Forum Nice chat

19 and baby wish

38 replies · page 1 of 2

brendaGuest ·
Hi, I'm 19. I've been living with my boyfriend (26) for a year and a half, and we've been together for four years.

I've actually had a desire for kids for quite a while, and now that I'm finishing my studies, it's getting stronger! I work full-time and so does my boyfriend. Since my boyfriend is older and I'm young, my friends are also older, and a few of them have already started having kids. But I've always been the youngest!

So I'm worried about what others will think. There's a colleague of mine who is pregnant—she was 18, it was an accident, and her contract wasn't renewed. My boss thinks it's really ridiculous that she's keeping it and throwing away her future, but she also stopped school and everything. I'm just really insecure about what others will think. I think we have our affairs in order; we have a good income, and we could easily manage on his income alone. My mom passed away in March, and besides that, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. My boyfriend also wants a baby, but he doesn't mind waiting a few more years. I'm just jealous when I see someone else pregnant, and I've even come up with some names!

What do you all think? What should I do with this?!

Replies

Page 1 of 2

  1. Sanne Guest #2

    Hi Brenda,
    I was 23 when I got pregnant with my first child. I chose to have it consciously, but in an environment where everyone was only getting pregnant in their 40s, the first question was: "Was it an accident?" Ridiculous. I had completed an HBO degree and worked full-time, and still, people couldn't wrap their heads around that you might want a child at an age when you're also the most fertile (it's not exactly natural to start having kids in your 40s).

    Anyway.. You should do what feels right for you because you're the ones raising this child. If it's a thought that keeps coming up and the urge and desire only grow stronger, I'd say go for it! A child needs nothing more than two parents who love them incredibly deeply and give them all the attention they need. And being young parents really has its advantages—you're still very flexible, you can handle irregular nights well, and you'll get to experience everything with your kids and maybe even grandchildren.

    Good luck with your decision, and hopefully, we'll see you soon on the pregnancy forum

  2. wendy Guest #3

    Hi Brenda,
    If you're ready for it, I'll just go ahead and do it!
    Others will always have something to say anyway, no matter how old you are.
    I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and 21 years old. We also consciously chose to have a baby, and we get a lot of nice reactions, but sometimes people ask if it was really "the plan."
    As long as you can give the baby a stable living environment and love, and you're ready for it, who's going to stop you?
    Good luck with your decision, girl! :-)
    Greetings, Wendy

  3. * #4

    @Brenda,
    I completely agree with what Wendy, 21, said. I think if you're ready, you should make your own choice and go for it, without letting your surroundings mislead you. You can always find another job, and you don't have to tell anyone at work just yet.
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother; it must be really hard and heavy, but this forum is a great place to share your story.

    Wishing you strength with your decision.

    Love, Ju

  4. hartje Guest #5

    If I were you, I'd do what feels best for you! And don't let other people's reactions get to you... I'm 16, and for me it was definitely a little accident, but I'm keeping it! What people think doesn't matter to me! It's my baby, and I'm the one who needs to take care of it, not them... Do what feels best for you... Love

  5. Cin Guest #6

    I also think you should decide this together and not listen to your surroundings.. You've finished your studies, you've been together for a while, you both want this, you both have jobs... I think if you're ready for it, you should go for it!

    You have friends with kids already, that's really nice, and what does it matter that you're the youngest? I was also 23 for the first pregnancy, 24 for the second.. Now 29 and having a third..

    @ Sanne, I find that quite a lot to say that... there are still plenty who start having kids or have another child at a later age.. I don't really find that unnatural... no, I don't agree with that either, of course.. but well, everyone has their opinion, obviously..

  6. Cin #7

    hm it says guest above..??? It's me ;-)

  7. brenda started this #8

    Thanks for all your replies, I can definitely use this.
    I still have the pill for 3 months, I'll just finish that first and then I'll be almost 20, and it'll have had time to work out, and then we'll try, right? Either way, I'll be in the TIG then.

  8. * #9

    @cin,

    Glad to hear you've opened up to other opinions...

    Love, ju

  9. Cin #10

    You're right, Brenda! Yes, they say that, but with several who stop and try again, they're often pregnant quite quickly too...!
    Anyway, lots of success with everything!

  10. * #11

    @brenda,

    Of course, finish that pill and then stop the pill..haste and speed are rarely good...

    Let me know when it's time..

    Love, ju

  11. Renateee #12

    @Brenda
    girl I totally get what you mean.
    I'm 22 now and my boyfriend is 29.
    Everyone is always nagging about how young we are and all that, but I don't agree! We've been trying for a baby since March. And when the time comes, it comes.
    Before, it really held us back because if I got pregnant, my contract wouldn't be renewed... but now when I think about it, I'm like FUCK IT! You know? I'm not going to wait until it becomes an issue at work because nowadays you just don't get permanent contracts anymore!
    If you just know that everything will be fine, go for it girl!

