Forum Biechthoekje

text with colleague

27 replies · page 1 of 2

MyrteGuest ·
How would you react to :* Xxx at the end of a text message?
I received this from my male colleague. I'm married, and he's single, but he knows I'm married. Now I feel a bit awkward after his text.
How would you interpret that, and how would you respond?

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Anonymous Guest #2

    Often the crosses stand for kisses... if you don't want that (it's not in your message), I'd ignore it now. If he does it more often, let him know that you're not interested in that kind of message. What was the topic of his message?

  2. madelene #3

    Thanks for your reply, anonymous.
    Here's the thing: we had a few conversations during the smoke breaks about normal stuff, like holidays, the weather, and my family.
    I'm married and have kids, he knows that.
    Then I texted him: "Quick question, you haven't told anyone else that I have your number, right?"
    He texted back: "No, why?"
    I said: "No, just to be safe, better not. People might think the wrong things about me."
    Then he replied: "Oh, no, no one told." I texted back: "Okay, good."
    And then he texted back again: * Xxx

  3. Mimi #4

    Hmmm, normally I’d agree with Anoniempje’s advice. But I have to admit that keeping it a secret that you have his number (and emphasizing via SMS that it must remain secret with him, in a way that makes it seem like you’re really worried about it) exactly gives the impression that there’s something more going on. Why shouldn’t anyone know? If you’re just friends, isn’t it totally normal to have each other’s numbers?
    (I’ve had that from about 20 male colleagues myself...)

    So my advice would be:
    1 - Stop hiding it: Just say that you have each other’s numbers. That way he can’t hope that you’re keeping it secret because maybe something more could blossom. If you find this really weird: maybe start a work app group and include more people, so you don’t even have to say it so clearly, but it’s logical that you have his number.
    2 - Follow Anoniempje’s advice further: Ignore him and only say something if it happens more often.
    3 - And very important: if you haven’t done this yet, discuss it with your husband. If the colleague wants more at some point, you can talk about it with him too. That way your husband knows that from your side it has always been purely friendly.

    I speak from experience. A friend of mine was in such a situation. They both had relationships, but took breaks from time to time. In the end, he hoped for more. Especially the third point was nice, now she could share it honestly with her husband.

  4. madelene #5

    Thank you, anonymous, for your detailed explanation
    So you mean I gave him the wrong signal by making it clear to him to keep it a secret?
    Is that what you mean?
    The reason I prefer to keep it secret is because my husband is quite jealous and doesn't believe in friendship between men and women, hence my request to him. And he also knows that my husband is a jealous type.
    Through the Xxx, I'm not sure anymore whether that colleague sees our contact as friendly or not.

  5. madelene #6

    And this sign he sent after it:*

  6. Mimi #7

    Oh, that does make it a bit more difficult, especially if your husband doesn't approve anyway.

    Then I find it hard to give advice. At least, I'd say something if he does it more than once. But I have no experience with a jealous man, so I can't really put myself in your shoes to give valuable advice ... Sorry...

  7. madelene #8

    No worries, I appreciate your honesty and thanks for thinking along with me

  8. madelene #9

    But do you think my colleague sees me as a friend?
    Or should I interpret it differently now?

  9. Mimi #10

    That's hard to say. It's not 100% certain, anyway.

    But the most important thing is that you see him as a friend. The worst that can happen is that he gets disappointed if the feelings aren't mutual, right?

  10. madelene #11

    Right, he hasn't sent me any more texts since Tuesday. After that, he only wrote that I could talk to him if I wanted. Then I stopped replying to his XXX. Now we ran into each other at work, just passing by. We greeted each other, but otherwise he didn't say anything, and I didn't either. I think I'll just leave it like this and keep my distance.

  11. madelene #12

    Just to make sure I don’t give the wrong impression.

  12. madelene #13

    He's 27 and I'm 34, by the way.
    I should be the wiser one, but sometimes I don't know how to react in situations with men either.

  13. Mimi #14

    Well, that's definitely a safe solution!

    And I don't think you acted terribly at all !

  14. Anonymous Guest #15

    I find all the reactions a bit over the top? I often send xxx to others, and others send it to me too. And it’s the same with my boyfriend! But we’re also 27, so maybe that’s just more typical for our age?
    Anyway, I wouldn’t read anything into it if a colleague sent me something like that let alone that it would bother me.

  15. Liesbeth #16

    That's not such a big deal. It's often just a habit people have. If it stays like that, I wouldn't worry about it at all

  16. Mimi #17

    I’d find it a bit weird if my colleagues sent me kisses (not from real friends). But as I said, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it right away, no. But if she’s bothered by it, I’d say something after a few times, otherwise it’ll just get awkward.

    My friend felt very guilty afterward because she had the feeling that she hadn’t been clear enough. I can imagine it would have been even worse if her husband didn’t know anything about it. I was trying to prevent that a bit.

    And I’m 29, so I’m pretty close to the age of 27, you know ! And I actually never send xxx kisses (but I also never text, only chat).

    Did I come across as SO old, hehe ?

  17. madelene #18

    Yeah haha funny, right? It sometimes comes across very differently online through a screen????

  18. Anonymous Guest #19

    That's really tough for your Madelene! Did you get any more messages from him?

  19. Puck #20

    I find it much weirder and more like flirting to ask if he’s keeping it secret that you have his number than just sending a few kisses. If there’s something going on between you two, I think you started it yourself. The fact that you’re so worked up about it (what’s this even about?) tells me you actually like the attention. Are you sure you don’t have feelings for him anymore?

    If you want to know if those kisses mean something, just ask him. You could just tell him you don’t want anything to do with him. But it all sounds very teen-like to me, so personally I’d stop worrying about nothing.

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