Forum Biechthoekje

My personality gets in the way of others.

35 replies · page 1 of 2

Hartje
You don't care at all, but yet you seem to take it quite seriously. Maybe it's worth asking yourself why?

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Anonymous Guest #2

    It can indeed be a relief to write it off.

  2. Biebsie #3

    It’s not that I’m holding a grudge, it just irritates me.
    I know why I feel this way. It’s a learned defense mechanism. I’ve hardened myself through my childhood. Because of that, I can quickly cut ties with people who have a negative outlook on life and project that onto others.
    I’ll whine about it for a bit and then move on. Since this happened yesterday, I’m still in my whining-and-moving-on phase :-P
    They’re in the wrong, but I’m probably wrong somewhere too. That’s how it goes. Take care and good luck. :-)
    Maybe there’s a question here about whether his reasoning makes sense and whether their way of acting is normal? It’s possible that I just have an abnormal view of what should be normal.

  3. Anonymous Guest #4

    'That kid', 'that fucking kid'?
    I think after years of suppressed emotions, it's time to reflect on what's really going on in your core before judging someone else so harshly. You seem far from being objective. Try to feel what your upbringing has done to you and how much you're projecting those experiences onto others...

  4. Anonymous Guest #5

    It’s not about what you said; it’s about what your feelings are and what you do with them: projection, basically.
    Besides, you say you “ignored the whole thing.” I read that you feel hardened by your past. That’s sad, because who’s underneath that hardness? You could explore that by asking questions about your own behavior, your way of thinking, and once again, your own feelings.
    With the three questions you ask above, you’re not focusing on yourself but on the other person. That’s become your defense mechanism—obvious, but counterproductive...

  5. Stef #6

    A resounding YES to all 3 questions... it's normal! If someone didn't come to my son's birthday (stepson), that person is simply written off because you know about such days in advance and you don't make other plans (unless it's absolutely unavoidable, like being sick or something)... And no, not having visited for a week after the birth of your blood nephew is not normal!

  6. Biebsie #7

    I had to laugh :-D
    That's pretty black and white.

  7. Stef #8

    well... I have a weird personality too

  8. Stef #9

    Hahahahaha I saw your name... oh no... did you see mine in the notifications either... not that it's a big deal... but it would be really awkward if you want to stay anonymous

  9. Anonymous Guest #10

    My intentions behind my unsolicited advice, in response to your public statement, were good. However, you're directing your arrows outward instead of inward. Blinders? I never said you're pessimistic, nor did I mention you have issues. Those are your projections onto me. So thanks but no thanks regarding that quasi-politely offered cup of coffee...

  10. Anonymous Guest #11

    Anonymous 133156: It does happen to me that I can't make it to a birthday, and that's not always due to unwillingness. I live on the other side of the country compared to my family because my husband is from here. I work irregular hours because I work in healthcare. So I sometimes work weekends too. If the birthday is during the week and only celebrated in the evening, I can't come. The distance is just too big for that, especially with a little one. And on weekends, I need to have time off or not have long or split shifts, or I have to be able to swap shifts with a colleague. But I do always call and try to come another time.
    Saying "just cancel it" sounds very black-and-white to me then )

  11. Biebsie #12

    I’ve indeed seen a few names pop up in the “anonymous” replies too. But it doesn’t really matter. You’re welcome to stay anonymous here, I won’t give you away :-P

    As for the projection from our other anonymous poster, I don’t quite get it. I don’t think it has much to do with this. It wasn’t meant personally against you either, but more as an example if I just go by the text alone. You’re doing the same thing yourself, after all. You can’t determine how someone really is just based on a block of text with strong wording.

    But that’s the risk with such texts. You can only form an opinion based on the information you receive at that moment. Which is fine, of course, and I’m not holding anything against you at all. :-)

    Regarding not showing up, we share the same opinion. Here too, distance and time can sometimes be an issue. And quite coincidentally, my sister-in-law has her birthday on the exact same day as me. So it’s always a bit trickier. We often come a bit later or earlier. I’m not really a fan of having too many people in a small space either. Especially not her family, but that’s beside the point. :-)

  12. Biebsie #13

    I don't hold anything against anyone, really. :-) I take all comments seriously but I don't take them personally. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, of course.

