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What should I do with this?

34 replies · page 1 of 2

MuisGuest ·
Normally I just lurk here, reading about getting pregnant or being pregnant. I don't usually post much myself, but I find the forum really informative! But this time I have something weird that I really don't know where else to turn to, so I'll just post it here!

We've been on a lovely holiday for two weeks, and during our trip, a friend couple looked after our house. So, feeding the cat, watering the plants, and checking the mail. They live in a village a bit further away, but he passes by our house on his way to work. We've been good friends for years; I know her from my training, and we just click.

What's going on? When we came home on Tuesday, I went to do the laundry, so I walked upstairs. I found it strange that the bathroom door was closed, while I definitely left it open for ventilation. It could have blown shut, but when I picked up the laundry basket, I noticed it was different too. I always fold my panties when I put them in the washbasin; I was taught that way. So, other people using the basin don't have to look at a used one, you know. But now I saw my panty just lying there, unfolded, exactly like my mother taught me NOT to do it! It was also on top, while I had thrown a towel over it. My husband never touches the laundry; he often just throws it somewhere in the bathroom, and then I sort it into the right basket.

I feel quite uncomfortable about it. Am I imagining this, or did he sit in our laundry basket and take my panty? They're really nice friends, and we've known them for years, so I don't want to start an argument directly. And I also don't want them to get into trouble, because then I'd have to say something.

Has anyone experienced something like this? Am I imagining it, and should I just forget about it? Sorry for the long story!

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Jootje #2

    My first reaction. Maybe your friend hesitated about whether he should take that little bit that was left for you, so he picked it up, realized it wasn't agreed upon, and put it back. It could also just have been my own action. If they're good friends, you should give them the trust. And if something weird happens again, you can always ask gently.

  2. Tooby #3

    My first reaction is: he's still a guy...
    I find it too naive to think it was a mistake or that he thought, "I'll just do the laundry."
    I don't know if you should say anything about it; it depends on how you two are together and how uncomfortable you feel with it, but next time, I wouldn't leave dirty underwear behind before going on vacation.

  3. Jootje #4

    What a lack of trust. If I think about my own friends, this would never even cross my mind.

  4. Tooby #5

    And I find that naive. The fact that they put this story out there already implies that it's not their usual behavior to do someone else's laundry. Maybe that's how it is with you guys, but clearly not with them.

  5. Tooby #6

    Anyway, it's bizarre that a male friend is coming to pick up laundry from a female friend (whom he knows through his girlfriend/partner). But that's probably just me—some people apparently find it totally normal to pick up women's dirty underwear without having any ulterior motives.
    Why was he even there? Was the cat there? Did the mail fly there? Are there plants there?
    No, for me this is too suspicious to stay naive about it, but even IF it really was just about the laundry, I still think it's inappropriate...

  6. Jootje #7

    Ok. Well, good luck with that. Apparently, my group of friends is closer or something. No idea.
    Sometimes there's really such a simple explanation for something that seems huge to you.
    But it's fine. It was just my opinion. I'm not that suspicious.

  7. Tooby #8

    What do you mean, success with it? It's not my boyfriend..

  8. Muis started this #9

    Thanks girls, I also don't know what to make of it. Doing the laundry could theoretically work, but that would make sense if my girlfriend did it and not her husband. But he took on that task.

    Maybe it's best if I just leave it for now and if I really notice things, then think again about what I should do. But you guys are reacting a bit like "it's a man," is this something men like?

  9. Tooby #10

    Let me put it this way, I’ve had my experiences with men who are into that kind of stuff... You can even buy used underwear online... so there are plenty of men who do this.

  10. Tooby #11

    I asked my husband, and his first reaction was also that he really went for your underwear. He didn't even say "maybe do the laundry."
    Sorry you're feeling uncomfortable now, I totally get it. I'd just leave it at that unless something else happens.

  11. Muis started this #12

    Buying used underwear online? Hihi! But your man confirmed that idea, right? Super weird! I won't even bring it up with my husband, good tip!

  12. Merel #13

    What a story! Could it be that your own husband just wanted to throw something in the laundry basket or something? Men don't really care about that, or whether things are neatly put away or not. I have to say I'm also not a fan of folding, hehe! I wouldn't confront him about it now. No matter how it turns out, your friendship will take a hit.
    But are there any women who recognize this behavior from men? Should Muis really "worry"?

  13. Tooby #14

    I think if anyone should be worried, it’s the girlfriend/wife of that man..
    I just know there are a lot of men who get off on it.. my ex bought it online and everything while he was in a relationship with me (naturally one of the many reasons why he’s my ex).

  14. Jootje #15

    As far as I'm concerned, no, Merel. I don't know any men in my circle who would do something like that. There's probably a simple explanation for it.

  15. Hato #16

    Hey Jootje, not meant badly, but you're saying that men in your circle wouldn't do this? If I were a man, I wouldn't do things like that in public, so I wouldn't hang out "hey I'm into panties" either. So if they did it, I wouldn't know about it, or anyone else would

  16. Muis started this #17

    Hmmm... Well, no idea of course if and what happened. But Jootje, maybe a weird question, but if your ex was so into it, did he find your strings not exciting enough? And what did he want to do with them? Did he wear them or something? I feel so dumb that I don't know!

    Merel, I won't say it's impossible that my husband did something in the laundry basket or lifted it, so it was in a different position than I always do, but that would be new for him. And if I ask him, he wants to know why I know that, and then I have to explain. I don't know if I want to give up our nice relationship for something so unclear!

  17. Tooby #18

    I think you meant me?
    My ex was anyway very busy with other women, but that's beside the point..uhm I don't know why mine weren't exciting enough, but it wasn't about the string itself, it was about the smell of what's in it, he wanted to smell it, not wear it or anything. (believe it or not..we find discharge unpleasant, some men get a kick out of it so). My ex was just a first-class jerk, due to multiple beatings and emotional cheating, so it's not really normal men's business to buy it online DURING a relationship haha, let that be clear.
    That's why I also said..if anyone should be worried, IF it was really about your underwear, then it's his girlfriend..

  18. Merel #19

    Wow, Tooby! Glad you're over that!

    I don't have any experience with it myself, but I do know that my husband finds me sexy-smelling... sorry, hihi! He says that sometimes when we're getting it on. Is that weird? No, right? I just don't think he feels that way about other women directly, and definitely not that he'd want to smell their fluids or anything like that! To think that stuff is sold online! Pretty weird! But that doesn't necessarily mean he's going to cheat or wants to cheat, does it? It could just be a fetish, like how some people are into toes and stuff?

  19. Tooby #20

    @Merel, no, that’s not crazy haha, but he definitely shouldn’t be doing that with other women.
    Well, you know, I guess everyone has a different definition of cheating. I do consider this cheating, because your partner is doing something he’d never do (I hope) if you were around, with another woman.
    I mean... I assume you don’t want your husband/partner to be 'practicing' his sexual fetish with another woman?

    Now that I think about it, I’d probably say something to the girlfriend... but then you’re at risk of losing the friendship anyway. But I think if my husband did something like that and a female friend knew about it, I’d want to know. The rotten part is, you can never be sure.

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