Forum Postpartum period

Baby cries a lot, how do I know what he wants?

35 replies · page 1 of 2

Ezkimo
I gave birth to our little guy 7 days ago. He's our first baby. After 4 days in the hospital, we're back home and since then, he's done nothing but cry. As the title says, I sometimes don't know what else I can do to soothe him. I try feeding him. He eats until he's almost falling asleep, then I put him in his crib. He falls asleep but wakes up three quarters of an hour later, and then I can't calm him down. Not with food, not with cuddles... I'm at my wit's end. According to the postpartum care nurse, it's completely normal and there's nothing to be done. Just keep comforting him in the hope that he'll quiet down. This is incredibly exhausting for me and is affecting my milk supply because I'm sleeping max 1 hour a day. It's also shaking my confidence, and I keep feeling like I'm not a good mom. I know every baby is different, but if anyone has tips, I'd love to hear them.

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. proud_mommy #2

    Hey girl, first of all, congratulations on your little one.
    Secondly, I don't know you, but you're a great mom. The fact that you're asking for tips says it all.
    Your little one might be having colic and therefore not sleeping. My son had that too. You can help him by putting some baby oil on a thermometer and gently opening his bottom a bit. Air or stool will come out. My little one slept again after that. And if not, swaddle him.
    Let me know if it works. Wishing you lots of luck, fun, and success, girl. Enjoy it.
    Golden tip.... When he sleeps, sleep too.

  2. N.L. #3

    Ezkimo.. I can't give you any tips since mine is still in my belly.. but I'm following along
    It'll be fine, you're doing your best X

  3. kirstnn #4

    Hey Ezkimo, congrats!

    I think every first-time mom doubts herself, including me. My son is almost 8 months now, and he also cried a lot at the beginning, so what you're writing is very relatable! Does your son flail his arms a lot, like he's hitting himself awake?

    Mine did that to an extreme degree and was very restless due to reflux, so swaddling was a huge success here. Colic, as proud mommy says, could also be a factor.

    By the way, do you feed him on demand or on a schedule, and does he spit up or not?

  4. Ezkimo started this #5

    Thanks for the replies! It feels good to read that I'm not alone.
    Proud_mommy, I haven't tried that yet. Great tip, thank you!
    N.L., thanks!!
    Kirsten, we're feeding him on schedule because he had a low birth weight and this was recommended to us. He weighed only 2kg450 at birth and now needs to gradually gain weight. Do you think we can just let him sleep through the night? He doesn't spit up and eats his portion nicely. He's swaddled so he can't flail with his arms.
    After his last feeding last night, my mom said he seems to have 'separation anxiety'. He really wants to be with me and gets his way by crying, so he keeps crying. She didn't have any tips on how to solve this, but it might be a possibility.

  5. proud_mommy #6

    How are you finding being a mum otherwise? I’ve got my first too. He’s 6 months old, my little angel. You really need to enjoy it and not feel insecure about being a “mother”.
    I’ve learned that you shouldn’t wake him. He does show when he’s hungry. But it might be different because yours is lighter.

  6. Ezkimo started this #7

    As for the rest, I really do like being a mom. I'm always so happy when my little man is happy or feels secure. Sometimes I just get so frustrated and insecure because I don't understand him. I think there's a lot built up inside me. I want to do everything so well, but things don't go as planned. You know a first child requires adjustments, and you prepare yourself for sleepless nights, but it's still heavier than expected.

  7. proud_mommy #8

    The beginning is really tough. It gets easier when he's a bit older. I want everything to be perfect for my little one too. But there's no such thing as a perfect mom.
    Be yourself, and enjoy. Really savor every little thing.

  8. Ezkimo started this #9

    Proud_mommy, it's indeed tough and hard. Shame they aren't born with a manual. Tonight he slept through for the first time for 4 hours. That was so welcome! I got to sleep for a little while. Still dead tired but now I feel like I can handle it a bit better. We'll see what today brings...

  9. Anonymous Guest #10

    Congratulations!!!

    First, a big hug.

    Crying too much isn't normal. But it's good and brave that you're asking for help.

    From your text, I can't tell if you're breastfeeding or bottle-feeding. If you're breastfeeding, feed on demand. Go for comfort feeds. If bottle-feeding, watch your baby; if he's sleeping well, let him sleep. He's restless and unsettled.

    Keep your little one close to you if he wants to. He doesn't need his own bed at all. For 9 months, he was warm and safe in your belly... He can't suddenly be without you. 45-minute naps are fine.

    Buy a wrap/sling. Keep him close to you. Use a connective sleeper for the night, sleep when he sleeps, and adjust to his rhythm.

    Keep breathing and crying. After 3-4 months, it gets easier. Then they can do more and have a bit more rhythm.

    If you really can't handle it anymore and he keeps crying, go to a pediatrician. There could be anything going on with these little ones. Wishing you lots of strength!!!

    I also had crying babies, and I know how desperate it makes you feel. Try to get out for an hour alone every now and then, no matter how hard it is.