    Our family isn't very close at all. Lots of broken contacts and bad relationships. I'm lucky that I've ended up with a really nice and close extended family. I love family life, but we never really had that at home.
    But on the other hand, I also like having peace and quiet around me; I don't handle too much bustle well at certain times. They usually respect that ;-)
    Right after the birth, I often don't feel like having lots of visitors.

    When our daughter was born, my little brother only came to visit once after three months. Fine, they were there and that's good enough.
    My mother-in-law was already standing in the hospital hallway when I was still being stitched up after our first baby. That felt a bit too much for me. I couldn't really find myself or process everything at that moment.
    So with the second one, I made it clear that hospital visits weren't welcome and that her brother should have first right to see his sister.
    This was respected for the first five minutes. She had come along anyway and wanted to see her. Logical, but not according to the agreement. But at a time like that you're too tired to argue, and luckily it was only a very short visit.

    This time, we're definitely going to have some peace and quiet first, and then visitors after a few hours of sleep :-)
    Luckily, she has another daughter-in-law who is also due that same week.

  13. Puck #14

    I'd try to take a look at myself if I were you. It's very easy to say that you always react this way and that people can just deal with it. But you're happy to have an opinion on everything someone else does wrong. Doesn't sound entirely fair, does it?
    I don't understand why you're so worked up about the gift tip on the card. I wouldn't do it, but apparently someone else would. Then just leave those people alone. And I also think it's been a long time since you've been there. Given the story you've told, it comes across to me mainly as if you didn't feel like it, since you didn't find them nice anyway. You already didn't get along with your sister-in-law, and now she can't do anything right, not entirely unexpectedly. Well..... whose fault is it now...? Where there's two people arguing.....

  14. Biebsie #15

    You're seeing the whole thing completely wrong and therefore only read blame into it. I don't have a problem with her, but I don't like her either. Well, there wasn't much motivation to go, but I could put that aside and the plan to go was definitely there.

    Unfortunately, you can't like everyone, but you can try to tolerate them. That works both ways. I also don't expect everyone to find me nice and pleasant.

    You think I've already waited too long, but in reality, you can't judge that. You could say that you yourself would have gone earlier. Everyone should be able to make that choice for themselves.

    I made this choice consciously together with my partner, and there would ultimately only have been two weeks between. Including three days of Christmas, New Year's, and working days. Then let's just set aside the fact that I'm heavily pregnant myself and have two young children. Besides, there had already been contact and an appointment made to plan the visit in the new year. Where distance and working days play a role again.

    So those two weeks are still somewhat short compared to the three months she herself left without any communication. But well, I didn't make a big deal out of that then.

    As I already said: it's hard to judge the situation correctly on all points if you don't know all the facts.

    And indeed, where there are two fights... I had already mentioned that myself, so it's no new addition.

  15. Biebsie #16

    By the way, if you had read carefully, you would have seen that the kink is between me and my little brother. The fact that she's not very popular with the brothers and sisters is incidental in this case. I can easily get over that.

  16. Gwen #17

    I really want to share my thoughts on your "lap" text.

    I just got home from work, I'm cozy in bed but couldn't sleep. I stopped by Brabbels for a moment and saw the forum you created.

    I don't have an opinion on the content of your lap text, but I really wanted to let you know that it reads really well. You should do something with it. And since you've apparently had a very eventful youth, you should have plenty of inspiration.

    So when a book is published by author Anoniempje 131767, I'll buy it right away! Haha.

  17. Biebsie #18

    Anonymous 133639 you just made my day! :-P


    If I ever write a book, you'll be the first to get a signed copy!


    There's definitely plenty to write about, though I don't think the world is waiting for more misery. My word choice here on Brabbels is already pretty heavy for most people. :-)

  18. Biebsie #19

    Yeah, of course it’s annoying. Especially because it’s still fresh. It’ll pass quickly, though.

    It’s all a bit complicated, maybe, but for me, it’s good this way.
    I can’t really go into all the details here either. Which makes it hard for you guys to react objectively.

  19. Hartje started this #20

    But what exactly do you want? Your title and your story, you defend yourself against the reactions. You're allowed to vent, of course, but what kind of advice do you want to hear?

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