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Why is it no longer normal to stay home with your child nowadays??

24 replies · page 1 of 2

Cin
Hi,
It really depends on what you want yourself and of course whether it's financially feasible to stop working these days...
I also stopped when our first was born... meanwhile, after half a year, I started working a few hours in the evening when my partner is home, but that's not much, just 8 hours a week ;-)
I'm totally for staying home with the kids... peace and routine, no dragging the kids back and forth to daycare or grandparents' etc.
And lazy???? Well, I know plenty who are happy to go back to work because taking care of the kids, the house, and everything else feels pretty heavy to them...
I'm so glad things work out like this for me... I'm always home, and if I'm not there in the evening, dad is... I'm enjoying it so much...
My son is 5.5 years old, and my daughter turned 4 last week, so now both are in primary school... and we're 24 weeks pregnant with baby no. 3... and I'm still happily staying home... looking forward to enjoying our third little miracle soon, and when the kids get out of school, we'll enjoy our little one together.
And don't feel lazy or weak because it's just a full-time job, especially with multiple kids ;-) That's why I said earlier that some still go back to work or are happy to be able to go to work... well, of course, it can be tough, especially when they're being difficult... but I wouldn't want to miss it...
I have to say I've never had such a lecture before... I usually hear from girls that I'm right, keep doing it as long as you can, enjoy it, life goes by so fast... so it's not relatable for me...
I'd just not engage with it... they think what they want... right!

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Iza #2

    I also stopped after the birth of the first one. It wasn't even really the plan, but as soon as I had our eldest in my arms, I knew I didn't want to go back to a job where I'd spend more time away from home than at home. I did start working for myself then, so I'd have some variety in being a mom, but I could schedule it very flexibly so the little ones hardly noticed. I think it's amazing that I can be home with them and experience everything with them, even if it's not always fun, of course—but that's true for any job too . Now that the youngest is a year old, it's starting to itch a bit again to do something for myself, so maybe I'll start a study when the youngest is three or four (so when they're both in school).

    I also think it's ridiculous that nowadays you'd almost feel ashamed for taking care of your own children. And if you do, people still think you can't do anything else, but I actually did and finished an HBO degree. It was a personal choice, and I haven't regretted it for a single day! Enjoy your kids, and you can work for a very long time; you can't experience the first years of your little ones' lives!

  2. xmiertjex Guest #3

    I’d really like to stay home when our girl is here. But financially (at the moment) it’s not really feasible unfortunately... Our baby won’t go to daycare either, but to grandma and grandpa... Luckily I don’t work full-time, but 26 hours. And I hope this can be reduced even more someday!! Love

  3. Mommy-Of-Nyana #4

    I'm definitely staying home for about a year too.. or maybe try!! I'm normally home until mid-March, and then until the day our girl turns 5 months old (maternity leave for breastfeeding) or I'll take my maternity leave all at once and part of my partner's paternity leave, so that's another 6 months extra... (here in Belgium, partners can transfer part of their leave to each other) and if I see that financially it's not really feasible (car payments, house payments) then I'll take my maternity leave and work part-time.. so I'm still often home and then our little mouse goes to grandma and grandpa...

    So let people whine about the fact that we're lazy and all that, girls!! We just want to see our children grow up, is that so abnormal? I don't think so! OK, nowadays it's very difficult to stay home, but why not do it if you can afford it financially! And as you say, housework and raising children is already a full-time job in itself!

    Love,

  4. Kelly #5

    I really can't stand it when people dare to say such things! It sounds almost jealous!
    I'm now 12 weeks pregnant and was let go during my probation period as a result, and I have to be honest and say that I haven't regretted it for a single minute. And I also don't plan on looking for another job. We've always said: if it's possible, I'll stay at home. And that's exactly what we can do, so I'm super happy about that!
    But I really haven't heard anyone comment on it. Thank goodness, because I'd get angry right away, I think!

  5. AnnaRebecca #6

    I think everyone should decide that for themselves. It’s not financially feasible for me to stay home here; I work 25 hours. But I wouldn’t want to anyway. Now that I’m on leave and have been on sick leave for a few weeks before that, I realize it’s just not for me. Every day is the same! Get up, take the kids to school, do the housework, pick them up, eat, take them to school, have a coffee with a friend, pick them up, make dinner, and then the day is over!! Every single day!! And I want to be out of it (even if it’s just for one day) to have a day where I’m not a mom, but just Annemarie!

  6. Kelly #7

    I think you pretty much have it in your own hands whether each day is the same or not. Of course, a baby needs to eat and sleep at set times, but around that, I try to make each day a nice one.
    And I totally agree with you that having a day for yourself is good too. My partner works shifts, so he’s often off. We’ve agreed that one of his days off is completely his own. He takes care of everything at home, so I can just do and leave whatever I want for a bit.

