Nice chat
My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex.
OnzekerGuest ·
Ever since I got pregnant, our sex life has really been in a dip, at least in my opinion. In the beginning of my pregnancy, we still had sex regularly, but in the last few months, he barely touches me. I’ve told him several times that I’m really struggling with this and that I miss having sex with him, but he says he doesn’t enjoy it. I’ve told him it can’t possibly do any harm, and I keep trying to make a move with him, but I’m rejected every time, which makes me feel so sad. I need his attention especially during this time. There’s no nice cuddle, nothing at all. Now I’ve found out that he secretly masturbates, and that makes me even sadder because he doesn’t want anything from me. I’ve said that we can also satisfy each other in other ways and that we should enjoy each other now while we still can, but nothing helps. What else can I do? He completely ignores my feelings.
Replies
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Iza #2
I'd try talking openly with him about this. He's clearly struggling with something, otherwise he wouldn't have changed so much in his behavior. Maybe he's really intimidated by becoming a father or feels like your relationship has changed, I don't know. So talk to him, and if you can't figure it out together, talk to someone who might have experience with this, like a couples therapist. It's super important to make sure your foundation is solid before the little one arrives. Good luck!
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D.C.B & G Love♥♥♥♥ #3
Yeah, that sounds really tough too
but maybe it's indeed because he can't handle his feelings
hopefully everything will be okay with your relationship again before the baby comes, and maybe it'll all be over after the birth, but I can understand that you're really struggling with it
S6 on!!
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yv #4
Here I am with the same problem. I want to, but he doesn't.
I thought he no longer found me attractive with this belly.. I felt fat and, due to lack of attention (cuddles, kisses or sex in general), unattractive..
Turns out he's afraid of hurting the baby :s After a lot of explanation and coaxing, we managed it 2 more times, but now it's been weeks again..
I've kind of accepted it.. As long as I get enough attention
I have to say, I'm a real cuddle bug. -
suzan #5
Hey, I had the same thing during my first pregnancy—he didn't really dare either. But a man who doesn't even want to get close to you is really confusing. I get that you miss it.
I'd suggest going to the GP with him to talk about it. My partner and I did that during our first pregnancy; he explained in detail that nothing bad would happen if you had sex. He felt much better after that, and things went back to normal, although you do need to be a bit creative with positions.
Make sure he talks about it with someone. You're pregnant, so you're super beautiful. I think he's just insecure about what's going to happen to you two when the little one arrives. If needed, seek professional help—don't be ashamed, it's really not necessary. -
suzan #6
Hey, I had the same thing during my first pregnancy; he didn't really dare either. But a man who doesn't even want to touch you is really confusing. I get that you miss it.
I'd go with him to the GP to talk about it. My partner and I did that during our first pregnancy. He explained in detail that nothing bad could happen if you have sex. He felt much better after that, and things went back to normal, although you do need to be a bit creative with positions.
Make sure he talks to someone. You're pregnant, so you're super beautiful. I think he's just insecure about what's going to happen to you when the little one arrives. Seek professional help if needed; don't be ashamed, it's really not necessary. -
Dromertje87 #7
That's annoying, yeah, definitely worth talking about..
My husband just can't keep his hands off me, haha -
D.C.B & G Love♥♥♥♥ #8
@ Dromertje,
Yeah, I totally get that! My husband can't stay away from me either!! -
tally #9
hey same with me mine also can't keep his hands off me but with spastic bowels it's harder to have sex we do talk about it even with sex it sometimes burns but yeah we do it less but still always x
greetings tally -
suzan Guest #10
I also think it's weird that your partner is being so disrespectful.
Intimacy should be nice, and whether you feel like it or not, he should just go with the flow.
With my first, I never felt like having sex, and now I've had periods where I really wanted it, but now that I'm only 7 weeks away from my due date, that's also a bit over.
It only happens when you feel like it, otherwise not. My partner has always been amazing about this, and I never have to feel bad. Thank goodness.
I really respect my partner for how he handles it.
Besides sex, there's also other intimacy you can share. Let him know that. -
Anonymous Guest #11
Since I've been pregnant, we've had sex a few more times. But now, in the first trimester, I get really wet when I'm turned on. He doesn't really like that because it makes it hard for him to finish. Usually, he then pleases me in another way.
But lately, I've also been really tired and need to pee often, so we cuddle a lot.
Though I have to say we could kiss a bit more.
The most important thing is that we keep talking about it. At the beginning of our relationship, we had no sex at all, tried a few times but then he went to the urologist. My boyfriend went to the urologist because of bladder problems. Back then too, the most important thing was having respect for each other and being able to keep talking about it. Of course, it's not always nice to have to put your needs on hold, but you can't demand sex from someone else. It should be enjoyable for both people. -
~Kimzy~ #12
Before my pregnancy, we couldn't get enough of each other.
