Biechthoekje
pregnant and can't stand my partner's issues
AnonymousGuest ·
Hi everyone,
I'm currently over 3 months pregnant. My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years, live together in a small but cozy apartment, don't have much financial security but have always had jobs over the past few years and managed to get by just fine. So we consciously chose to have a baby, and the first few months were really nice and exciting despite the unpleasant symptoms like nausea.
Now that I'm just entering the second trimester, which I was so looking forward to, everything has suddenly changed. Recently, my partner has been struggling with anxiety, specifically about doing things. For example, he hasn't gone to work for two weeks now, and I recently went to a family dinner alone because he did a complete U-turn at the last minute. We can no longer visit family normally, go to birthdays, go to the city, etc.
We were supposed to go on vacation in August. That was booked half a year ago, and I was really looking forward to it. Our last vacation as just the two of us to relax during the otherwise hectic period. But now he wants to cancel that too. I know he can't help it. The doctor says it's probably a panic disorder, and starting next week he's going to see a psychologist, but I still find that I can't cope with it.
This morning I screamed at him again, telling him he's selfish, causing me stress, and ruining the pregnancy period. Afterwards, I feel like a huge bitch. I keep saying sorry, but this anger comes up every time he can't do something, and I can't help getting so angry.
Has anyone experienced this before? And any tips on how to cope with it?
I'm currently over 3 months pregnant. My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years, live together in a small but cozy apartment, don't have much financial security but have always had jobs over the past few years and managed to get by just fine. So we consciously chose to have a baby, and the first few months were really nice and exciting despite the unpleasant symptoms like nausea.
Now that I'm just entering the second trimester, which I was so looking forward to, everything has suddenly changed. Recently, my partner has been struggling with anxiety, specifically about doing things. For example, he hasn't gone to work for two weeks now, and I recently went to a family dinner alone because he did a complete U-turn at the last minute. We can no longer visit family normally, go to birthdays, go to the city, etc.
We were supposed to go on vacation in August. That was booked half a year ago, and I was really looking forward to it. Our last vacation as just the two of us to relax during the otherwise hectic period. But now he wants to cancel that too. I know he can't help it. The doctor says it's probably a panic disorder, and starting next week he's going to see a psychologist, but I still find that I can't cope with it.
This morning I screamed at him again, telling him he's selfish, causing me stress, and ruining the pregnancy period. Afterwards, I feel like a huge bitch. I keep saying sorry, but this anger comes up every time he can't do something, and I can't help getting so angry.
Has anyone experienced this before? And any tips on how to cope with it?
Replies
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My1987 #2
My husband has it too, just to a lesser extent.
He's had it for a while now. He doesn't want to go to birthday parties, and he doesn't want to go on a holiday by plane because of the bus transfers (which made his anxiety disorder worse!).
Two weeks ago we went away for a weekend with the family, and he had a breakdown.
He was crying his eyes out.
He's been told for 2 years that he needs to see a psychologist, but he refused to go until now.
But since that weekend, he knows he has no other choice.
He's now getting treatment online because the threshold to go in person is too high.
I try to support him as much as I can.
But I also try to keep doing my own thing and not let my life be controlled by this.
But I can really imagine how you feel. -
Anonymous Guest #3
Thanks for your reply!! Really relatable, that slump too. 2 years is quite a long time, isn't it??? Do you have kids too? I think it's impressive that you manage to keep supporting him.
Your tip to keep doing things on your own is good. I also try to just hang out with friends like Enzo. But right now it feels pretty rough. -
My1987 #4
No kids.
Meanwhile, I've been working on it and finally made the decision myself.
I've wanted it for about 4 or 5 years, but he was never ready.
But since he'd never make the choice himself due to his anxiety and ADHD, and I didn't want to wait anymore...
My husband is 29 now...
He doesn't do it on purpose, and you support each other through thick and thin; that's why you're married. Tough times and happy times.
Without support, they definitely won't make it. -
amy #5
I really relate to your story. I also have a partner with anxieties and ADHD, and together we have one little one. We consciously chose to have a child, but unfortunately, we still went through a very hectic period. Our rental home was sold while I was pregnant, so we had to move. We bought our own house, which needed major renovations, and all this under enormous time pressure because I was about to give birth. That caused a lot of stress, which made everything worse for him.
During that time, I really relied on support from my family. For example, I would go shopping for baby stuff with my mom when he couldn't handle it.
Even though it's sometimes difficult, I'd still recommend that you keep supporting him. He's not doing it on purpose. I hope things improve soon, because the postpartum period might get even heavier. Think about sleep deprivation, which can worsen anxieties. That period was sometimes hell for us.
If that vacation is still far off, I'd suggest canceling it. I once sat in a foreign country with a friend who had a severe panic attack and thought he was going to die. Without friends or acquaintances around me, I had to drive 80 km with him in that state after giving first aid. It was terrible.
My story doesn't sound very uplifting, I know, but I can tell you that if he works on his anxieties, it will definitely get better. Like it's doing here now. -
Liesseling #6
No partner with fears, but me myself. Support him, he doesn't do this on purpose, he probably doesn't understand it himself either, and he will often know that his fears are unfounded, but when your whole body goes into panic, without being able to do anything about it, just tell your body that it's worrying about nothing.
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