Pregnant and my boyfriend is being really disrespectful

@xladyii,

Anyway, I’d suggest talking to the social worker, Miss, first by phone and then making an appointment...
Of course, I hope you stay together, but a unemployed man who’s always gaming doesn’t seem like the best cohabitation material to me...
Isn’t there someone who can talk to him? Of course, if you’re being treated so disrespectfully, that’s a big deal, even if you’re not pregnant...
I hope you find a solution because this is really tough for you.
Wishing you all the best.

Love

Okay, I get it. He wasn't like that at first and has slowly changed. Did you maybe move in together too quickly? You know, no one is perfect at first and then suddenly changes. That gaming seems like avoidance behavior, and men usually escape into gaming to find relaxation. But I wonder if he realizes how heavy and awful this is for you. Men see things differently; you really have to make it very clear to them beforehand what you want from them. They won't do anything on their own. And if you give even a little bit of comment as a woman, they immediately feel unappreciated. And if you get emotional, it feels like failure to them, as if they've failed to make you happy. Then they react very rudely; they can't handle crying. You really have to talk to them clearly about what you feel and, more importantly, what you want from them. Unfortunately, men differ greatly from us. So much so, but it's still something to reflect on if you want your relationship to succeed.

A relationship is hard; every relationship has its challenges. No relationship is perfect. But it's really important for the baby in your belly if you first look at the options to find solutions. Then you can always tell your child later that you tried everything. Also, taking some time alone might not be a bad idea to give both of you some time to calm down. But you have a baby in your belly, and it's important to fight for that. Maybe he wasn't consciously ready to live together yet? Maybe it went too fast for him unconsciously? Wishing you lots of strength, and I hope you're looking for solutions for your child—it's also his or her father. Love, Madelene

Oh wow, that's intense. Does he have medication for that?

@ladyii,

This isn't a healthy environment for a baby, okay?
I hope you realize that.. Especially with the smoking involved...
It can also bring up other issues like hallucinations and seeing things that aren't real..
Always needing that shot, not good girl, that shot I mean is smoking..
And if you two can't get along now, how will it be with a baby involved..
If I were you, I'd quickly start looking for a place for you and your unborn child.

Ouch, that doesn't sound good at all.
Then HDHD is probably also the cause of his difficult behavior.
Blowing is a temporary peace-giver, but of course not a solution, and it causes his brain to slowly die off and he loses sight of the important things.
I would advise you to get therapy involved
and see if there's something you can do about your life together.
Better to know now than before the baby is born or after.
Seek help now for him, which hopefully will also improve your relationship, and maybe you'll find a way to communicate with him.
Don't forget, you're never alone, even if everything seems lost right now. You always have your baby with you
Love, Madelene

It's so nice that you have that support there.
Think about your baby who is now depending on everything.
Every decision you make will shape your child's life.
He really needs to get over his addiction first and start taking proper medication
that keeps him calm.
And maybe therapy could be a good idea for your friend too.
But for less stress, it's indeed better to go to your uncle and aunt for now.
Stress isn't good for a pregnancy either.
It's great that you have that support.
Strength and remember, you're never alone; you have your baby with you in your belly.
Take some time to relax there, let your belly baby not take on the stress.
Love, Madelene

Glad you found a place there. Let me know if you're doing well and how things are going for you...

Hey xLadyii,

What a really rotten situation. But I kind of relate to it..
My boyfriend has performance anxiety. Last year around April I found out that because of that fear he had become addicted to coke and speed and had cheated on me in every way possible. He was also disrespectful and mean towards me (not physically though) and spent the whole day gaming! He couldn't find a job because of all the problems and fell into a downward spiral.
The moment I found out I kicked him out on the spot. (it was my house...)
That was a huge wake-up call for him! He immediately started detoxing and also went to the VNN (drug counseling) and hasn't touched drugs since (I tested him regularly and unexpectedly)
In addition, he had to sell his gaming console (mine) and wasn't allowed to drink alcohol.
He lived with his dad for a few months and when he got everything back on track (had found a job and was clean) he was allowed to come back.
Meanwhile we bought a house together, are consciously pregnant and he is super happy about it!
He still has performance anxiety. And we're working on it together.
But if I hadn't given him a wake-up call at that time he'd probably be lying in a ditch somewhere by now.

So moving in with your uncle and aunt and cutting off all contact could be a really good mind opener for him. He wasn't like that at first, so he probably has a good heart and it's his illness that's leading him to destruction.
Maybe also an option to inform his parents about the situation? That helped me too. They supported him when I had to step back...

Hey, my partner is exactly the same. Not aggressive though. He belittles me, lies, twists the truth, I have to do everything myself and he’s only satisfied when I’m unhappy, then he feels stronger. Last week I went to emergency care with contractions and he told me I was putting on a show. I’m looking for a new place to live without him. Whether it’s an eye-opener for him to stop smoking weed, I don’t even care anymore. My child needs to be safe first and foremost. I’m now 29 weeks pregnant and yesterday I had to endure another big fight. He barely works, lives off his savings, never cleans, and if he’s not smoking weed, he’s drinking. He’s been sleeping on the couch for 2 months because he insists on watching TV at night. He accuses me of not loving him and says he’s done today. Reading your story, I also think, 'nooo, what a junkie,' but I’m in the same situation myself? Yesterday I called on my sister and mom for help; he does listen to them (he’s Italian...). They’re going to call him and try to explain that this can’t continue. If that doesn’t work, my suitcase is already in my car, and a bed is ready at a friend’s place. This is now the only thing that gives me peace, the chance of an escape, the chance of one day without tears.

Hi Ellen,

Yes, indeed, then you're in a similar situation.
That's intense!
To get some peace for yourself and maybe it's the only option for the baby to go to your friend.
The only way to realize what he's missing and possibly realize for yourself what he's messing up.
And if you do go, you can also see it as a rest period and to see if he comes around and so on, and otherwise you'll know enough. Going away can also be a time out.
Strength and enjoy the miracle in your belly!!!

How are you doing now? I'm curious to know how things are going after reading your story.