Big pregnancy wish after miscarriage

Hi, I also had a miscarriage in November after 8 weeks of pregnancy (no heartbeat on Jan 15). My first period came back on Feb 10, and now I'm 3 days before my expected period. I don't know if these are symptoms too, but I'm really tired, have itchy breasts, white discharge, and had mild cramps for a day last week. I'm actually afraid to hope. Has anyone else experienced this???

Hi Lon, Maya & mamapapa,

What strikes me is that you guys are trying to get pregnant again right after your miscarriage. I had a miscarriage in September and I relate to that urge to want to get pregnant again immediately. I also read on forums that it’s quite common for women to get pregnant the very next month after a miscarriage, as if nothing happened—it’s more the rule than the exception. But that’s not the case for everyone.

I don’t know how it is for you, but for me, the miscarriage really took a toll, even though I didn’t want it to. After a few months of wanting to get pregnant again without any success, I realized I was still really preoccupied with it. So I took some time to properly process the miscarriage and give it its place. Only recently have I started to feel like I’ve properly closed that chapter and that there’s space for another attempt. I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it now, though.

How did you guys cope with the miscarriage?

Hi,

I found it hard to talk about it at first, really! I'm a therapist myself, so I know the value of talking, but it felt like I needed to process it a bit myself before I could even talk about it. If I hadn't gone through it myself, I don't think I'd have realized the impact it can have.

We're both people helpers, so we can certainly empathize well with clients who've been through the same thing. I also think it's very personal when you're ready to move on. Everyone experiences it in their own way, and you're the best judge of that, of course.

I hope that despite wanting to get pregnant again as soon as possible, there's also peace and relaxation, and of course, success!

Love,

Hi everyone,

I have some bad news. I've lost our baby!
On February 15th I took a test: + 2-3. On February 18th I had blood drawn and I was 6 weeks pregnant. Two weeks ago I got severe pain in my stomach. On Sunday, February 24th, the pain was unbearable so I had to go to the ER and they said I had a urinary tract infection. On Monday, February 25th I took medication for the infection but the pain didn't go away. My doctor came to my house on Monday and said if I still got pain or if the pain didn't go away I should get an ultrasound. That evening I couldn't hold back the pain anymore so I went back to the clinic where they did an ultrasound but the doctor couldn't say directly what was wrong, he couldn't see it clearly. I had to come back on Tuesday for a vaginal ultrasound. I went to the clinic on Tuesday for the vaginal ultrasound and what was found: an ectopic pregnancy. We were devastated! We were so happy that we were pregnant and had a baby in the belly and now they took it away from us! I was operated on that Tuesday and also lost one fallopian tube because it was so swollen!
We both find it really terrible, but we have to move on and try again next time, right.
Since March 5th my stitches have been removed. I hope I recover quickly from the operation because we really desperately want a baby. And hope that this time we succeed without problems.

Greetings

J.

Hi Maya,

That's so sweet of you to write. It's really nice to know I can always come here to vent. The doctor said there won't be any further consequences, but on March 29th I have to go back for a check-up with the gynecologist, and then we'll see. I don't know when my menstrual cycle will return, so that's quite worrying. How are you doing? Have you figured out more about it?

I really hope we can get pregnant again soon. We really, really want a baby, a cute little boy in our arms! I miss it so much!

Wishing you lots of strength, girl

Love, Jaimy

Hi Jaimy, you're welcome, girl
I hope you get good news on March 29th and that your recovery comes quickly. Your period can return anywhere from 4 to 7 weeks after. It varies a lot. For me, my period came back exactly after 28 days (which was also my cycle before I got pregnant). So it's very possible your body will pick up the rhythm again. I don't know how long your cycle usually is?
It's nice to hear that you won't have any more problems now that your fallopian tube has been removed. That would be an extra blow on top of everything you're already processing.
Things are going pretty well for me now. I'm emotionally stable again and looking forward to trying for a baby soon. I also hope you can find peace with it and get pregnant again soon. xx Maya

@ Jaimy, your cycle is indeed not constant. For simplicity, you could just go with the average. You had a D&C and during that procedure, your fallopian tube was removed because it was no longer in order. I would advise you to wait a bit before having intercourse for your own health. You do have a wound in your abdomen, and to prevent infections, I would definitely avoid sex for the first two weeks. After that, if you feel ready, I would use a condom. (This is also what my gynecologist advised me.) It's not mandatory to wait until you've had your first period to get pregnant, but doctors do recommend it. I followed their advice and patiently waited for my period, although I had some trouble with that and wondered if I should really do it that way. My husband also told me then that I should be patient and not rush things.

