Angry at the kid

Hi everyone,

I have a 3-year-old daughter named Mieke,

About 2.5 weeks ago, I was enjoying a meal and popped a final bite of whole wheat bread into my mouth. While swallowing, Mieke suddenly made a weird movement, startled by something? Well, I got startled too and swallowed too hard. I felt a sharp pain in my throat for a moment, but it went away immediately. The next day at breakfast, I swallowed and CLICK, I swallowed again CLICK. I looked around, was it a mouse? Did the sound come from outside? Well, I continued eating. Swallowed again, CLICK. It definitely wasn't coming from my throat?! Yes, so now I feel it too. It feels like something clicks/snaps/cracks with every swallowing movement. Terrible.

In a complete panic, I called my GP. I was greeted with the news that the practice was closed for training purposes. NEEE, I thought, it's Friday! Luckily, there was a nurse who answered anyway. I explained the situation, and she consulted with a doctor who was present. Maybe the mucous membrane was irritated? I was strongly advised that it would go away on its own, and everything should be fine within 48 hours. Monday it did indeed seem less severe, so I didn't call the GP, but while eating tiny potatoes in the evening, it was back. An audible and palpable click every time I swallowed. But also on the left side of my throat, everything was cracking.

Meanwhile, I have the feeling that I'm swallowing differently just to try to avoid that click. More tense and anxious. I started developing far-fetched fears: What if food or saliva gets into my windpipe because I'm swallowing differently?

The next day, I called the GP immediately, and I was able to come in on Thursday. The GP heard my complaint, felt my throat, and concluded it was just overstrain. It should go away on its own, but it might take a while.

Normally, something like this would be very reassuring, but well, you swallow all day long. And if you hear a click/crack every time, you're really not reassured. I ate much less in the meantime, so the pounds flew off. So, the following Monday, I called the GP again. The nurse read the GP's note: nothing wrong with my neck and throat. She found it unnecessary for me to come in again, but the doctor would call me during the telephone consultation hours the next day. He referred me to an ENT specialist. I made an appointment, and I can go on the 21st.

Meanwhile, it pops and clicks in my throat when I swallow. Sometimes quite loudly. My throat is irritated, and I've lost 6 kilos in 2.5 weeks. I also suddenly have excessive burping, bile/mucus in my throat. And well, nothing is fun. I'm looking forward to the 21st, still 8 days and who knows longer this hell (if the ENT specialist can't do anything about it either)

Who is Mieke again? I haven't seen Mieke for 2.5 weeks. And I also notice that I no longer have the desire to pick her up from grandma's. I feel quite angry towards Mieke. Because of her, do I now have a clicking throat for the rest of my life? Never again happily eating? Just because Mieke suddenly did something weird?

I wish I had never had a child. My whole life is now ruined, thanks to the chronic clicking.