Baby wishes on hold for now.

We've put our baby wish on hold due to health reasons, related to an autoimmune disease. With our first child, it was a miracle after going through endometriosis and surgery. Now, we haven't told anyone about our wish for a second child. I'm not allowed to get pregnant right now due to medication for my autoimmune disease... I hope the endometriosis doesn't come back. In short, I want to get pregnant as soon as possible, if it's safe to do so. It doesn't dominate my life. I enjoy my healthy child. But I just needed to share this. Around me, I hear people complaining because their second child doesn't sleep well, while their first did... Or they complain about the pregnancy because they didn't have those issues with their first. Then I think 'be happy you have two kids'. Sometimes my in-laws make hurtful remarks 'yes, you're right, but you only have one, so you can do that... Blabla' (e.g., go exercise) or my mother-in-law who often says (we have a big family) 'you'll see, they have one child now, it won't be long before a second one comes, I'm sure of it' .. so she assumes that couples will definitely have a second child and takes it for granted that it's easy for everyone... I sometimes feel hurt when she says 'yes, that's a real mother hen, she'll surely buy another child' ...

Friends who ask me bluntly if we want a second one, because they really do, say then. I answer lightly 'oh, I don't know yet actually' I really don't know... I know I want it, but not if it will work for us, my first pregnancy they gave me very little chance to get pregnant naturally. I fear whether it will work twice. My husband doesn't see IVF well (emotionally).

I often feel like a failure...
I know this feeling isn't justified...
But I just wanted to get it off my chest.