I have to say that I'm now glad I waited. I've had time to process everything and now I'm sure that it's okay again and that my body has healed internally.

By the way, I was 9.5 weeks pregnant when I found out at the dating scan that the heartbeat wasn't there, and I was immediately sent to the hospital the same day. There, I was told that they thought it might be a molar pregnancy. (A molar pregnancy is when cell division doesn't go well. The cells keep growing while the baby is no longer alive. This can be dangerous for the mother because those cells can spread from your uterus into your body and eventually cause a tumor. You can imagine I was devastated, and my desire for children seemed completely dashed because if I did have a molar pregnancy, I wouldn't be allowed to get pregnant for at least the first year! Fortunately, a week after the D&C, I got the relieving news that it wasn't a molar pregnancy. A heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders, and I could finally breathe again and process everything.

It's quite a story, isn't it?
xx Maya

You can count 31 days from the day you were helped in the hospital. I also counted from the day I had the curettage and exactly 28 days later I got my period again. Now I must say that my cycle has been quite regular. Started with 27 and this became 29 and lastly 28 days and now again 28.

So it wasn't a molar pregnancy. Without their intervention, it would have just been a miscarriage. If that suspicion hadn't been there, I would have had the choice to wait until it happened spontaneously and if that took too long, I could still have a curettage. In my case, I got the bad news on Feb 7 and on Feb 8 I was already on the operating table. This seems to be how it has to happen when there is a suspicion of a molar pregnancy, to not take any risks they do the curettage as soon as possible and you are not allowed to wait for a spontaneous miscarriage.

Once the period is over, we definitely want to try getting pregnant again. I would be super happy if it comes to that.

xx Maya

Hi Maya,

I calculated from Feb 26 (the day I had the operation) plus 31 days, which is March 29—that’s the day I need to see the gynecologist for a check-up. So yeah, we’ll see for sure.

That’s a relief it wasn’t a molar pregnancy, phew!

Glad everything’s okay with you. I hope your period comes soon and that you’re back to 100% soon.

Best,
xx

Hi Belly Full
Yes, it's getting better now. But today I went back to work for the first time and everyone kept asking me about it, which made it quite hard for me. Then I had to tell the story all over again. It was a tough day today, but it'll be okay. I'm really glad I can open up here and share my story, and also listen to yours.

I really hope my period comes soon. We really want to move forward and we're longing for a sweet, cute little baby in our belly and in our arms.

Love, Jaimy

Hi fellow mom-to-be,

That's so sad that you've been through this too! Every time I read about someone who's had the same experience, it hits me hard too. Like I'm coming into contact with my own grief again. Which, of course, also happens to you through my words. And yeah, that's heavy.

For me, the miscarriage has found its place now, but the grief gets stirred up again with every story. It doesn't go away, but it feels okay now that the grief is there. A kind of acceptance. I think that's processing—accepting that something happened with all the emotions that come with it, but that's hard work and painful!

I'm writing from my own experience, maybe it helps you to read how I dealt with it. I actually needed to read stories from other women who had gone through the same thing right after it happened to help me process it.

It turned out I had been carrying two embryos for a few weeks. It felt so weird knowing I was carrying something in my belly that was no longer alive! At the same time, it was a kind of comfort that they were still with me for a bit, and my body gave itself a week to let go on its own.

Apparently, more time was needed to let go because my body didn't clear it out on its own. I couldn't wait anymore. It's weird, but somewhere deep down I had this urge to get it out of my body as quickly as possible, like it would be behind me then and I could move on. But for me, it took a bit more time.

I chose to use medication to get the embryos out of my body. I wanted to consciously experience it myself, both mentally and physically. I felt this would help me truly let go. It hurt like hell!

After that, reading other stories helped me allow my grief and all the other emotions that came up to surface and get them out (at appropriate times, of course ;-)). The question of why this happened also occupied my mind a lot. Once I had a kind of answer in my mind, I could move on.

It's now about 2 weeks past my due date, weird, right. Although it has found its place now, I still wonder if I want to go through this again... In the months after my miscarriage, I had the feeling I wanted to get pregnant again as soon as possible, but somewhere I also realized I wasn't ready. I think your body decides when it's ready, and when it is, it will happen.

