fades, it goes into the background.

I would talk to your doctor and maybe ask for a referral to the gynecologist. Be prepared for silly answers that you can't do anything with. I was told I had dumb luck. And with my miscarriage at 5 weeks, even more so. In the past, you weren't pregnant then, you were just overdue. This isn't so for you and your husband. You've lost your baby. No matter how small.

Girl, here's a big hug too, and don't lose hope!!!!

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. * #2

    Dear Sofija,

    Here I am again. Unfortunately, there are quite a few women who experience miscarriages and don't talk about it...
    I myself unfortunately had 3... 1 at 9 weeks and 2 days, and 2 at about 3 weeks and 4 days, and maybe a 4th miscarriage but I'll leave that aside....

    Processing the first one was hell, I felt like a failure as a woman...
    But as I started reading and talking about it, it became clear to me that it really happens a lot,
    But as I said before, not much is said about it...

    The only thing I can give you is: talk about it, read about it, cry, laugh, scream all the emotions that come with it.
    Let them out.. I hope you talk to your HA about it or that she might want you to have a check-up with a gynecologist..
    I hope for you that you'll get pregnant soon with a little one that stays until after 9 months and is then born healthy and well..

    Big hug
    Love Ju or Wel mavanmi

  2. s #3

    Thanks for your reply. It does me good to read that I'm going through this and you're right, you do get clumsy responses...

    We were so happy, I had faith again, but now I'm disappointed in my body. I'm trying to stay strong, but you're still shaken.

    I keep thinking, is something wrong with me?? In a week and a half, we'll have been together for 9 years. We're going to do something nice and hope I get pregnant again soon.

    Love,

  3. Poesh #4

    I want to respond to this too..

    A miscarriage, unfortunately I know all about it. We had to process 4 ourselves.
    I had every test done, nothing came up. So the miscarriages are unexplained.
    So definitely don't think it's your fault. It happens very often and there's still not enough understanding from the people around you..

    You have to process it in your own way. There's no right or wrong about it. You process each miscarriage differently too. Certain values can help you get stuck in the processing phase. But what helped one person might not help you now.

    Big hug and lots of strength and courage wished your way!
    So here after 4 miscarriages, a little girl of 2 months old with me,

  4. s #5

    Thanks for your reply! I'll see how things go in the coming weeks, and I'm so happy to hear you've welcomed a beautiful, healthy little girl! I'm hopeful that we'll manage it someday.

    Love

  5. Ster #6

    Hi,

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve also had two miscarriages. For a year, I coped by convincing myself that something probably went wrong during the process, so I wouldn’t have had a healthy baby anyway. (My mom used to talk about her seven miscarriages that way.) But that didn’t work for me. It wasn’t until I started talking about it, just like all of you ladies here, that I could finally give it a place in my heart. And in the end, we got three beautiful, healthy sons.

    Sending you strength with your loss.

    Love,

  6. Beertje86 started this #7

    I just wanted to share this.

    I received this from a lovely person when I was going through my second miscarriage. I don't know where it's from, but it really comforted me.

    Find comfort in the beautiful thought that for all that time, those weeks, it was meant to be this way. Your little one grew in your belly and was surely comfortable there. It's truly not your fault; no matter how sad it is, this is how it had to be.
    Look up at the sky tonight before you go to bed. Your little one is now a little star in the heavens watching over you and your little family. Someday, when you're ready and when the time is right, your little one will come, and it will happen completely unexpectedly.
    Find comfort in the beautiful thought that after the grief, things will surely get better again. You have a wonderful little family, and they are super happy to have a mom like you who cares for them and loves them with all her heart.

  7. tumtummie #8

    Our baby passed away at 10 weeks, on Christmas Day. So in the end, I was 12 weeks and 5 days pregnant..

  8. * #9

    Tumtummie what a heavy story... I wish I could say something to cheer you up, but I can only say that things will get better little by little, day by day...
    Good of you to take some time off work right now for yourself.
    Can you talk it over well with your husband?
    I want to give you a big hug, a digital hug in this case...

