who is the father?

Given that your slip-up didn't result in ejaculation, the chance is higher that you're pregnant from your boyfriend.
Pre-cum does contain sperm cells, but not many. Keep in mind that it only takes one sperm cell to reach the right spot at the right time to cause pregnancy.
Considering the timing between your intimate moments, the chances are higher that your boyfriend's sperm were the strongest when your egg was released, since they were the freshest.
You can only know for sure after a DNA test, but the likelihood is highest that it's your boyfriend's.

Either way, you'll first need to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy.

Hi there. What a mess you've ended up in. I don't know if it was the first time you cheated or the last time, but I can totally imagine it. I once read a study saying that when a woman regularly has sex with the same person and then has sex once with someone else, her body is more likely to get pregnant from the new man than the known one. But in your case, it seems more logical that it's your boyfriend's. How about the man you cheated with? Can you count on him if he turns out to be the father? Stay strong, dear.

I think you should first think carefully about whether you want to keep it. You shouldn't have an abortion just because your boyfriend wants you to. Think about what you want to get out of this relationship. Cheating and also having unprotected sex carries big risks... If you look at your fertile days and have sex, the chance is higher that it's your boyfriend's, but yeah, not 100% certain. If your boyfriend doesn't want kids, it's also unwise for him to have unprotected sex (sorry, not a pro-choice person here). If you decide to keep your baby regardless of the father, there are lots of people who want to support you and you can get many things cheaply (in case money is a problem as a single parent). I wouldn't tell him both at the same time, or tell him you cheated and not the pregnancy, or tell him you're pregnant and take the gamble. Otherwise, you'll (almost) certainly know that your boyfriend will react angrily and perhaps more intensely because of the sudden shock than if you told him one of the two. I'd either confess the cheating or keep it to yourself forever... finding out later is really super crappy (unfortunately I have experience). Choose for yourself and possibly your baby (if you stand by that). The potential dad comes later; follow your own feelings (and not those of your boyfriend or lover) is my advice. Hope you can make a good choice for your life.

Just so you know, it's not meant angrily. I just hope you make a good choice and become happier. I can imagine you're stressed and at your wit's end right now. Don't make hasty decisions and take good care of yourself.

With me, my man (then boyfriend) cheated on me with a prostitute... He told me two days before we were going to move in together and 3 days after his surgery. Really a shitty moment but we decided to move forward, I loved and still love him so much. It took a long time before I could trust him again, maybe I would have rather not known, but whatever. Meanwhile, we have a daughter, got married, bought a house, and are working on number two. It worked out in the end, so, it's been almost 3 years since he told me. It's still a tough period that I don't like to think back on.

I understand that you're crazy about your boyfriend and that you're willing to do a lot for him, but also think about yourself and your little one. I'm curious what choice you'll ultimately make in due time, let me know (if you want to)?

Gotta say, I really find this a tough dilemma, hard to do the right thing.. as long as you don't forget yourself.

Hi there. I'm a bit different when it comes to slips and also when it comes to pregnancies. Both can really be prevented. It's not something that just happens. But you definitely don't deserve shit from me or anyone else, maybe just from your partner. Hope you can make a good choice.

Cheating doesn't do anyone any good, absolutely not. But in my case, I'd rather not have known. And in the current situation, it wouldn't matter to me. I'm a bit old-fashioned; we have kids, so I'd still go for the relationship and just put my shoulder to the wheel (though psychologically, it would be a tough ride...).

Very spicy, respect for your choice. I don't know what I would do. As is often the case when you haven't experienced it yourself.

Totally tough situation. I don't want to come across as harsh at all, but I almost feel like people are reading between the lines and assuming you cheated. Seriously, that's a really bad thing.

But anyway, my advice: I'd definitely tell your current boyfriend, and let me explain why.. It might seem like the easiest option to say nothing, right? But your conscience will eat at you, seriously. You'll keep thinking about it over and over, and honestly, it can drive you crazy, especially since you can't talk about it. I'd rather be honest and maybe take a break for a while. But then you won't have to deal with it in the future. I'm also not in favor of abortion, so I'd definitely keep the baby. There's a good chance the baby is your current boyfriend's, but setting that aside.. If you can make that mistake, I think you should also be honest with him.

You're pregnant now, so stressing isn't good at all. Whatever you decide, I wish you lots of success. Cheating destroys a lot, remember that for the future.

Xx..

p.s. I don't mean to be mean, but I really think cheating is a really bad thing, sorry.

Hey, just wondering how you're doing?

Wow, that's intense to read.
Well... giving advice is really impossible. I always say to be honest. I don't want a relationship based on lies. And I'd expect my partner to have the guts to confess. I think your friend has the right to make a choice...and so he needs to have all the information.
So I'd say: confess everything at once and then see together if there's a way forward. And if your friend makes a different choice, then that's his right.
Wishing you lots of strength with this struggle. I hope you can come to terms with yourself.

What a story! And it’s already been a week since her last reply. It’s so annoying when people take the time to post but then don’t bother to say how things turned out.

“He felt his orgasm coming and pulled out.” That sounds like extreme edge-pushing to me. Who says the first little waves didn’t already come out while he was pulling out? I got pregnant that way myself! And yeah, cheating is pretty stupid (especially when she says she loves her boyfriend so much), but then without a condom too? Next thing you know, her sweet boyfriend has a child from someone else (he can’t rule it out until a DNA test) and an STI!

He has the right to know. And if he was serious about not wanting kids, why did you keep having unprotected sex? Apparently, that’s what you kept doing. It just asks for trouble, and now you’ve got it.

As a mother who has lost a baby and is going through a tough time right now, it’s so easy to get angry about this here. But everyone has their own struggles. I agree that this could have been prevented, and if you really love your partner, you wouldn’t do something like this. I’d also suggest looking at your relationship to figure out what’s going wrong, since that’s likely why you cheated in the first place. Also, I think you need to man up and tell the truth. It won’t be easy, but it’s your duty and responsibility. An abortion is out of the question for me, so I hope you take responsibility for the baby, especially if you want children. Wishing you lots of strength, and I hope you’ll update us to let us know how things go!

I guess that if she told one of the two or both, she’s currently very busy and doesn’t have time for babbling.