Forum Nice chat

teenage mom

38 replies · page 1 of 2

Valenciax
Hello everyone!
I thought there must be more young moms out there, and how nice is it to chat about this with peers?
I'm 20 years old and 14 weeks pregnant; the father isn't in the picture. I still live at home and get lots of help and support from my family.
The pregnancy wasn't planned, but I'm super happy about it. I can't wait to hold that little one in my arms.
So let's have a nice chat about this beautiful time (and the less fun parts too).
Greetings,

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Anonymous Guest #2

    Teenage mom? You're 20. Adults. Pull yourself together, you'll get through it.

  2. Valenciax started this #3

    20 is still often seen as a 'teenager'... I'll definitely manage, I have 100% confidence in it.

  3. NewGirl #4

    Hi!
    I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 25. We decided in July to go for it! We've been living together for almost a year now and feel ready to have a baby.
    I've always said I wanted to be a young mom, and everyone says I'm totally the type for that, haha.

    Unfortunately, I still haven't gotten a positive test yet, but I've only just started trying. I'll try another test after the weekend!

  4. Tucky #5

    Hi hi! I'm not a teen mom, but here too there's no father in the picture for my little girl. I do have a new boyfriend at the moment. The father of my daughter dropped the ball when I was around 16 weeks pregnant. He had completely different priorities. Last Tuesday we finally sorted out the acknowledgment at the town hall. It's tough, but there are also beautiful things. The beautiful things definitely outweigh the hard ones! Oh and btw, you're free to decide everything yourself haha!

  5. Valenciax started this #6

    Hi!
    That's great that you have a new friend who's supportive and helpful.
    How did things go with the father back then? Was there a lot of arguing or did he just distance himself?
    And does he have legal recognition now?

  6. Valenciax started this #7

    Hi there!
    It will definitely work out well! I'm rooting for you!

  7. Tucky #8

    There wasn't even really an argument; he showed barely any interest in the pregnancy. His reaction to the positive test was "looks good, doesn't it?" We weren't living together yet, and on the day of our first ultrasound, he almost didn't show up. I was about to go without him. That's how it went every week; suddenly, his mother was in the hospital. That's really serious, if it's true. At one point, I was so done with it that I told him he'd lose both me and his child if he kept acting this way. And guess what? He didn't even respond. (via app) After the birth, I just sent him a card and some photos. Later, more photos. Hoping he'd still care about his child somehow, but got no response anywhere. Not even when I made it clear how important it was for my daughter to know who her father is. So, I eventually hired a lawyer, and that's how the recognition was sorted out. The first appointment we had was immediately canceled by him. I also think he should contribute to my daughter's costs, especially considering he buys a brand-new car every two years... He also came at me with a ton of crap at the municipal office.

  8. Orchidea #9

    We also have a pretty active 'young pregnant group'! You're more than welcome to join us too! Congratulations on your pregnancy.

  9. Valenciax started this #10

    Oh my.. that's really tough for you that he's not showing the interest he should! Hopefully he'll come around a bit now and just be there for his daughter.
    I also broke things off with the father, but that went south immediately.. Instead of talking to me about it like I'd suggested several times, even to his mother.. he immediately claimed he wouldn't be the father, that I got pregnant on purpose, that I was after his money.. all total nonsense! I find it really sad and unpleasant that we can't just talk, but well I still have a little hope, maybe once the little one is born and we can talk without fighting and accusations. I've decided to give the baby my last name. He's of course always welcome to come by and spend time with the little one, but time will tell, I have a strong feeling he won't be hearing from him anymore, or rather in a really unpleasant way.. (he's quite aggressive)

