Mother at an older age
Suddenly pregnant with a 5th baby, 1st with my 12 years younger boyfriend
SylviaGuest ·
Dear ladies,
I’m a mom to 4 lovely kids in primary school age (6-12) and I’m divorced. They spend half the time with me. Even though I’m almost 42 and my 29-year-old partner and I are being very careful, I still got pregnant. So now at 5 weeks, it’s very early. My partner and I have a lot of freedom when the kids aren’t around—we go away for weekends, sleep in, go to the movies, to the sauna. And we’re now setting up our own business together. And suddenly, I’m pregnant. I’m not pro-abortion, but I don’t want to give up my freedom and all the nice things in my relationship, and neither does he. He’s crazy about my kids, loves them, and says he doesn’t necessarily need his own children. When we started dating 3.5 years ago, he did have a desire for kids. I find this such an impossible choice. I feel happy that there’s a baby growing inside me, but also scared about all the worries, that our freedom will be gone after this, etc. It’s really a head vs. heart choice. I’m so curious to hear from women who also have a large family and had a baby at a later age, as well as kids of older mothers. How did you feel about it? And also kids who got a brother or sister from an older mom. How did you experience that? Thanks in advance for your responses!
Love, Sylvia K.
I’m a mom to 4 lovely kids in primary school age (6-12) and I’m divorced. They spend half the time with me. Even though I’m almost 42 and my 29-year-old partner and I are being very careful, I still got pregnant. So now at 5 weeks, it’s very early. My partner and I have a lot of freedom when the kids aren’t around—we go away for weekends, sleep in, go to the movies, to the sauna. And we’re now setting up our own business together. And suddenly, I’m pregnant. I’m not pro-abortion, but I don’t want to give up my freedom and all the nice things in my relationship, and neither does he. He’s crazy about my kids, loves them, and says he doesn’t necessarily need his own children. When we started dating 3.5 years ago, he did have a desire for kids. I find this such an impossible choice. I feel happy that there’s a baby growing inside me, but also scared about all the worries, that our freedom will be gone after this, etc. It’s really a head vs. heart choice. I’m so curious to hear from women who also have a large family and had a baby at a later age, as well as kids of older mothers. How did you feel about it? And also kids who got a brother or sister from an older mom. How did you experience that? Thanks in advance for your responses!
Love, Sylvia K.
Replies
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jessica #2
Hi Sylvia,
First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!
This is quite relatable. I'm a bit younger, but I already have a daughter who's almost 10 and a son who's 6, and I'm divorced. Now I'm pregnant with the third (the first with my new boyfriend).
I was totally done with kids and thought it was nice that they were older now, and suddenly there's a third one on the way. It's really nice and exciting again. We have to start all over again—I didn't have any baby stuff left, but it feels just like the first time.
We're very happy and going for it 100%.
Wishing you all the best.
Kind regards, Jessica -
Sylvia started this #3
Hi Jessica,
Congratulations to you too on the arrival of your little one! Do your kids know yet? I think my kids would really love it. I already have such a cozy family now, it can only get cozier. My partner is all over the place emotionally. He wouldn't mind if I terminated the pregnancy. While I'm scared that it would break my heart. I'd think about our baby that never came for the rest of my life. Aren't you afraid of losing all that freedom? And all those baby phases again, being afraid that your toddler will run away, eat half the Lego box, etc. etc. I have so much peace right now.
Greetings, Sylvia K. -
jessica #4
Yes Sylvia, that's right, it's definitely a matter of getting used to it again.
My kids thought it was amazing, they were so happy haha.
Now that we're getting used to the idea ourselves, it's becoming more and more enjoyable.
The first ultrasound was really special again, we're now 15 weeks.
And well, we tell ourselves that freedom will come back too.
It brings something really beautiful in return, doesn't it?
It'll be fine, it's just a matter of getting used to it again.
Xx -
Sylvia started this #5
Lots of luck and fun, Jessica, with your family!
I'm still very curious about other women and stories.
Love, Sylvia K. -
Sylvia started this #6
I’m a week further along and have calmed down a bit. I think we’ve decided to go ahead and have this baby. I’m still stressed and sleeping poorly. I’ve read a lot about the impossible choice people face when they have an unexpected pregnancy. What sticks with me most from all the stories I’ve read is that recurring phrase: if you’re in doubt, don’t do it. I hope that’s the right choice for me right now. I’m really worried about the future, and I find myself feeling ashamed to share this with people close to me—that I’m pregnant. A bit of a jumbled post. But that’s exactly how I feel. Completely confused.
Syl -
Hanneke #7
Hey, I totally get you. I have a 7-year-old son from my previous relationship, and I actually found it nice that he was becoming so independent when I met my current boyfriend. I had already accepted that my son wouldn't get a brother or sister. Then it turned out that my boyfriend really wanted children of his own, and I had to swallow that. I understand it, of course, but the idea of going back to diapers and everything just didn't appeal to me. The timing wasn't right either. Until a few months ago, when we bought a new house and really chose each other. We made the decision and had my IUD removed. I thought it wouldn't happen so quickly, but we were already pregnant in the third month. That was a bit tough because I thought it would take longer. I find it all very nice, but I'm also afraid it's going to be a big adjustment. But we're already enjoying it. In about two weeks, we have our second ultrasound and have decided to tell my son and close family then. Very exciting but also very nice. I hope my story helps you a bit. -
Shar Guest #8
Hi, I'm 31 and he's 24. He really wants kids and the whole package. I'm divorced and have four kids, two of whom live with their dad. We had unprotected sex and I had an IUD in, but it turned out it had fallen out, and sure enough, I'm pregnant! I thought I'd keep going for a while longer and that we could enjoy ourselves for a few more years before things got this serious. He's obviously over the moon, and I'm really in my insecure phase now—wondering if I really want this, if it'll all work out, and if my kids are ready for another brother or sister, especially since we already have a broken home. Pfff, I feel completely at a loss. And what if I'm no longer attractive to him because of the pregnancy? He's younger than me after all. Who can relate? We don't live together either because I didn't want to yet, but now he feels we should take that step. Help! I'm afraid I'm not mentally ready for it.
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