    Another big hug.
    Love,

  10. Ezkimo started this #11

    Thanks, anonymous! I’m currently giving pumped breast milk. Our little guy is a bit small for his gestational age and isn’t strong enough to breastfeed yet. In about two weeks, we’ll try latching again.

  11. Anonymous Guest #12

    Have you tried a nipple shield? Do you never put it on at all? I understand you need to see what he's drinking, but I'd just try putting it on once to see what happens. And feed on demand, e.g., it works best on demand, baby and mom work together in that.

  12. Sjeel #13

    Hi Ezkimo, congratulations on the little one.

    My daughter was also so small and cried a lot in the beginning. I don't think I've read this back here in the tips yet, but what she really needed was sucking. Except on a pacifier. For example, she would drink on request and could start drinking quite quickly on her own. But even then, her sucking need wasn't satisfied. Only by sucking on my finger. Then she'd fall into a deep sleep, and I could pull my finger out again. Swaddling wasn't really her thing. And I can relate to that "mama hunger" too. When I held her, she calmed down fastest, but as soon as I put her back down, she started again. It's a search during those first weeks, and you're doing great!

  13. Ezkimo started this #14

    The nipple shield unfortunately doesn't work either. He just doesn't have enough strength yet. When we put it on, he sucks once and then immediately lets go. He doesn't have the strength to create a vacuum on the nipple, so he can't latch on properly. We're trying to make the switch as quickly as possible, but it's just not working right now. So we'll have to be patient, although it's really hard for me. With the bottles, he uses a special teat that lets the milk flow faster, so he doesn't have to work as hard and can drink with less suction. We've also tried pumping until the let-down reflex kicks in before latching him on, but even then he couldn't hold onto the nipple. Not even with the shield. We're going against the advice here, but it just feels better for us.

    Sjeel, thanks for the tip. I'll try it out! Can't wait to see how it goes!

  14. Anonymous Guest #15

    Sucking needs are indeed a big thing with little ones. Good tip!!!

    And finger feeding then? I did that as a supplement on the first day. Follow your gut feeling, even though it's not the definitive advice; advice isn't based on your baby alone.

  15. kirstnn #16

    I wouldn't let Ezkimo sleep through the night yet, due to his weight. Do you have to wake him up yourself for a feed, or does he let you know when he's hungry? Anyway, it's great that he's drinking well and not spitting up! It's true that he's only 1 week old now, so he still has a lot to get used to being out of your womb, the new sounds, etc.

    You should do what feels right for you, as an anonymous user already said, these are just suggestions that you don't have to follow exactly, because every baby is different. And you're doing super well!

  16. Anonymous Guest #17

    I got some info on Dunstan Baby Language from my postpartum care nurse during my maternity leave. It's also on YouTube, and it gave me some tips to recognize the different types of cries and figure out what the little one wants. Apparently, almost all babies cry in the same way in certain situations, and they cry differently depending on their needs. There's a cry for hunger, tiredness, colic, a dirty diaper (discomfort), and a burp that's stuck. It's important that your little one isn't already overstimulated when you try to identify the cry, because then you won't be able to make sense of it. Maybe this will help you out.

  17. Ezkimo started this #18

    Kirsten, sometimes he wakes up on his own, but mostly we have to wake him up for feeds. Every three hours during the day, every four hours at night. If we do every three hours, he doesn't drink enough at night, so he doesn't get his required amounts and loses weight. With this schedule, he drinks enough. Today he slept well again after his last feed, but during the day he lets himself be heard and basically doesn't sleep at all. Yesterday we did nothing else but change diapers, feed him, cuddle, let him suck on a pinky... Nothing seems to help. On Wednesday we have an appointment with the pediatrician to make sure there's nothing physically wrong. From there, we'll see how to proceed.

    Anon, maybe there's a guide available after all . I'll check it out, thanks!!!

  18. Merel #19

    Ezkimo, you do so much! If you're giving pumped breast milk, couldn't you leave one night feed to dad? If it needs to be every four hours, could you give yours at 11 PM, him at 3 AM, and then you at 7 AM? That way you could sleep through the night. Is the little one sleeping in your room?

  19. Ezkimo started this #20

    Hi Merel. Dad does what he can, but he suffers from a severe form of sleepwalking that gets worse with sleep deprivation. For example, he might go for a walk because he thinks he's in the hospital. A dresser can suddenly be mistaken for a crib, which is obviously not safe for our little guy. When he finally wakes up, he's not rested because he never reaches deep sleep. He's already feeling the effects because, obviously, he also wakes up when our friend has one of those crying spells. I've even slept downstairs because I'm scared that otherwise, Dad would fall asleep behind the wheel if he has to leave in the morning. He tries to help as much as possible in the evenings before bed, but by the time I've pumped and set everything up for the next session, there's usually only an hour left to sleep. An hour is a bonus, but I've developed a chronic sleep deficit that I can't cope with.

    My mom is coming to help for a few days in the afternoon, so I can usually get an hour of rest then. I'm still motivated to breastfeed, but the fatigue is also taking its toll on my milk supply.

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