Forum From toddler to preschooler

Was really angry at the toddler and now I have a knot in my stomach.

8 replies

LisaGuest ·
Hi forum members,
I'm a mom to a 4.5-year-old girl and a 4-month-old boy. Our girl is very energetic and has been thrown off rhythm by all the corona issues. We've been through a tough time with a conception journey, and after being overjoyed with the birth of our son, my husband had a severe burnout. The last few months, everyone has been walking on eggshells, and I'm realizing that I'm now the one who's running on empty. This morning, because of this, I completely lost it with our daughter, screamed a lot, and nearly jumped out of my skin. She was really startled by me, and I was too. Once I calmed down, I called her to me, apologized a hundred times, and broke down in tears, which made her cry too. Now I've had a huge sense of guilt all afternoon, feel like such a bad mother, and so guilty. I'm so scared that she's now afraid of me and wonder if I've damaged her trust?
I know it was so wrong and already feel so guilty, so please be gentle in your comments :-(
Fortunately, we had a nice day otherwise, and I didn't notice anything with her, but she is a bit clingier than usual.

Replies

  1. Most15 #2

    Dear mom,

    First of all: you're human, and the fact that you feel awful about this incident says a lot about what kind of mother you are.
    I'm a mom to three kids now, and oh, how I grumbled when I was just pregnant with the third one, and yes, sometimes I even shouted out of pure helplessness at my two oldest, both toddlers. In the evenings, I'd end up crying on the couch, feeling so guilty.
    Please don't feel guilty, and no, she's not scared of you right away.
    Again: you're human too, and from what I read, you've been through a lot. So... put that guilt aside, grab a chocolate bar, and enjoy some Netflix, because you deserve it
    Big hug!

  2. Lisa started this #3

    Sisters, what a lovely, heartwarming response. And as silly as it may sound, it comforts me to know that you’ve also lost your temper sometimes. I know this must never happen again, and that children should never be the ones to suffer when mom or dad isn’t feeling okay.

    For me, it’s a tough lesson to learn: to step back when I’m frustrated and count to ten. But yeah, that’s easier said than done. Sometimes it’s already out before you even have time to think about it.

    Thanks again for your kind words.????

  3. Anonymous Guest #4

    Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a big hug and cry it out.

    You're allowed to get really, really angry sometimes. As long as it's not every day and it's not extreme. Explain to her what's happening with you. That emotions are part of it and what you're going to try to do next time. That way you also teach her what emotions are, that everyone has them, and how to deal with them.

    I'd almost bet that this happens in every household at least once. Especially now with corona, let alone what you've had to deal with on top of that. Long process, neighbors out. A newborn baby, hormones, and another lockdown.

    As far as I can judge, I think you're actually a good mother. You show your own emotions, explain things to her. Say sorry and make it right. You feel guilty, which only shows that you're a good mother.

    Be extra kind to yourself tonight, so you can sleep well at night.

    Big hug from me!

    It's also happened to me quite a bit. I've also given a smack now and then. But I'm and remain just a human being.

  4. Lisa started this #5

    Anonymous: Thank you for your kind reply. I just wanted to vent a bit, but it’s also quite nerve-wracking. Nowadays, the "mother mafia" seems more present than ever, but it feels good to hear that this happens to every mother at some point. I did cry quite a bit with my husband, and reading such posts here reminds me that I shouldn’t take things so hard and try to let things go a bit more.

    My husband and I have also decided that I need to make more time for my own things. If I’m more rested and can do my own thing more often, I’ll feel better in my own skin and be a happier mom who can handle more.

    Unfortunately, I’m now dealing with the aftermath of the past three years and need to hit the brakes for a while.

    Thank you all.????

  5. Schuimpie #6

    Lisa, it happens to all of us, don't let yourself get worked up by the perfect picture that's often shown to the outside world...

    Here's a daughter of almost 2.5 who recently flew off the handle at me. I have 2 horses behind me and she knows she's not allowed to go into the stable without me, normally she absolutely can't go in alone but well... We were busy packing feed, I apparently hadn't closed 1 stable door properly, literally looked away for 5 seconds and my 2-year-old is in the stable and walks UNDER the belly of my horse!! I grabbed her by the reaction on her jacket and pulled her to the side with a good yell. Never been so grateful for the golden character of that horse. Literally trembling on my legs, girl crying and mama too of course...
    Just caught my breath and then calmly explained that mama was very startled because she did something very dangerous. Believe that my trauma will stay with me for life, she forgot everything after 5 minutes.

    Don't be too hard on yourself, sometimes moms are real people...

  6. Anonymous Guest #7

    The mom mafia also does things that don't make them happy.

    Of course, you're getting the shock now. You've just given birth. You've probably kept all the balls in the air for the last few months/years. Now it's your turn. And that's okay and necessary. I got mine a few years back. I'm so happy about it now.

    Consider seeking help to talk things through. Schedule half an hour for yourself every day and once a week for longer. Take your time to process everything.
    Your thoughts/feelings are real and should be acknowledged. Work through them, feel them, embrace them, and then let them go.

    Sending lots of strength and love! Enjoy everything that brings you a smile.
    . another big hug

  7. Lisa started this #8

    Thank you all so much, what lovely messages. I still feel pretty awful about it, but I also notice that my daughter no longer waits for the 3rd warning. I don’t believe she’s afraid of me anymore, but I still stand by the fact that I was extremely intense.

    I can clearly see that I’m running out of steam; I can’t take any more right now, so I need to take a step back.

    Your messages really give me support, and it’s good to know that we all make big mistakes sometimes. Parenting is beautiful, but it also makes you incredibly vulnerable.

  8. Anoniem92 #9

    ‘Nice’ to read that I’m not the only one.

    I think this corona time is asking more of us than we realize. Normally, we all have a little moment for ourselves, even if it’s just the commute to and from work. Now you’re always mom and never just yourself, just a woman. And if you’re already completely burnt out, you also have to work from home. (With exceptions, of course.) And the kids, they’re also ‘affected’ by it—normally, mom doesn’t see every little mischievous thing they do. If they’re naughty at school, that doesn’t always have consequences at home. And if they’re sweet afterward at home, that’s a good day. (While that wasn’t the case all day long.)

    I think we need to get through this time. And hopefully, our children will understand us, and we’ll try to understand them.

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