    Hope this helps you a bit !

  12. Dani #13

    Sanne: You're making quite a bold statement with the remark "it's completely unnatural to start having kids at 40." Where do you get that idea from that it's unnatural?
    I assume a woman's body itself "knows" until when it can handle a pregnancy and baby.
    You also write that a child needs nothing more than two parents who love them incredibly much and give them all the attention they need.
    Can't 40-year-olds do that?

    Hi Brenda, this has been written a few times already: this is something you and your partner should decide together; the outside world has nothing to do with it. If you can handle it and want to go for it together, support each other, then I see no problem with it at all.
    People can say whatever they want about you, but it's your life and you only live once.
    Strength with the loss of your mom, girl.

    Kind regards, Dani

  13. * #14

    @Dani,
    Nice to have another ally in this story compared to Sanne. I don’t really consider it a big deal, but I’m glad I’m not the only one..

    Love, Ju

  14. A K #15

    Hi Sanne, luckily everyone here decides for themselves when they want to get pregnant and whether they think it's natural or not.
    I do relate to your story, by the way, but there's no need to say what is and isn't natural.

  15. Olivia-Anna #16

    Hi Brenda!!
    I always get angry hearing: "A little accident and you're ruining your future.."
    Having a child is NEVER that!!!

    I'm pregnant with my first and just turned 23.
    My man also had a baby at 19 and thought it was too early for himself,
    but now (he's 45) he's totally into it with me and enjoys it to the fullest!

    That urge was already there for me from the age of 14!!
    Everyone always said "It'll pass, it's because your sister just had a baby.." People always laughed and I could really get offended by it!
    I often had to cry when I saw a little one.. And it just wouldn't go away!!!

    We've been together for 5 years now but only living together for 1 year and I'm already almost 6 months pregnant! I COULDN'T wait!

    So I completely understand your urge. You have to make a choice for yourself, not for someone else!!
    If you're sure you can handle it, then go for it!
    Make sure you're on the same page with your boyfriend and that you have someone for yourself you can talk openly and confidentially with!
    Terrible about your mother.

    Good luck!!!

  16. B #17

    Everyone does it when they feel like it... Young moms or older moms, what's the difference? Nobody has experience with the first one yet! Maybe more life experience, but that doesn't save you...

    I had a miscarriage at 19 after getting pregnant despite being on the pill.
    Not planned, but wanted..... Maybe I'd have a teen now. Married to my boyfriend back then... Who knows....

    Fast forward almost 10 years and a different relationship.... And now we're finally going for a baby.... Consciously because I wanted to secure my position at work, and because we still needed to get our finances in order... But most importantly, my boyfriend is ready. He grew up totally not in a world with kids, no interest at all... My sister-in-law also didn't care for kids, but now she has 2... I, on the other hand, grew up among babies from age 8... My siblings are at least 11 years older. The oldest is now 20 and the youngest just 6 among my nieces and nephews... Total 17!

    So yes, you're ready when you feel it... And only you decide that!

  17. Daisjj #18

    Hi,
    if you want a baby, I’d just go for it. There might be some unexpected reactions, but of course also really positive ones ! I’d say just go for it!
    I’m 19 now and my boyfriend is 24, and we’ve been trying for a while unfortunately. Now we have to start with IVF ICSI.
    x

  18. Ashley #19

    Hey Brenda,
    Just do it! If you and your boyfriend are on the same page, you should just go for it. I'm 26 myself and have a boyfriend who's 31. My desire for kids has always been very strong, and now it's stronger than ever. I'm almost graduating, but I'm already standing in front of the class as a teacher. I used to be afraid of having kids earlier because of what other people might think. Now I regret that a lot, because ultimately it's my life. Meanwhile, I've stopped taking the pill, so hopefully I'll be pregnant soon.
    You should do what your heart desires. If you and your boyfriend want this, then you should go for it. It's your life and your decision.
    My condolences and lots of strength
    Love, Ashley

  19. Daniëlle Guest #20

    Hi,

    My partner and I would also really like to have a baby We're both 21 now, have been together for 3 years, and have been living together since November. We both have jobs (my partner has a permanent contract). I've been thinking about having a child for a while, but now that my niece (20) also has a little one, it's even stronger. I wasn't sure at first if it was normal to think about this, but now that I see all these replies, I feel good about it!

    We do want to take things step by step, though. First, we want to buy a house together (within the next 6 months).

    Love, Daniëlle

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