Ladies, I wanted to ask: my almost five-year-old daughter gets angry quickly and doesn't listen well in class.

Hi Lynn, thanks for your reply. Take a look at this. I also find it really strange that her teacher didn't let us know earlier that my daughter Kyara is so difficult in class. They suddenly have a development talk with all parents once a year in October, which is about the child's development, and only then did she ask how Kyara is doing. I said good, my husband said good too, and then she said, "It's not going so well here. Kyara is extremely hyperactive, almost hits a child every day in class, doesn't listen to the rules, wets her pants very often, and gets angry quickly." Then she gave an example. "Look, just an example," she said. "I'm standing with my back to Kyara and busy with another child, and suddenly I hear a child crying loudly behind me. I turn around and hear that child say Kyara hit me." And this happens every day. I don't know when she does it exactly, why, or at what moments she has these outbursts. Then she asked how we would feel if she had the social worker observe her? My husband immediately said no, I don't think that's necessary, but then she said, "But for me, yes. I can't handle it anymore. I need that help and want to know exactly what's happening with her." When my husband said once more that for him it wasn't necessary to observe, she said again, "Can you understand that it's no longer bearable for me? I have more children in the class, and my attention has to keep going to Kyara because she did something again." "Okay," I said, "then observation is fine." But then she said, "I'm saying this because I saw her clutching her heart while talking, and so on. I need that help with Kyara. Maybe there's something wrong with her," she said. "Then we'll find out in time, otherwise it'll get worse as she gets older." I got a bit tired and agreed to it, but then she had so little time for questions about my daughter, she was in such a rush for the next parents, sighing impatiently and looking irritated at the clock. I no longer felt comfortable, so I...

And then I just stopped asking my questions, and then she said, well, I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to get the midwife to

to check her out, okay, we said then and got in the car, but then yesterday we got a call from the social worker and so we got an appointment for the next day, and when they came to her, it wasn't clear to her that it was the teacher's idea. We have a new appointment next Wednesday. I hope she will help the teacher, who indeed has difficulty with Kyara. This all gives a weird feeling, indeed.

It feels weird to me because, just like you said, she immediately takes the step to the youth care worker. I completely agree with you. I was already thinking, shouldn't she have had some earlier conversations with us about this? Because this means that Kyara has been struggling with it for a year now, and we only just find out about it, and then they immediately bring in the youth care worker. I think the sequence is strange, and she doesn't even tell the youth care worker that she asked us early on. Thank you for your explanation. I completely agree with you, and maybe, very possibly, it's also like that.

for a small part to the teacher. I hear from Kyara that she often gets detention and is sent to another class to sit there. I don't know how often this happens, and I also wonder if they ever talk to Kyara about it? But anyway, you... I'm glad I heard it from you now, so I'm not the only one who finds this sequence strange. Sorry for the many messages, my phone is acting up.

weird, greetings Amber

Yes Lynn, I'm also going to make it clear next week to that social worker that her teacher really needs that help. She did ask for it, not us, and it's easy for them to dump it on us with the social worker while she has a problem with my daughter. And that's maybe an idea to talk to my daughter about the class, how she actually likes it and things like that. I hadn't thought of that yet, I'll definitely do that. Thanks for your message, greetings Amber

I'm also glad about an observation, but I don't really understand why she didn't sit down with me earlier and let me know that my daughter has been in the class like this for a year. I would have liked to know that a bit earlier. Now I'm only hearing how high her hair is. I think you misunderstood me.

I’m really happy with the observation report, and I’ll admit that I see my daughter Kyara in her story. But I don’t quite understand why she told the youth care worker that we have a problem and that she didn’t first ask for help on how to handle Kyara in class. Do you follow me? Then they could have told Kyara and my husband what the observation revealed. I don’t quite get this sequence. Could you clarify this for me, as a teacher? Best wishes, Amber

Because the teacher came up with it, I thought she had already made it clear beforehand to the social worker that she was the one who had raised the issue, not us. I do want that help, but I thought it would be logical for the social worker to already have been told by the teacher that she was the one who came up with this suggestion and that she had asked us about it. Now the social worker was surprised; she thought we had asked for a social worker.

we agreed to it, it was her suggestion, do you get me now?

I also wanted to add here that I have absolutely no problem with the fact that my daughter is being observed. Kyara is just as energetic at home. I just wanted to know if it makes sense that I wasn't informed about this earlier. I only just found out that she has been like this for a year already.

If they ask me, I think the cause of her behavior is partly due to the fact that she got a little sister at a young age, and probably too much attention went to the baby while she was still small. From yesterday's conversation, she mentioned to the social worker that she thinks so, but she wants to discuss it with her colleagues first. We'll see her again next Wednesday. I hope you understand my question, sorry for the long explanation. Greetings, Amber

So yesterday, when we had our first meeting with the social worker, I initially thought the teacher would be there too, but the teacher only wrote down some things for her on a piece of paper. I thought maybe she first needed to see Kyara to get an impression of the child, and I don't understand why the teacher wrote all that down first and left us with her without being there herself. Maybe you know, as a teacher, isn't it usually that they see the child first and then have a conversation with us? And shouldn't her teacher be there during the conversation with us and Nicolet, the social worker? Anyway, from yesterday's conversation about Kyara, the social worker made it very clear that she believes Kyara's behavior is due to a lot of lack of attention because of her sister. I hope you can answer my question, maybe I'll understand it better. Greetings, Amber

We’ve already had a chat with the youth care worker, and what do you know? Our girl is a sweetheart who, just like any other preschooler, needs plenty of attention. The youth care worker also thought it was strange that the teacher didn’t try other approaches with Kyara first. But in group 3, they put her in timeout as punishment. She has 35 kids in one class, which causes stress. She’s such an old-fashioned teacher—just listen, and she’s not interested in anything else. She gave the youth care worker a list, and there were points on it that we didn’t even understand, not even the youth care worker. "Take a listening stance"—what does that even mean? And since the youth care worker doesn’t find anything wrong with Kyara and we’re not a problematic family, she wants to clearly side with the teacher. "Not sensitive to correction"—what does that mean? Does it mean taking her out of class, dumping her, and ignoring her for a while? Or does it mean talking to the child, and Kyara just isn’t sensitive to that? So after the Christmas holidays, we’re going to sit down with the teacher for a clear discussion.

The social worker also thought it wasn't okay that she said she needed help and didn't say that to the social worker but gave her list instead, saying nothing more and not speaking with us anymore, and then we're left with her.