    My little poem for our child who passed away

    Dear child
    Like a butterfly you fluttered in my belly and in my life,
    Like a dove you flew away from me to the heavenly light,
    Like a guardian angel you are now forever by my side,
    My little star in the sky that lights up all people...

    You can always call me or send a message, I also had a heavy miscarriage so I know it with
    All that blood is terrible, I'd rather not talk about it either... So open. Isn't very pleasant.. And also very heavy...

    Love

  9. Cutiex #10

    Hello,

    On November 27, 2015, I also had a miscarriage. I don't like talking about it, not even with my boyfriend. Everyone processes it in their own way.

    Lots of love

  10. Jacqueline #11

    Wow, that's intense... we had two back-to-back here too. On October 21st and December 31st. Terrible!! The world feels like it's falling apart. Luckily, I'm not afraid it'll go wrong a third time. Important to stay positive

  11. s #12

    Hi everyone,

    I want to give everyone a big hug, and I'm struggling with it myself, even though it was so early. I just don't understand why I see ladies who eat and drink everything, and even smoke. When I'm with that friend, she casually smokes a cigarette because it's only one, she says!! I won't even start the discussion because we both come from the care sector.....

    I think I'll have a baby someday, but I've become a bit scared and it will never be as carefree for us again. You do that out of self-preservation to avoid disappointment.

    I'm glad to hear the success stories, they give you hope. I did get pregnant naturally, so I see that positively too; maybe it'll work out this time, and I think I'm still young enough.

    Thanks for your stories, even though they're intense, and I hope you all get a healthy baby.

    Big kiss

  12. tumtummie #13

    Sending you a big hug, Sofija! And about smoking... I really don't get it. A colleague's ex-wife smoked a pack of cigarettes a day! She just managed to have a baby after 9 months.. And then us, who give up everything you're not supposed to do/eat/drink during pregnancy.. It goes wrong for us, I can't really handle that. I certainly don't wish this on anyone, but if girls who are pregnant and strictly follow all the 'rules' end up losing the baby, while the girls who smoke/drink don't, I really wonder 'why'..

  13. Jacqueline #14

    I smoke myself and experienced it twice last year. I have 2 healthy kids even though I was smoking back then. Unfortunately, miscarriage can happen to anyone. I even thought it was because of the stress, being too focused on it. There were people who said that being too focused on it makes it go wrong. I thought so too because menstruation can sometimes be absent during extreme stress. Unfortunately, often nothing is found. Smoking, drinking, eating fatty food increases the chance but doesn't cause it. Recently read an online story about a woman who had 7 miscarriages and it turned out her husband had a condition that causes a 50% chance of miscarriage. They now have a healthy baby. Seems really awful! The woman's age is the biggest risk. Fortunately, I stay positive despite my age. I've switched to e-cigarettes now. And hope it works out now.

  14. tumtummie #15

    I also say that I don't wish this on anyone. I've always been pretty strict about smoking during pregnancy. I really don't think it looks good when pregnant women light up a cigarette. I think a positive pregnancy test is the best tip a woman can get to quit smoking. That's my opinion. Everything for the baby's health.

    There's a video online, published a while ago on various news sites, showing a 3D ultrasound of a pregnant woman who smokes and one who doesn't. It's awful to see the baby's features in the case of the smoking woman...

  15. Ster #16

    Tumtummie,

    do you maybe have a link to that video? I'm really curious. Or the name so I can Google it.

  16. * #17

    I already found it, just take a look. Very shocking. I saw it during a 4-hands-on-1-belly session. There was also a smoking mom, but there was more to it. Terrible...

    http://www.rtlnieuws.nl/nieuws/opmerkelijk/roken-tijdens-zwangerschap-dit-het-effect-op-de-foetus

  17. s #18

    Yes, it's indeed intense and I also find it awful when friends say the most bizarre things!!

    How quickly were you pregnant again? Givency

  18. s #19

    Oh, I'm reading it now! Sorry!!

    Congratulations! !!

  19. Beertje86 started this #20

    You're fertile again right away. As soon as the hCG leaves your body, your cycle starts up again.

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