  10. Tucky #11

    Mercedes,
    That’s really annoying that he’s acting like a *l*l! From the looks of it, he’s panicking and therefore spouting all sorts of nonsense. Maybe try to involve him anyway, even after the birth. Just keep your dignity intact, that’ll save you a lot of hassle. If you show yourself in a good light, they can’t later say “well, you didn’t do this and you didn’t do that” when, for example, you send out a birth announcement with an invitation and he doesn’t respond. Then he can’t complain afterward that he didn’t even get a card. And if you really want him to be listed as the father on paper and he won’t cooperate, just call the legal aid office. That way you can get a lawyer assigned due to his inability to cooperate, who will then make sure he has to do it. That’s exactly what I ended up doing

  11. Valenciax started this #12

    Yeah, I’m definitely keeping my dignity intact. I’ve saved all the app chats (maybe a bit crazy) in every message it says I want to part ways for the baby’s sake, that our feelings don’t matter but that we need to do what’s best for the little one later on. Hope he realizes that in time too.. I consciously chose to have no contact for a while, some space from each other would be good for him too. And for me right now for sure, all that stress...
    It’s of course tough when you hear through the grapevine that he’s already going to step away from it and all the lies he’s spreading about me, and I just play the good person and don’t say anything bad or mean about him haha...
    But well, we’ll see how he handles it in the coming time.

  12. Valenciax started this #13

    hihi
    a question...
    I've explained a bit about the father, now I'm curious what he can demand or claim if I don't want him involved. The baby will have my last name. He's now saying he wants a paternity test once the baby is born.
    How far can he go in making demands?

  13. Tucky #14

    Hey, he can basically demand very little if he's not listed as the father on paper. Although I do think that if he hires a lawyer, a judge could order a DNA test. But if you're sure it's his kid, it's better to cooperate. Even if you'd rather not have him involved. As long as you come across as reasonable, it'll save you a lot of hassle. And as long as he doesn't have parental authority, he can't make any decisions about you/your child. In my case, the father also doesn't have parental authority, so he has no say. He's just the legal father, as I think they call him.

  14. Lisanne Guest #15

    Guys! They want sex and insist on doing it without a condom because they say it doesn’t feel as good otherwise. Then you agree that he’ll pull out in time so you don’t get pregnant, but then “Oops, sorry, too late” And then you’ll find out it’s a hit, and mister is nowhere to be found!

  15. Valenciax started this #16

    Okay, that's a relief! I want to cooperate with everything, and if he demands a DNA test through the court, I'll comply. I just don't think he realizes the consequences, but we'll see by then. I don't know what he's going to do. My family and I strongly feel that he won't hear from him anymore, but on the other hand, he could definitely make a big deal out of it just out of stubbornness and to get his way (like he always wants).

  16. Tucky #17

    If he doesn't even want to hear anything about her, that's pretty much double the bad. That was my experience at least. On one hand, I was okay with it because I don't really need him around. I manage just fine without him. But on the other hand, it's really tough for my daughter, since she didn't ask for any of this. That's why I started what's called a paternity action to make sure he signs the papers and becomes legally obligated to pay child support. That way, my daughter has a father on paper, and if she ever has questions, she has a name to move forward with.

  17. Valenciax started this #18

    Yeah exactly, I think it's really f***ing crap for the little one because he can't do anything about it. I also told him that if he doesn't want to be in the picture, that's fine, just say so. But I'll always tell the child who the father is because I'm not going to deprive a child of a father, even though I don't agree with his behavior at all... that's separate. But I got no response, only that he's already started a lawsuit which can't be true since there's no baby yet, and I want to cooperate with everything, just not in his eyes, of course. I also told his mother that I'd like to make arrangements about how we'll handle things later and how he envisions it, but I never got a response... yeah, the world doesn't revolve around me.. later I said again that it's indeed not about me or him but about the child and that we need to make arrangements about that. He and his mother didn't want that, so now I've kind of stepped back and will see when he reaches out.

  18. proud_mommy #19

    Congratulations, girl.
    Then you want to do it right and tell him you're pregnant, then you get that. I'd really think, why did I even tell you. What a nasty little man.
    Keep enjoying your pregnancy, girl.

  19. Valenciax started this #20

    Thank you!! I'm definitely enjoying it, already busy buying all the baby stuff I'm so excited

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