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I'm going crazy!

5 replies

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Yeah yeah, I’m coming to bother you guys again with my annoying mother-in-law, I’m going crazy over that woman! She ruined my last evening of pregnancy by suddenly showing up at our door (even though we had made it very clear that we didn’t want that).. Well, 3 weeks ago we attended the wedding of my husband's brother (the first time I really left the house after giving birth).. It was a traditional Arab wedding with men and women separated.. I basically didn't know anyone and didn't speak the language. Then I was called to go for a photo, and I told the woman next to me (whom I did know) if she could watch the little one for a bit, and if he cried, to comfort him (he was sleeping so peacefully, so I didn't want to wake him up). When I came back from the photos, my kid was suddenly gone (on a plot where I'd never been before, surrounded by people I didn't know and couldn't understand, my kid was suddenly missing) well, I was terrified of course, and I couldn't find my husband either because men and women were separated.. Then after 10 min (which felt like an eternity to me), I found him, my mother-in-law had taken him to the bathroom to give him a bottle, WHILE I WAS STILL BREASTFEEDING! Well, I basically exploded (but I didn't want to ruin my brother-in-law's wedding, unlike my mother-in-law did to me), so I told my sister-in-law to go find my husband somewhere, I calmly packed my things, picked up my kid, and left.. And now I really don't want to see her for the foreseeable future.. A few days ago she had her other son call us because now she's so pitiful and cries all day because she doesn't see her grandchild often enough (when he called, she had seen him 2 weeks prior at that wedding). Besides, she sees him quite often on Skype (she lives in Paris and we in Brussels, so a quick visit isn't really an option anyway). Now I come across as the mean one because I don't want to visit anymore, and everyone hates me while they've forgotten that she's been ruining my life for 1.5 years.. So, that's off my chest, you'll probably be going crazy from my mother-in-law stories by now, but I can't really talk to many people about it.. Love, Manon

Replies

  1. - started this #2

    At first, I always let her go her way, thinking, "well, that's the cultural difference, we just need to get used to each other." Well, that led to a ruined wedding, pregnancy, and our last night together. You're right, you really have to set your boundaries clearly (and if you do, they suddenly get angry and insult you). So she didn't want to see me anymore, so she told my husband he should just go to Paris with our son alone. Well, my son won't go anywhere without me, and especially not with my mother-in-law. I won't get him back, I don't trust that person at all.

    @olivia-Anna Oh, you seem to have a nice mother-in-law too ;p My husband luckily stands up for me (in that culture, that's not done, so it often ends in an argument). Next time your mother-in-law starts saying again that she resembles your husband so much, just say: "One thing is certain, she doesn't resemble you at all!" I don't get what's up with those mothers, they all think that once their son has a girlfriend or gets married, they're going to forget who their mother is or something..

    Yeah, when she did that, she knew very well that I didn't want that, but she only thinks about herself.. She had taken that bottle out of my bag (I had brought it just in case breastfeeding didn't work out in the car or something).

  2. N. Coppola #3

    Oh come on ladies,

    Especially @Manon, most Arab mothers are jealous of their sons' wives... I never understood why!

    I'm divorced from my first, but before that! Our marriage didn't last long. I thought if I divorced, I wouldn't ruin my life by staying with a witch and a man who always just nods along to his mother!

    Try to talk about it diplomatically with your husband, and always speak about his mother with respect (even if you don't really feel that way), because sooner or later he'll explode and still choose his mother's side! Try to explain to him that you carried the baby for 9 months and that you know best how and what for raising the child, and that it hurts you deeply when someone interferes. And about the wedding, say that you were extremely worried when you suddenly couldn't see your son anymore, and that you now need some distance to process this!

  3. N. Coppola #4

    I’ve been married for a few years now. I always had a neutral relationship with my mother-in-law, but since my son was born, she’s become a real busybody! I was shocked the first time I changed my son’s diaper at her place (I was in the salon, she was in the kitchen), and suddenly she was standing next to me, checking if I’d put the diaper on properly! And it was the same every time for months! Yeah, sorry, I’ve been able to change a diaper since I was 10 years old, because that’s when my cousin was born! My son was born in November, and every time I wanted to go out with him, she’d say, “Are you going outside? It’s too cold!” (I never went outside if it was below -5°C). I was surprised and thought, “Wait, am I not allowed to go out with my own son or what?” After 4 and a half months, she’s still doing this, and now I don’t stay quiet anymore. I answered her then and said, “My son isn’t sitting around in his underwear!” I’m his mom, I just want what’s best for him, so don’t worry, he’s well wrapped up in his thick blankets. And I always get those stupid comments too (because my son is such a good eater!) “Oh, mama gives him plenty of food!!!” No, stupid woman, do you think I’m letting my son starve or what? Luckily, my husband gets annoyed too when he hears those kinds of comments!
    Well, like my mom always says, “Be patient, be happy that she’s taking care of your son while you’re at work!!!”

  4. Anonymous Guest #5

    Look ladies, it's not just about Arab mothers; all mothers are like this! Just as you worry about your son, she worries about her son and her grandson. It's actually somewhat understandable; it's those maternal feelings she can't control. I'm not exactly excusing her behavior, but I think she sometimes does certain things unconsciously. Maybe she doesn't mean it badly, after all, it's her grandson!

    The best thing is for you to simply set your boundaries while still treating her normally; with respect, after all, she is your husband's mother. And one thing you must know: He has only one mother! Try to always talk things through together. I wish you lots of success ;-)

  5. madelene #6

    You're not the only one, I see it a lot around me. Well, grandmas, that's kind of their own thing.
    It's always "not good enough," "the jacket could be buttoned better," "she's eating well enough, she's so skinny."
    "Is she sleeping at a decent time? She should be sleeping earlier."
    All those kinds of comments, I think, come with being a grandma. Most of them are probably inherited, but I think they don't even realize it themselves and just mean well in their own way.
    They think they're doing a good job; they're completely unaware of how naggy it sounds.
    Greetings, Madelene

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