Acceptance is heavy, and being around pregnant people doesn't help, indeed. Besides talking about it, you could also write it off, do something creative like making/drawing something, whatever suits you to face this unpleasant experience step by step. And you've already taken the first step by putting your story here.

It became a very long story, but I hope it helps you in some way. Feel free to write about what's bothering you.

Hi Mirjam,

For me, it also feels good to write it off and share it. We’ve also been very open about it with our friends. That’s really nice too. I also find it comforting to hear other stories. I hear a lot in my circle that people have had a miscarriage and now have kids. That makes it feel a bit less heavy for me because it gives me some courage again.

Well guys, we just have to get through this. X

Hi everyone,

I'm Vicky. I have an 8-year-old daughter and was 11 weeks pregnant with a second child. I had several bleeding episodes, but the ultrasounds always showed everything was fine. Normally, I'd be enjoying myself in Egypt with my partner right now, but last week I started bleeding again. I called my gynecologist, who reassured us that the chance of anything going wrong now was very small. We were supposed to come in for an ultrasound so we could leave for our holiday with peace of mind, but that turned into hell. The heartbeat was gone. I've been waiting for a few days now, but it seems it won't pass on its own Tomorrow I'm going in for a D&C. I'm so scared. After the first loss, I cried a lot but felt much better. But now, the day before my procedure, I haven't done anything but cry. I got pregnant right away after stopping the pill, but I'm already 37 and don't have much time left. I hope it works out soon.

Hi Vicky,

That's absolutely terrible for you both! I completely understand that you feel like you're going through hell. Why are you opting for a D&C if you're so scared of it? You can also take pills to induce the miscarriage. You'll get cramps and bleeding, like giving birth, whereas with a D&C you don't have to deal with that. I think the advantage of medication is that you experience it more consciously, and it helped me let go both physically and emotionally. Well, there was still a way to go after that, but it was a start.

Don't let age put too much pressure on you. What's important now, I think, is you and getting over this. Age is just an average and ultimately doesn't say much about how it works for you. If you managed to get pregnant right after stopping the pill, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

I wrote a blog about how I dealt with my miscarriage and how I managed to process it. Maybe you'll find it interesting to read, now or later, and hopefully it helps you. That's what it's there for, after all: www.therapiehelpt.nl.

I wish you both lots of strength, I feel for you. If you want to know anything, just let me know. I don't have any experience with D&C though. Good luck tomorrow!!

Hi Mirjam,

thanks for your reply. I've been waiting for a bit and it's not coming. They didn't tell me anything about pills to induce it, only that I could choose: wait for it to happen naturally or have a D&C. At first, the shock that the heartbeat had stopped was so unexpected. I'd been through a lot before, but it was always okay. No one expected it to go wrong like this now, and then you suddenly have to make a decision. I handled it fairly easily at first, but now that it's so close to tomorrow, I'm suddenly finding it really hard. I started looking things up, and now I'm only reading about those pills. But it's been a while, maybe too long. Walking around with the thought of when it's going to come is also not nice. I've been experiencing severe abdominal pain for the 5th day now, lower back pain, and I've had constant bleeding for 8 days, with clots coming out from time to time. Maybe it's too much, I don't really know anymore. I can only find support in seeing that I'm not alone in going through this. I feel like, no matter how well-intentioned, others don't really understand.

Oh, so a lot does happen in your body. Mine came out in clumps, and there was a lot of blood, so your body is really working to shed it.
It sucks that you've been dealing with this for so long, and indeed, it's not nice knowing it's coming but not knowing exactly when. You don't really plan anything anymore, and it feels like your life only starts again after that. The idea that there's a baby in your belly who's no longer alive is really weird, huh?
If you're doubting and don't know what to do, you can always call, right?

And yes, there goes my whole story.

Hi Vicky,

I read that you were hospitalized yesterday. Shit, man. Hopefully, you can say now that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. I found it manageable, had little pain.

My 'due date' is also getting closer, June 19th.
I'd actually prefer it to be two weeks later, I'm really starting to dread it. I had hoped to be pregnant again by now, but unfortunately not.
We're now in round 7 since the miscarriage.

Meanwhile, my cycle is still all over the place. Spotting, fluctuating ovulation or no real peak on my ovulation tests, yeast infection, abdominal pain, etc.
I went to the GP last week and she said this was the process of de-pregnantizing. I didn't realize it could take this long if you were only pregnant for 3 months.