But now I'm 5 months along, and we haven't had much sex during my pregnancy either.
He's afraid it'll hurt me.
I tell him it won't do any harm, but that doesn't help.
I find it frustrating and confusing too.
I thought he might have someone else, but luckily that's not the case. -
a.s. Papa Guest #13
Dear ladies, please don't worry at all!
As the proud soon-to-be dad of our first, I can calmly say that it's absolutely NOT about you! It's about us (me). Before our pregnancy, we had a lot of sex. As soon as my wife started to physically change, that became much less. Not that she's no longer attractive, on the contrary. I personally find pregnant women very beautiful.
In short and simple terms... She changed from Woman (girlfriend) to Mother in my eyes within a few weeks. That's how I see, feel, and experience it at least. More cuddling, much less or no sex at all. I'm afraid that the transition from woman to mother happens physically faster than I can get used to it in my head.
Let's talk about it at home, girls! And especially say that cuddling doesn't mean a foreplay to more. That's actually where men might be afraid of. One thing leads to another, right...
And remember this well, sex = giving (not taking)!!! If you're in the mood for sex, show that to the other person without expecting anything in return. Just keep doing it, and it'll come back around on its own :-).
x
soon-to-be Dad -
simone Guest #14
Thankfully, I didn't have any issues with that. My husband and I were actually more romantic, which he already is, but then it was even more so. He literally laid flower petals on the blanket, leading through the bedroom. It was really beautiful, and I also did my best for him, doing my hair nicely and wearing makeup, even though I was too tired for it. You know, it might sound a bit crazy, but men need visual stimulation to get excited. So try to get him in the mood by doing your hair nicely, wearing a sexy dress for pregnant women, and things like that. Greetings, Simone. -
D.C.B & G Love♥♥♥♥ #15
Yeah haha... I did that too and it really helps!! At least for us
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kaatje Guest #16
Next week, Dad, what a lovely post you wrote!
Unfortunately, I've had the exact same 'problem' for the past 2.5 months. I'm now 33 weeks pregnant and I realize I really need sex as reassurance that he still wants me. Well, last week we signed our partnership agreement, which was such a beautiful day for both of us.. He's very happy with my pregnancy, but however proud he was at the beginning, he's now pulling away a bit from the whole situation. He has moments where he asks about it and even talks to the baby in my belly, but when I ask why he finds it hard to be intimate in any way, he says it's not just 'scary' for him, but that he can't function due to stress at work.. Personally, I think it's very close and he finds it quite exciting. Now, when I cuddle or kiss him, I just enjoy it instead of pushing him towards sex, which I used to do.. Because of this, he's now more cuddly than before..and because of that, I notice less frustration from both sides.. We've been feeling the baby kick from about 20 weeks, which creates a kind of 'bond' that the man doesn't feel as intensely..
Anyway, it does me good to read that you think this way when you write, it makes you as a woman very insecure. But if you think about it well, it's not just the expecting mom who's insecure, but especially the expecting Dad! -
Madelene #17
Sounds really unpleasant. But are you sure this is related to your pregnancy? Is there no other reason why he's being so rejecting? Anyway, I'd look into that first if I were you. Besides, I've never had anything like that. My husband actually wanted to have sex more often during the pregnancy, and it's stayed that way afterwards. Luckily. He also found me very attractive with my pregnant belly. I haven't changed much compared to before the pregnancy, so that could also be a factor. My pregnancies actually had a positive effect on my body shape. I became fuller in all the right places. But anyway, my advice is still to check whether it's really due to your pregnancy or if something else is the cause of his rejection. Greetings, Madelene -
Preggy Guest #18
Oh, this sounds so familiar to me!
We do cuddle a lot, but just kissing and caressing – those things aren’t really happening anymore...
He explains that he doesn’t feel like kissing because he knows it leads to sex, which he’s not ready for right now.
He says that every time he sees my belly, he’s reminded that his little girl is in there, and that takes away his desire.
I think you shouldn’t overthink it too much, although I understand from my own experience how lonely you can feel.
Good luck!!
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Anoniem Guest #19
It's normal, really. I think it's also due to the hormones that you both feel this way. Like you'll be pregnant for eternity. -
Anonymous Guest #20
I would definitely try talking to him about it, and the fact that he’s okay with pleasuring himself is so disrespectful! My husband wouldn’t have done that to me...
With us, it was a bit less around 20-30 weeks too, but we came up with other things and strangely enough, after 30 weeks he wanted it more often while my belly is now mega at 38.5 weeks hahah.
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