Big drama with toddler during dinner

I actually don't understand why you feel guilty! I think being consistent is really important; if you've said one bite, then that's what it should be. Don't give in; your little one needs to learn that she's not the boss!

Of course, it's nicer to keep things cozy at the table! But coziness shouldn't come at the expense of consistency. I probably wouldn't make a fuss over every single bite myself, but I would set a clear rule. For example: only give dessert if the (small) plate with vegetables is empty. And then don't make a big deal about it the previous times, just; not eating? Too bad, no dessert for you, and that's it. And if the child throws a tantrum, don't give in; after a few days, she'll surely get the hang of it.
Good luck!

You can't influence a few things, including eating... being consistent is good, but only at the right moments, and mealtime isn't one of them... what you're doing by approaching mealtime this way is creating a negative association with that moment, which makes things go from bad to worse... besides, forcing is pointless because in the worst case scenario they give in, and everything was for nothing... offer small portions and don't offer what they really like, so they leave the rest untouched. E.g., offer veggies and meat, no potatoes... if they've eaten a few bites of that, then bring out the potatoes... if they don't eat them, don't eat them... after 2 or 3 days, they'll really understand that they won't get anything else and that they'll go to bed hungry otherwise... it's a bit of a tough slog, but then you'll benefit from it... by the way, in my opinion, dessert isn't an option... dessert isn't a reward but part of the meal, just like an appetizer.

For me it's like this: try at least 2 bites. If you don't try it, then no dessert. And if you really don't like it, then that's okay. Then you eat what you do like.
For me, they both eat very well. Never had any more problems. Stay consistent!
Don't feel guilty, you're doing your best too. You really want them to eat vegetables, and rightly so! It's just healthy, some things they need to learn to eat and that can only be done by keeping on trying.

She probably still thinks you're very sweet.
Good luck.

Hi Hellen,

This time won't really matter to her. She's probably already forgotten about it today. The important thing is that you see this isn't working and next time you'll handle it differently.

My oldest, just turned 3, sometimes doesn't want to come to the table to eat or indeed doesn't want to eat. At first, I found that difficult too and would get into a battle over it.

Now I think, "Fine, then don't come," and he comes in a few minutes later. Too bad if your food gets cold. This brings a lot of calm for both of us. Same with not wanting to eat; he'll get his dessert then, but sometimes when he's in bed he says he's hungry. Then I'm consistent and say, "Well, you should have finished your plate." You can have some water, but nothing more. Because I'm clear about it, he accepts it. If he doesn't want to eat one time, I also say that he'll be hungry later and won't get anything. He knows I mean it, and sometimes he does eat, but sometimes he doesn't. They can manage perfectly well without food, even several times in a row. They take what they need.

There will surely be more of these situations as they become more and more their own little people. I notice that with a new situation, I first look for a fight and find it difficult and not fun being a mom. But after a few times I think, "Oh no, this isn't working," and I let it go. But that remains difficult, especially because it went without problems at first...

Parenting is learned by trial and error! No one knows what works best for your child; with a second child, things work differently again, as I'm noticing now.

As I said before, the most important thing is that you see what went wrong and the fact that you feel guilty shows that you're a good mother who loves her child very much!

Good luck!

Love, Ing

Just a small addition. They grow less quickly at that age and sometimes their growth almost stops for a while, and some kids eat poorly when they're sick or being stubborn. If our son eats a few bites, I'm happy. Potatoes and vegetables get mixed together; otherwise, he won't eat them, and that way it's no problem.

We had a food refuser for a while. He wouldn't take a single bite, just out of pure stubbornness. And only whining at the table. We were so fed up!

We calmly put our son to bed. "Then you go to sleep." He got angry because we could eat in peace for a moment. After 2 minutes, we went back to talk to him. Made real eye contact at his level. Do you want to eat or sleep now? Well, he then preferred to eat after all. Our condition was that he would eat without whining. And he did. This had to be done 3 times, and then it was done.

Let it be clear that we didn't enjoy this at all. It was more about the whining than the eating. He just stays at the table as long as everyone else is eating. After a while, whiling while eating is just not possible. And we have our reasons to engage in the 'fight'.

Our boy also doesn't get dessert if he doesn't want to eat anything. If he really doesn't feel like it, then no dessert either. If he has had potatoes/vegetables or is really sick, then yes.

Good that you're trying things to see what works and what doesn't. Hopefully, it's just a phase and he'll start eating well again soon.

I sometimes find it tough too. I put so much effort into putting something nice on the table, and then she just doesn't want to eat it... Then I have to remind myself that she's 2 years old and can be stubborn. I try to stick to the guideline that I decide what and when she eats, and she decides how much she eats. If she doesn't eat much, that's okay; next meal will be better. She still gets dessert, whether she ate her main meal or not. But the dessert portion isn't bigger or smaller than on other days. In my opinion, it's just part of the meal, not a reward. But it can be tricky sometimes. I also want everyone to enjoy my food—it's kind of a matter of pride in my work.