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Contraception and a second!

25 replies · page 1 of 2

Merel Guest ·
Hi ladies!

I'm Merel and have been a mom to a healthy girl for three months now. We waited a year to get pregnant, but luckily we're three now! Everything is going well and our daughter is doing great. I've also recovered from the episiotomy and we've had sex for the first time. It was a bit nerve-wracking but luckily went well! Now my midwife has presented me with a few options for contraception and I have to choose. What did you all do? We'd like a bigger family and I just turned 30. Should we start with contraception? With our daughter it took a year to get pregnant, so if it's the same this time there'd be two years between the kids, which would be nice!

How did you make a choice if you wanted another little one? When did you start? Would it be too early for my body now? What if I get pregnant right away?
Merel

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Merel Guest #2

    Hi there! Is this forum visible at all?

  2. Amy #3

    Well, it's a tough choice.
    I know plenty of stories where people struggled for their first baby and then the second one came easily.
    Imagine you get pregnant right away. Would you be okay with that? Would you want two kids so close together? If so, I'd say let it happen naturally.

    We also wanted about a two-year gap, so I went back on the pill after the birth of my first. Mini-pill because of breastfeeding. Got my first child in Sept 2014 and stopped the pill in mid-January 2016. Got pregnant again in April.
    I find it pretty intense having two little ones. I'm definitely glad the oldest is already walking and talking. That really helps.
    But I've decided that if there's a third, it'll only be when my daughter starts school.

  3. sneeuwvlokje #4

    Curious to see the responses here, as I have similar doubts to yours, Merel. But right now, I think I'll go back on the mini-pill after giving birth. I wouldn't really want to get pregnant again right away, and you never know if it'll suddenly be easy with a second baby.

  4. Merel Guest #5

    Yeah, that's a tough choice, isn't it! I'm not so keen on the pill now that I've noticed for a while what the benefits are without those hormones. I have less trouble with emotions, my period is manageable, and my desire for sex is higher (and everything just feels easier). But having to use condoms for a while... ugh! I wouldn't want to get pregnant right away, but in a few months, I would. Hence the doubt! How do you like the mini-pill compared to the regular one, and have you considered other forms of contraception?

  5. Merel Guest #6

    Hi Amy! Was there a big difference between getting pregnant with number 1 and 2?

    Snowflake, how old is your first now, and when would you like to have a second?

  6. MamaN #7

    I started using contraception 8 weeks after giving birth to my son. I took the regular pill, just like the one I was on before my pregnancy. I was also breastfeeding, but apparently that's not a problem anymore these days. I breastfed him for 21 months, so that should be fine

    When my son was 15 months old, I stopped taking the pill and got pregnant right away, unfortunately, it ended up being a miscarriage. Now my son is 26 months old and I'm 40+1 weeks pregnant with the second one.

    It's hard to predict how long it takes to get pregnant with the second child... it could happen right away, which would be quite intense. But I also believe that your body is better off without that contraception stuff. But condoms, yeah... I'm not a fan

  7. Merel Guest #8

    Mom, with you, was it also quick to get pregnant after the IUD if I'm calculating right? Was that the case with the first one too, and did you not consider other forms of contraception since you don't like hormones? Do you notice such a big difference too?

  8. sneeuwvlokje #9

    I'm 30 now and expecting our first baby in about two weeks. I'd like to have about two years between the kids. Since it took us a year to conceive the first one (I got pregnant via MMM using Clomid), I'm also afraid of waiting too long to start trying for the second.

    And like you said, since I stopped the pill almost two years ago, I've noticed I have much less trouble with my emotions and anxieties, so I'd rather not take any hormones after pregnancy at all. But using condoms all the time doesn't really appeal to my husband or me. I've read that the mini-pill has fewer hormones, so I hope I'll have fewer emotional side effects from it too. But I have no experience with it yet. I've also considered a copper IUD, but apparently it's not recommended for such a short period.

  9. Amy #10

    Yeah, it was about the same timing-wise to get pregnant. First one worked the first month, and with the second one, it took the second month we tried (we skipped a month in between).

    I do notice a difference between the regular pill and the mini pill. Definitely in favor of the mini pill.

  10. Betty Guest #11

    We had to wait a year because of a C-section, and during that time we used condoms. I got headaches from the pill, and after stopping it for the first time, I had a very short cycle, so I definitely didn't want to go back on it. Now we've been trying for over 3 months, so if it works out, the first one would be almost 2 by now. With our first, it took 9 months, so I hope it happens sooner this time.
    I'd still go for the condoms for those few months.

