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help! would love opinions on this.

13 replies

Madelene
Happy mom, I would tell his parents of your ex—they have the right to know that your son is their grandchild. But try to explain to your current partner that this is important to you.

Replies

  1. blijemama #2

    Thank you, Madelene!

    My gut feeling also says I should do it..
    only I really don't know how to tell him without hurting my friend..
    because it's really not that I want my ex back and men can misunderstand that or be afraid that our son will find out that he's not the biological one...
    it's tricky, you know.. I'll have to talk to him about it... but what if he doesn't want to?

  2. Madelene started this #3

    Hi happy mom, you're welcome
    I understand your fear about your partner's feelings.
    Maybe it's a good idea to gently talk to him about how it's not about you two, not about him, but purely about the baby.
    Your baby, and it would also be fairer for the baby to inform his grandparents about his existence instead of keeping all this hidden.
    Try to bring it up gently
    and share this openly and honestly with him.
    And if that doesn't work, maybe go to your ex's parents and let them know.
    But try it first, I hope it works out for you.
    Greetings, Madelene.

  3. :-) #4

    Blijemama,

    if your partner doesn't want to do this, that would be very selfish.
    I myself was adopted, so I can really understand how that feels.
    Apart from that, I have a blended family; my children have a biological father whom they love very much and can relate to (especially physically), but they see my husband as their father. He's always there for them, and they've been living with him for 10 years. So that doesn't take anything away from the bond. And in your case, your child knows your partner as dad.

    Please think about your child, not about your own interests—that's what causes problems.

    Every child has the right to the truth, and that can be explained in a very normal way when your child is old enough.

    Good luck.

  4. Mamavantwee Guest #5

    You're obligated to tell your son, not anyone else. What if the father has special hereditary diseases, etc., that aren't known yet, just to give an example... Your friend is a real dad, but blood relatives go t

  5. blijemama #6

    Thanks for your responses, ezzie79 and mamavantwee.

    I've gotten a lot out of this!
    And I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway... also for the little one... now some people say what does he have to gain from knowing that his biological father doesn't want him... and maybe the chance exists that his grandparents won't want him either... my thought is then oh well I've told them so there's more I can't do... then I can always move forward but I've done my duty...

    Hopefully my friend understands everything because you can't avoid it...

    Greetings Blijemama ????????????

  6. Vivian #7

    Just talk it over with him and explain your dilemma. Make it clear that his role won’t change; he is and will remain the dad!

  7. hartje #8

    Let us know once it's been discussed? Sounds like a tense situation.. strength and I wish you all the luck!!

    Love, sweetheart

  8. blijemama #9

    Ah, thank you so much, Hartje.

    I've talked to him, but he really doesn't want to change anything, so he wants to break up... I'm at a loss right now....

    I almost spoke to a family member I happened to see, but I didn't say anything... because I really don't want to lose my partner... I don't know what to do, so...

  9. :-) #10

    Blijemama...
    This is pure intimidation!
    When I look at myself, I do have an answer.
    If he can react so selfishly, the child isn't his top priority, and I don't need someone like that as my child's dad.
    What if you two split up in a few years?
    What would you tell your child then?
    I would always stay honest with my child and inform his biological family. That's my opinion.

    Strength with your choice!

  10. Vivian #11

    I agree with Ezzie

  11. hartje #12

    I agree with Ezzie too!!

  12. blijemama #13

    Thank you so much, Ezzie, for your reply!
    You're absolutely right!
    But it's still really hard...

    I'm going to think carefully about how I'm going to handle it.

    Love,
    Blijemama

  13. :-) #14

    Hang in there, girl!!!

    And I can really relate, my husband isn't the biological father of my kids either.
    But my love for my husband is separate from my love for my children, and in that regard I'm not selfish,
    if I had to choose for my children, the choice would be made quickly.

    And in this case, I love my husband with all my heart and he's my best friend!
    Still... My kids are...
    You know what I mean.

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