Doubts...

Hi everyone, I'm feeling a bit lost right now and could use some advice.

Here's the situation: I have 3 kids. 2 from a previous marriage (10 and 9) and 1 with my current partner (4 years old). My partner has wanted a second child for years. I'm hesitating. Our finances weren't great for a long time, but since last year things have been going well for us. We can save a bit again and do fun things. Now, the thing is, I've always wanted a big family, but I have absolutely no connection with babies... We didn't have a good start with any of the 3 either. One was even a crybaby. We always had feeding problems with all 3.

I've always told my partner that I was done, but when I'm sitting on the couch cuddling with my kids (just taking an example), I think, why not. One more time... Recently, we had a death in the family. Sounds weird maybe, but we sat together as one family, arms around each other on the couch in the crematorium, and I suddenly felt so one with my little family and so complete together that I thought, let's go for it.

My partner was naturally extremely happy that I changed my mind. Now we've had sex 3 times without protection and every day this feeling of panic creeps in. Do I really want this? Can I handle this? How will it work with the finances? Does anyone recognize this?