  11. MamaN #12

    With my first, it was "think two months and you're pregnant." I was halfway through my pill pack and suddenly stopped, so of course I got an irregular period. After my miscarriage, as soon as I was clean, I got pregnant again. Luckily, I was one of the lucky ones.

    I think my GP said an IUD was the best option and has the least hormones. I started the pill again because I was familiar with it, and since I had an emergency C-section, I really shouldn't get pregnant for 15 months. Now I'm thinking about maybe getting an IUD because I want to wait at least a year before considering a third. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel "without hormones." I was pregnant almost immediately, so right away a bomb of hormones, and getting off them also takes time... breastfeeding also involves a lot of hormones, and then I got pregnant again.

  12. Merel Guest #13

    Oh, it’s so nice that there are more girls dealing with the same thing! I also considered an IUD, but they only put those in after three months, and we’d really like to have a two-year gap between the kids if it’s in the cards for us. With the first one, it took almost a year, so if I have to get an IUD inserted and removed first, we’d be looking at a three-year gap. Mom; without those hormones, you hear quite a few women who prefer it that way! I had less trouble with intense emotions, fewer “weird” periods, and more interest in sex. I also got wetter more easily, which is nice if you want to get pregnant!

    We still have some condoms, but what do you all think about using them as a temporary solution? We’re just having sex normally now, and for the last part, we use a condom. But it’s already happened a few times that we forgot, hehe! The little one would be welcome, but I’d rather take a little more time to adjust to this girl first!

  13. MamaN #14

    Yeah, and I often didn't find it enjoyable halfway through with a condom, so I'd take it off anyway... so condoms really don't work for me. And I'm sure that just when I'm not "counting" on it, I'll get pregnant from that one time

  14. Merel Guest #15

    hihihi! so you guys continued without it, including completely finishing up then? That's really a big risk, yes!!

    Other girls who have an idea about contraception yes/no and a second?

  15. MamaN #16

    Haha yeah, and I was so sweet and said that it was the man's responsibility if I got pregnant I gave full breastfeeding so I assumed that would prevent it or something.. but after 8 weeks I ended up going on the pill just to be sure

    It's tricky. On the one hand I say, let that stuff go and see what happens. And of course every baby is welcome at any time.. but if it happens right away it'll be pretty intense. My sister did the "before leaving the church" method. That worked for 3 years and 2 months ago she gave birth to the third one So far so good, hehe

  16. sneeuwvlokje #17

    Haha, MamaN, we're pretty much the same with condoms. It always seems like a good plan beforehand, but once we're in the moment, we don't really feel like it and end up taking it off again. And then, of course, I'd worry about it afterward . I still think going without contraception is a big risk, even if you're exclusively breastfeeding. I keep thinking of stories about people who got pregnant right away on their second try, even though it was so hard to conceive the first time. It seems really intense to have two kids so close together.

    I was actually discussing with my husband last night what we should do after this pregnancy, and he was actually in favor of just using condoms in the meantime until we start trying for a second one (well, that's what he's saying now, of course I'm curious if he'll still feel that way in a few months). So maybe we'll give that a try first. The idea of avoiding the pill/hormones really appeals to me.

  17. Merel Guest #18

    I thought we were the only ones who started using condoms but then kept forgetting to use them, but you guys do that too! At what age would you want a second child if you had the choice?

    And do you not take any precautions when you have sex without condoms and the pill?

  18. madelene #19

    Maybe very naive, but I had, for example, after the third, because after my second it worked well as contraception. But this time it didn't; I got pregnant with the fourth, our girl was just 9 months old. Now I'm almost due for a boy, super nice, of course. But very unexpectedly, and it's quite heavy now during the pregnancy, and our third princess is only 1 year and almost 5 months old. And it's tough. Luckily, my oldest are 8 and almost 7, and they help a lot, my husband too when he's home and not working. But when the kids are playing outside, which they do all day long, and my husband leaves for work, it's heavy. I just want to say to you: don't underestimate it, don't forget that being pregnant with such a little one is quite tough. Furthermore, I completely understand that you're thinking about it now because the first took a long time. Understandable. But I've also heard stories around me about women where the first took a long time and the second came quickly. It could just be that you suddenly get pregnant quickly with the second one. Just keep in mind that it's tough if your oldest is still young.

  19. madelene #20

    And after this fourth delivery, I'll also be faced with the dilemma of what to use, because I'd prefer to be as natural as possible and take in as little junk and hormones as possible. It would be nice if my husband would just use something

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