Going for pregnancy together

18 replies

TjippGuest · 2 months ago

Hi everyone! It's so nice to read along here.

I took my last pill last week. My cycle started last Monday. I'm curious to see how things go without the pill.

I stopped with my husband's agreement because we find the "mess" unpleasant. Not directly for a pregnancy.
I really want a baby but find it hard to talk about it with him. I think he finds it very stressful.
How did this go for you?

Replies

Madelene 2 months ago #2

Sounds maybe very strange but I wouldn't talk about it, wouldn't consult with your husband first
but just let it happen spontaneously
it's never too planned. And besides it's also so
that people often say I wait for the right moment but that moment never comes there is no right moment for.
Just go for it when you are mentally ready for it.
I myself never took the pill while my mother wanted me to take it at 15
I didn't want that at all and so never used the pill. I found it unnatural and was afraid it would throw my body out of balance.
About my daughters I never talked with my husband they just came I wanted to be a mother and didn't consult that with him.
A man often gets used to the idea once it's there.
If you talk about it that stresses most men.
Exciting time you're heading towards
Good luck with everything
greetings madelene
Siskaa 2 months ago #3

The topic came up for us after a false pregnancy... Before that, we had never really thought about it... We didn't really talk about it much back then, but we did notice that we were both ready for it. So I consciously stopped taking the pill and we started trying
Tjipp 2 months ago #4

Thanks for the replies. I'm going to stop the pill anyway. Should start tonight. We'll see if Mister comes with condoms or not haha
kruimel 2 months ago #5

What Madelene says is, I think, the dumbest thing you could do, sorry.. The topic of your thread says it all: GOING FOR PREGNANCY TOGETHER.
It's pure selfishness to get pregnant without discussing it with your partner 'because you want it so much'.
But well, that's my opinion

Here at ours, it went the same as with Siskaa, although we knew each other that we really wanted kids. When the suspected pregnancy turned out to be false, we were both so disappointed that I - in consultation - immediately stopped my studies and started the pill. A year and a half later, I was finally pregnant.

Good luck! Xkruimel
Madelene 2 months ago #6

Hi Crumb,
I find your message about me
actually a bit childish
and don't think Tjipp benefits from it either. A tip for you: maybe you could learn to share your opinion
while still respecting others' boundaries.
And Tjipp hopes your wish comes true soon.
I have two girls myself and am very happy. Being a mother is such a beautiful thing, and I wish that for everyone
Best, Madelene
Siskaa 2 months ago #7

I don't think Crumb wanted to attack you or anything like that, Madelene. I think she just honestly shared her opinion... And I can understand what she's saying. I feel, just like Crumb, that getting pregnant is something you should discuss with your partner. What if your partner doesn't want kids, or simply isn't ready yet? No matter how flexible a man might seem to us, this isn't a walk in the park. You're going to have a baby together, right? But again... That's just my opinion, which I'm sharing. Everyone has their own ideas
anoniem 2 months ago #8

Sorry, but I think Kruimel has a point. You don't just have kids on a whim; you need to talk about it and both be on the same page. You can't just decide to have children because you feel ready.

The same goes for your partner: if they don't actually want it and are afraid of your reaction, you need to talk about it. You can't put a child through having a father who doesn't want them... or who even runs away when you get pregnant.

I know so many stories from girls who were (planned or unplanned) pregnant and suddenly had to handle everything alone because their boyfriend left. And even stories from kids who heard from their dad that if it were up to him, they'd never have been born!

If I had a partner who made such a decision behind my back, I'd want to leave too... not because I don't want kids, but simply because it would mean a break in the relationship for me. The other person taking the most important decision in 'our' life without including me.

(Of course, if the pregnancy was completely unplanned by both parties, that's a whole different story.)
Madelene 2 months ago #9

Hi Sika, there’s quite a difference between disagreeing with someone and calling them stupid. Personally, I think if you’ve been together for a while and really want to build a life together, you should intuitively feel whether you’re ready to have kids. That seems like a logical next step in your relationship. For many people, this happens spontaneously anyway. I also think you need some trust in your partner—if you’ve been with a man for a long time and things feel good, he’ll surely accept having a child too, especially if he knows you’re not using any contraception. And you don’t need to tell me that having kids isn’t a piece of cake—I’m a mom of two lovely girls myself and have a family.

