Babbles
The wait until you want to make a baby together.
madelene
Hi Loes, with us it was never discussed to adopt a child. Actually, things went a bit weird for us. He was still married when we got pregnant, but he already wanted a divorce. Things weren't going so well between them anymore. And at that time, I got pregnant. He had a hard time getting used to the idea since he still had to get divorced. He was a bit shocked at first, but in the end, he was very happy with our girl. In the end, he saw it as if it was meant to be. My pregnancy brought us closer together. He was, of course, divorced by then when I was 9 weeks pregnant. The second one came quite quickly after the first and was very welcome. Now we'd like a third, and we've planned that one together very carefully. If it's still granted to us, I hope so. So that's how it went with us. Greetings, Madelene
Replies
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vlinder #2
Hi Madelene,
It's so nice that you replied. I think it's such a special story. I think it's amazing that you chose him so quickly during the time you were pregnant! I hope the 3rd one is also blessed to you.
I find the coming year especially difficult. It went much faster than I expected. But now that he said a year, the coming year seems really long!! -
Justme1990 #3
Hi butterfly,
My partner and I wanted to wait until the end of this year because he was really unsure. Then at one point he said: "Why are we waiting? Just throw the pill away!" So we did, and threw it away. Two months later, pregnant... didn't expect it so soon, but so happy!! Almost 12 weeks now, and we're expecting our first baby in June!! Things can go in all sorts of unexpected ways. The fact that he's thinking about it now shows he's engaged with it, and who knows, maybe he'd want it even sooner than next year!
Love, x -
madelene started this #4
Hi Butterfly, thanks!
Yes, it felt like a movie for me too, where I was immersed in it, ending with a happy ending. Unfortunately, he's not allowed to have contact with his son; they have a son now, who is 13 years old.
But who knows, maybe that will happen naturally in the future someday.
Her last words were to my husband: if you choose her, you'll never see your son again.
So yes, actually, my little girls have a half-brother. Hopefully, they'll get to know him someday when he's ready for it.
I completely understand what you're saying. It's really nice that he's finally spontaneously starting to talk to you about wanting a child, and then he says he needs another year to prepare. I understand your feelings about this; it feels even longer and more distant for you.
But maybe he'll retire sooner. You know, men are wired differently; they can't imagine how we feel. They can only understand what it means when they experience it themselves.
So he's calculating everything: how, what, when exactly. That will give him some peace to get used to the idea.
But believe me, if it happened sooner, he would accept it anyway. Men often don't know if they want something or not, whereas we have that instinct.
He probably thinks that by telling you now that he wants it but needs a year to prepare, he's giving you a bit of peace and security.
Sorry for the long explanation.
But it'll be okay. The will is there, which is already a lot for a man to say out loud.
The rest might come sooner than you think.
Good luck with everything.
Greetings, Madelene -
vlinder #5
super thanks for your answers, girls,
I really appreciated your replies.
We'll see and hopefully we'll be there next year! -
Ukje #6
I’d also had a strong desire for a baby for quite a while, but my boyfriend didn’t.
I found that a really tough period, waiting for him until he finally said he wanted one too.
But I also believe that as a couple, you should both be completely on the same page if you want to have a child together.
In the end, he proposed to me, and we both focused entirely on that, putting my desire for a baby on hold for a while. Three months before the wedding, he said maybe I should stop taking the pill, and then we’d see how things go, because after the wedding, he’d be happy to have a little baby. I was so happy, and then I stopped the pill in June, and by August, I was already pregnant with our first child. The day before our wedding in September, I found out I was pregnant. Now we’re both very happy and really looking forward to May, when our first baby will be born. I’m now 16 weeks pregnant and so glad that I waited all those years (well, at least two years) for him.
Love, Ukje -
louise #7
Hey butterfly
My boyfriend and I have had conversations about kids before, and we talked about stopping the pill in January. When January came, we brought it up again, and then he said he didn’t realize I meant it so seriously...
I was quite shocked... I had fully prepared myself for us to start trying for babies from that point on, but he didn’t!! Six months later, we talked about it again and decided to wait until around winter. As you can hear, I had to wait too until we could start trying for babies!!
I didn’t make it harder for myself than necessary. I avoided watching those overly sweet shows on TLC (One Born Every Minute) or other programs where having babies is the main focus. I focused on work, studies, and friends. Eventually, my boyfriend said he was ready during a ski trip (almost a year later), and we stopped the pill.
One point that might help convince your friend (it helped me): Not every woman gets pregnant right away; for most, it takes half a year to 9 months. So before it happens, you could already be a few months further along!! It’s also good for a woman to let her hormone levels stabilize!
I wish you lots of success. That year seems really long now, but it will get better, and before you know it, you’ll be a year further!
Love,
Louise -
Sofia #8
Hi Vliner
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