HCG levels on the high side

Hi EveS

In 2018 everything went perfectly. The big glucose test was fine. On all the ultrasounds she was growing well and was healthy. I only had to come back for the big sugar test, but hey, no worries, the small sugar test is often false positive. I had a nice big belly (Are you almost 6 months pregnant?) Yes! I smiled proudly with my big belly. I also had to keep working as a nurse until 6 months on a geriatric ward. Everyone can do it, why couldn't I?
Until a Friday. I had just finished the big sugar test. However, I felt completely awful. I still had 2 weeks left to work but I couldn't manage it. I was exhausted. I went to the GP that day. That same night I was on the labor ward emergency. "Madam, you know you're in labor?" the doctor told me calmly. "Labor?! It's way too early! Give me some tocolytics!" I shouted back. Between 24 and 25 weeks, the doctor asks you a question on the labor ward, EveS. Can you imagine what that question was?
We decided that if our daughter cried, we would do everything possible. And that's exactly what happened two days later. Yes, you read that right, for 2 days I lay on that labor bed with an epidural they only wanted to insert at 9.00 AM because they expected it to happen 'quickly'. Eventually the epidural only worked half because the bag leaked. By the way, I only had little warmth/cold sensation left in it. Something that turns out to happen more often.
When she was born at 25 weeks and installed in neonatology, it turned out something was wrong with our daughter. She had esophageal atresia with a suspected fistula to the trachea. This condition means that the esophagus is not connected to the stomach. I assume I don't need to explain to you what the consequences are. It was missed on the 20-week ultrasound. For that ultrasound, they have to check if the stomach is filled. I was also thicker than normal which can happen with esophageal atresia because the fetus normally drinks amniotic fluid which drives off the excess water. There were talks of surgeries in Brussels. With my medical background, I already knew it wasn't just 'quickly' sewing the esophagus to the stomach.
The next day, the neonatologist came to tell me that important parts of her brain were dying on the ultrasound. Laura would undoubtedly be severely physically and mentally disabled. I suspect they had trouble intubating. Then you get that question again, EveS. My husband and I decided to let our daughter go. She had no quality of life. I can assure you, EveS, it wasn't a nightmare because everything was indeed raw and real. It was hell. The only positive thing about all this is that my 62-year-old father-in-law was able to see his first grandchild before he unexpectedly passed away less than two months later. We saw black snow...
From the results of the placenta which was examined, it turned out there was an infection. (I also had a fever during labor.) However, I didn't have a urinary tract infection nor had I had many sexual relations around that time. God knows where that came from. I also had gestational diabetes even though I don't fit the profile for it. Laura was put under a deep scan and blood was sent to Leuven. She was genetically healthy. My conclusion is therefore that it was environment-related. I don't smoke or drink. I even used paraben-free shampoos. No raw eggs, no meat. I washed my vegetables, checked if there was raw milk in the products. I had to paint but of course I refused! I put the door shut and stuffed it under the door so I wouldn't come into contact with those products. I drank caffeine-free stuff etc... etc...
The only thing I hadn't done was to stop working immediately. On a geriatric ward, we come into contact with everything. Detergents like hac, cleanel wipes, various disinfectants, crushed medications etc... We also come into contact with various diseases. The occupational health doctor says you shouldn't come into contact with airborne pathogens, but half the staff is coughing! MRSA is apparently no problem for pregnant women if you follow the rules. Yet some MRSA+ patients are allowed to wander the hallway due to lax restraint policies. The geriatric patients are also an aggressive patient population because they often get delirium. They are anxious and in panic. They get a fight or flight reaction. It happens that we have bruises from dodging pinches, punches, knees, or walking sticks. And then I won't even mention that I have to haul and pull people who are twice as heavy as me. I like my job, but this is no place for a pregnant woman. So I told the ward that if I get pregnant again, I'll stop working immediately.
A little over a year later, it was time and I got pregnant again right before my leave. I let my ward know that I would stay home after my leave. I did get some light bleeding fairly quickly. A smear and then it was over. Of course, I knew this wasn't a good sign and called the hospital. They said it had a 50/50 chance of being a miscarriage but told me to wait until my first appointment with the gynecologist. Those were loooong days. I assure you! It was ultimately a miscarriage and I had a curettage. My leave was ruined and point made, I let my team down while I could

I was crazy once. Never again!

Because I feel that my job involves risks that I've explained in my post above, I'm indeed staying home. It's all well thought out. But if you're jealous of a mother who lost her baby and therefore wants to put everything she's got (and yes, I can and will go to great lengths, motherly instinct?) into giving her other child every chance this time to be born healthy... Then the only one who's crazy isn't the world, okay?
I'm seizing every bit of success I can get this time, so thanks Anonymous (Guest) if you really are that anonymous.

I understand you're looking for reassurance. By the way, the tip to get hCG levels checked came from my colleague who got pregnant through IVF. That helped her feel more at ease too. I wish you both a healthy little one.

My colleagues are awesome! Unlike you, they all show understanding, as does my department head. Thanks to her, I can easily stay home. They genuinely hope everything will work out well.
And what have you been through? Tell us about it! I see misery because I work there. People who have really experienced hardship don’t react the way you do. So your misery will probably not be that bad after all.