Forum Nice chat

The feeling that it just won't work out

38 replies · page 1 of 2

Fatje
Hey,

My partner and I have been trying to get pregnant for 3 months now (still), but it feels like it's not working :-(
I keep thinking about it, and every time I get my period, the disappointment is so big...
Everyone around me is also getting pregnant or has been pregnant for a while, but it's not working for me :-(

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Rian #2

    Hi Fatje,

    Don't stress too much, your time will come too..
    It doesn't work out right away for everyone, especially not if you're too tense about it.

    I've always been lucky to get pregnant quickly, so I don't know what it feels like to have to wait a long time...

    For a friend of mine, getting pregnant was so high on the priority list that it took a long time too. At some point, she and her husband decided to just let it rest for a while, which she did. She first wanted to go on vacation, and then they'd see what happened. And guess what? She was already pregnant when they went on vacation..
    Last Monday she gave birth to a daughter....

    So don't overthink it and try to take it easy, it'll happen naturally. And if you don't trust it, you can always get tested...

    I wish you lots of success....

  2. Fatje started this #3

    Hi Rian,

    Lots of people tell me the same thing..
    Not to worry too much about it, but it's easier said than done :-(

    We're moving into our own place within 3 weeks, and we're already spending all our time on it there... Maybe that'll help and I'll be able to worry less about it :-)

    Thanks for your reply and the anecdote..

  3. Rian #4

    Maybe you'll indeed be less focused on it because you'll be busy with other things...

    I hope it works out quickly for you.

    Wishing you lots of luck and success with the move and all the DIY work...

    Best, Rian

  4. jeanette scheppers #5

    Hi Fatje, I totally get your fear. I was anxious from the start about ending up childless. I don't want to scare you, but after half a year, my fears were partly confirmed by the gynecologist. I turned out to have PCOS and reduced fertility. For two years, I went in and out of the hospital with no results. I felt discouraged and sad, and envy towards others grew stronger. Pregnant women complained about their tickets, while I would kill to be pregnant. I'd gladly take on their ailments. After two years, we decided to stop fertility treatments because we wanted to renovate our house first. Three months later, I spontaneously got pregnant with my now 2.5-year-old toddler/teen daughter. When our daughter was about 1.5 years old, we wanted a second child. This time, consciously without medical intervention. About a year later, I can now say I'm 11 weeks pregnant with our second child. A gift from heaven, and miracles still happen. What I want to share with you is to be patient—tough, I know from experience—but it seems to be the only remedy. Try to let go a bit. Don't let it dominate your life, because I also noticed that when I finally let go, I suddenly got pregnant.

  5. Fatje started this #6

    Hi Rian and Jeanette,

    It really warms my heart to hear that it’s finally working out. I’m feeling a bit more hopeful now :-) But reading Jeanette’s story, wow, what a brave story. Congratulations in advance on the second pregnancy! I’ll definitely keep you posted at the beginning of next month :-)

    Lots of love,

    Fatje

  6. jeanette scheppers #7

    Anyway, I wish you lots of luck. It’s in the cards for you. And don’t lose hope, your time will definitely come. I don’t know when, but patience is a virtue. At 3 months, there’s really no cause for alarm. On average, it takes 6 months just to start trying, and many couples spend more than a year trying to get pregnant. Often, it’s recommended to consult your GP after a year of trying, of course there are plenty of couples who get pregnant sooner, but these are averages. Again, good luck and don’t let it affect your life too much. You’re just getting started, so there’s nothing to worry about right now. Enjoy each other, enjoy sex (don’t make it an obsession), enjoy your life, and just let nature take its course.

  7. Iza #8

    On average, couples take about six months to get pregnant, so three months is still really not that long! But I can totally imagine that the disappointment grows each time when you want to be pregnant so badly.

    I know that, for example, Etos sells a 'Getting Pregnant' multivitamin—maybe that's something to try? And ovulation tests seem to work well too.

    Wishing you lots of success!!!

  8. Fatje started this #9

    Thank you for the brave words, I needed a little boost :-D

  9. Fatje started this #10

    And by the way, you ladies have done this! Thanks :-)
    We're trying to enjoy the sex, but sometimes it's quite a challenge, you know (after a whole day of work, and then renovating the house in the evening, and then...)
    :-)

    We'll see what this month brings, I'll keep you posted.

    xxx

  10. jeanette scheppers #11

    But that's exactly what I mean by enjoying sex. Not making it such a big deal and having spontaneous sex instead of having sex just to get pregnant. This isn't pleasant for either partner.

  11. Anonymous Guest #12

    Yeah, I know, but it's easier said than done ;-)

  12. Chaniiej Guest #13

    Hi Fatje,

    I know that feeling. I had a miscarriage too, and it just didn't work out at first. I was disappointed every time, and because of that, I was way too focused on it.

    After a while, I put it aside for a bit, and now, after a year and a half, I'm finally 7 weeks pregnant.

    Good luck

  13. jeanette scheppers #14

    It turns out again that we often get too caught up in it, and patience is indeed a virtue. Channiiej, congratulations on your pregnancy. It's just not for everyone to see a child conceived within a year. Good luck again, Fatje, it will all work out in the end.

  14. Fatje #15

    Hi Chaniiej and Jeanette,

    I'm indeed way too focused on this, but I'm trying to do less now because of the renovations and moving.
    But my partner really doesn't feel okay with having to perform every two days.
    He's doing a lot of overtime, working in our house, and is exhausted in the evening.
    Yesterday we even had an argument about it..

  15. Fatje #16

    Oops.. clicked the button too quickly :-)

  16. Fatje #17

    so to continue... yesterday we even had a discussion about it, and he told me that if I'm not pregnant this month, he'll stop having sex every 2 days and being so focused on having a baby.. When I heard that, I was really moved.. But maybe it's better this way (although I'm so scared I won't get pregnant)... I spent the whole night worrying,..

  17. Annabel Guest #18

    Hi Fatje, I totally get you, but not being pregnant after 4 months is really no indication of any problems, okay? That's totally normal!

  18. Fatje #19

    Hi Annabel,

    Thanks for your reply, I know this is very normal.. But the fear and uncertainty remain.
    My sister-in-law is now 10 weeks pregnant, I'm truly happy for her.. I mean it.. but every time they talk about it or when I see her, it gnaws at me enormously..
    And it will happen every month, but I fear it will get worse

  19. jeanette scheppers #20

    I know how you must be feeling and wish I had the solution to make it easier to deal with, but no matter what anyone else says, it remains f*cking hard. You could try to talk about it, maybe it'll become a bit easier with some understanding towards you, but beyond that, I can only wish you lots of strength, success, and wisdom.

Add your reply

Share what helped you, or ask a question.

Sign in to join the conversation.

Continue with Google

Takes a moment. You’ll come straight back here to reply.