  7. Cin started this #8

    I agree, Molly.. already almost 6 years at home... but you can also take time for yourself in other ways... like going out for a night out or getting away with the girls... or the kids staying over and you two going away... it's wonderful...
    I also find it nice to go out with the kids when they have the afternoon off... there are lots of fun things to do...
    That way you can fill your days in many ways and still enjoy yourself;-)
    But this is really just about how you see it, of course... if it's not for you, then it's not for you...
    I see kids crying at school quite often, especially as they get older, because they don't want to go to the BSO anymore, etc.
    So, as always, there are pros and cons everywhere...

  8. Bella Guest #9

    We're going to try for a baby soon, and I'll also stay home with my little one.
    My sister-in-law does the same and she has no financial issues at all. Her partner works, and she works 1 or 2 days a week, and so on.
    You could also work part-time, so you stay with your child one day and your partner/husband the other day.
    Love, Bella

  9. mini me #10

    I'm just working from home, not working.
    We have 5 kids.
    We can make that choice now, so why not.
    Everyone should be free to decide what feels right for them. Judging by what you're reading, you're not the only one. I haven't really gotten any comments about why I don't work, and if I do, I'll just explain it.

  10. Roos #11

    Your story is a bit contradictory, because you get a bit angry at people for their reaction to staying home with the kids... but in your story you're actually judging the mother who leaves her child with a babysitter all day...

    Besides that, I'm totally in favor of staying home with the kids and would have done it myself IF we had the finances. Unfortunately, it's just not feasible for many families.
    This applies to us too. I work 3 days a week, exactly that, purely because we need the money. I rarely work more days.
    Because working is very hard and I don't want to be with my child more often than necessary today.

  11. mini me #12

    Roos, you'll get it right away.
    I think everyone should do what feels right for them.
    What I personally find a pity is when both parents work 5 days a week but then enjoy their child during the weekend. Does that make them bad parents? No! Everyone has their own reasons for doing things the way they do.

  12. sofie #13

    I think it's a shame that it's no longer so financially straightforward to stay home... May I ask how other stay-at-home moms handle this? Staying home for your child should be a right! But nowadays, daycare seems to be the standard... :-(

  13. merblanche #14

    I also stopped working when the oldest didn’t get a spot at the daycare, there was no other choice. Looking back, it was a blessing; honestly, I didn’t realize how rushed and stressed we were.
    Now, 4 years later, with a third child (and now pregnant with the fourth), and having emigrated to France, where we can easily live on one income, well, choices, choices. I’m doing fine at home, but I had to justify it to myself for a long time, and I found it hard that I no longer had a salary. I was my own critic; no one ever said anything about it.
    Please do what you want, and don’t let anyone get to you!

  14. asma2016 #15

    Hi Nora,
    People are often indifferent and focused on themselves. They just say cliché things and don’t think much. I’m expecting my first baby myself. I also have a great job that I worked hard for, and I didn’t want to stop. But I have to go back to work 10 weeks after giving birth, and staying home for financial reasons isn’t an option. I’m really worried about how it will go and whether I and the little one can be happy with the situation.
    I’d say if it’s your conscious choice to be there for your child and there’s a possibility for it, then everyone should be jealous of you. That sounds like a top mom!

  15. mini me #16

    What’s financially necessary, what’s luxury?
    If someone doesn’t have an extra car, has one TV or no TV at all?
    Are people working for extras like holidays, an extra car, internet, branded clothes, new stuff? Once upon a time, a TV was luxury, now it’s pretty much standard, and internet is almost unthinkable to do without, although everything is cheaper if you skip it.
    Maybe there are points where you can save on fixed costs. Do you run the dryer every day or hang clothes to dry? It saves money annually.

  16. TamSz #17

    Well, I don't think you're lazy or weak for staying home with your kids.
    I myself plan to go back to work, but it'll be part-time, just because we don't have that much money otherwise.

  17. marijkevanes #18

    I think you're obligated to your child to make sure that if your partner gets sick, passes away, or leaves you, you have enough income to take care of your child yourself. Many children in the Netherlands who live in poverty have a single mother with benefits.

    So, unpaid leave, parental leave, or staying home for the first six months – everyone should figure that out for themselves. But be smart about your own financial independence. Especially in the interest of your child.

  18. Anonymous Guest #19

    I'll keep working, but more for the social contact and because I enjoy my job. Since my little one will probably be an only child for personal reasons, I don't mind sending her to daycare later on. That way she can also make friends and learn to play together and share with other kids. But I only work part-time, so most of the time we take care of our little wonder ourselves. I think everyone should decide for themselves whether to stay at home or go to work. My husband would really like me to stay home, but I don't think that's financially practical because he's a temp worker and therefore doesn't have financial security. I do have a permanent contract, but it's not possible to work full-time in my job, and I don't want the stress of two jobs. So he can't be a stay-at-home dad either. Besides, then it would be a chaotic household, and I'm not looking forward to that

  19. penny Guest #20

    I'm also planning to stay home after my daughter is born. If it's (financially) possible, why not?

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