unsure

I also struggled with doubts, especially about my own capabilities as a mother. My own childhood wasn't great (to put it mildly), and I was afraid that despite all my good intentions, I would end up repeating the same mistakes. But it turns out that's not the case at all; I have a lot of insight and I actually do the opposite of what my parents did to me in those important areas. She (now 2½ years old) is doing really well. So now I have a lot of confidence as a mother, and I'm not afraid of how it will be when baby #2 arrives (though there will definitely be an adjustment period; the family will probably be turned upside down for the first few weeks). But it really took some time to build up that confidence; even four months after her birth, I had a pretty big panic attack because the responsibility felt so overwhelming.

Tip: talk about it with mothers in your circle. It's never just talked about 'automatically' (it's not exactly an easy topic), but if you're open, there's a good chance the other person will also open up more on this subject. You're already doing that on the forum, which is a good step. But talking in real life (IRL) will probably give you even more.

Oh yes, and don't expect that cloud to only be pink (or blue), even after the birth. Sometimes it's just colorless or gray. That's very normal. And if it turns out to be pitch black (signs of post-natal depression), then go to your GP as soon as possible for professional help. But look at it positively; assume it's a mix of pink/blue and gray, and you're probably not far off

As for the financial doubts: this is also very normal. You're always told how incredibly expensive children are. That responsibility can weigh heavily on you. But look at it from another angle: babies are much less expensive than often claimed. You can get a lot of second-hand stuff (or buy it for a song), you don't need a big house with a corresponding mortgage or rent (a baby only wants one thing: to be close to you), and he/she is automatically insured against medical costs with you or the father. If you breastfeed, his/her food is free (minus whatever extra you might eat ), and store-brand diapers work fine too. As for childcare, this is indeed the biggest expense, but you get money back from the tax office, and if you were to unexpectedly lose your job, you'd need less or no childcare anyway. And how realistic is it that you'll actually lose your job? These are also things to discuss in real life with other parents (and of course, with your partner).

I agree with what Edith says.
Beautifully written and so true.
Greetings, Madelene

Hey Kiko

I totally get you, I'm also really torn about whether to get pregnant or wait. My husband is 8 years older than me and really doesn't want to wait anymore. On the other hand, I'm scared about my job... and I obsess over how my colleagues will react, whether I'll still have my job, how my boss and the head of HR will react, and the consequences for the rest of my career... It's just terrible.

I wouldn't worry too much about what colleagues might think of your choice.
I also find it very personal, really, the choice to have a baby, and it's your business.
But the fears are perhaps quite human.
I've never experienced it myself, but I hear more women talking about it.
Nothing is perfect, of course, and problems or difficult things will always come and go in your life, so for that reason, I wouldn't wait to have a baby.
It's about the deep desire for a child and whether you want to become a mother.
It's very important that you can take on the responsibility.
And whether you're mentally ready for a baby.
I wouldn't worry too much about the rest.
Greetings, Madelene

I had this too when I was pregnant.

I hope I'm doing this right. You'll see it all work out.