Speaking of selfishness: we’re so emancipated in the Netherlands, so why do we let the desire for children depend on the man? Just to be blunt: children are with you for life, loving them unconditionally. Your partner can always leave, but that’s a whole different topic.

This was meant generally. I still think calling someone stupid shows a lack of maturity. Pity, but I’ll leave it at that—I’ve got more important things to focus on.
anoniem 2 months ago #10

Okay, good that it worked out for you and your husband, but saying it works that way for most men is really nonsense... I know many men who think very differently.
My husband is sitting next to me and I asked him how he would have felt if I had decided on my own that it was time for kids without discussing it with him in detail. His reaction (and sorry, but these are really HIS words, I won't sugarcoat it):
That's pretty shitty!!!
Poesh 2 months ago #11

Mandy, yeah, those are my husband's words too. I should've just gone for it without him knowing...
Siskaa 2 months ago #12

Same here
Tjipp 2 months ago #13

Wow, so many replies! I’d never do something like that without discussing it first.
At the same time, I do understand what Madelene is saying.

My husband is crazy about kids, especially in love with our three nieces. So I’m sure he wants children, but definitely not sure when.

We’ve been together for almost 7 years, married for 1.5. I know him well. He already finds it stressful just signing up for a mobile phone plan
Making long-term decisions, thinking about the future, that’s hard for him.

Plus, he sees it as a huge responsibility. I totally get that, but I also see how beautiful and amazing it is to have a family.
He’ll probably realize that too, if it ever comes to that

But if I wait for him to bring it up... hmm, I don’t know
Madelene 2 months ago #14

Hi Tjipp, you totally get it, girl!
That's exactly how I meant it.
It's so nice that you now describe exactly what I also meant with that.
I wish you all the best,
and hearing you talk about your man, it sounds like things will work out well
Go for it, I'd say, and when the time comes and you're pregnant, enjoy that special period even more. Lots of success and thanks for your reply!
Greetings, Madelene
kruimel 2 months ago #15

@Madelene
Girl, girl, girl, you really make it hard for yourself, it's almost laughable.
I never called you stupid, read my post again carefully if you're capable of it because reading seems to not be your best subject.
Judging by all the other replies here, most people seem to agree with me that you should discuss important things like this and therefore DO IT TOGETHER.
Just do what's normal in your relationship/marriage, everyone their own thing, I'm not judging you.

Have a nice evening everyone
Bunny 2 months ago #16

Wow, what a cozy atmosphere here

I say: everyone knows themselves and their partner best, and will hopefully make the right choice about how and when to get pregnant.

And now, let's stop bickering, okay???
Tjipp 2 months ago #17

Had a good chat with my husband last week. You're so vulnerable with a baby, for example when they're sick you worry, or if something else unpleasant happens to him or her. That feeling really dominates me.

I'm afraid that feeling won't just go away for him... I find it difficult. When we talk about kids, he does say he really wants them and would think it's awesome.

I'll have to show a lot of patience with him. I think that's the best approach.
Madelene 2 months ago #18

Hi Tjipp,
that's indeed true, you're much more vulnerable and have to think about your child or children first with every choice or decision you make.
Because everything you do, every choice you make, affects your baby's life.
But it's also a very beautiful feeling. The unconditional love you feel for your child is so special and strong.
I think it's definitely positive if he's open to having children.
He's just a bit worried about how and what changes it will bring to your life.
Madelene 2 months ago #19

That he brings it up and shows where his concerns lie. It shows that he’s really thinking seriously about it and is open to it; otherwise, he wouldn’t share his worries with you so openly.

I personally think it’s not wrong in itself, but if you both truly share the desire for children, you need to take the leap and go for it. If you keep overthinking it for too long, it just keeps getting delayed and becomes harder to start.

Because the longer you wait, the more you’ll worry and doubt whether you should even begin.

I’d say give each other time and space, but keep talking about it. Keep it warm, so to speak. And aim for a specific goal, like in five months or another timeframe when you roughly know when you’ll start.

Good luck with everything.

Love, Madelene

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