Age

There's a 20-month gap between our kids.

Hi Samantha, by the way, nice question!
There's a 1 year and 9 months gap between our girls.
Greetings, Madelene

The oldest and the youngest are 18 months apart. When our third child is born, there will be 10 years and 1 month between the first and the second, and 8 years and 7 months between the second and the third.

My kids are exactly 15 months old.

Oh yeah, couldn't find the question anywhere hahaha and was curious.
Really nice responses.
Isn't it exhausting for some to have 2 kids close together?

Hi Samantha, for me personally it was really tough and luckily I still had help, but I still had it hard.
During the pregnancy of my 2nd I was very dizzy because of the pregnancy and very tired quickly then it was sad for my little girl who was naturally very energetic and wanted attention very early in the morning
And she didn't understand that I was pregnant it didn't occur to her later in the pregnancy either that my belly was getting bigger
She was 1 year old but still often wanted to be lifted by me up the stairs that wasn't easy with a big belly
And going to the playground wasn't so bad anymore I felt bad.
She also often ran away and that was a drama because I couldn't run after her with my big belly
When she went to the playground with someone else she found it difficult at first because mom had to come along that hurt but when she finally got used to going to the playground with that other person it hurt my mother even more and the hormones also played a role I became more sensitive to that faster
In short I had to take more and more distance from her and became more and more emotional
I did need help because I couldn't explain to her at that age that I was going to lie down or take it easy because mom was sick from the pregnancy that meant nothing to her
Look if she had been older then you would explain something like that.
And when the little one was born I wanted to breastfeed my eldest then 1 year and 9 months she wanted to sit on mom's lap for storytime then I had to turn her away and have someone else read to her which didn't always feel nice
But yes breastfeeding took time
And I think in hindsight that actually my girl in my eyes at her age still deserved all the attention and didn't have the age to have to share her mother but that's how I see it
Now they are preschoolers and good friends with each other but also so often argue because they want to be so close to each other they want the exact same thing all the time and the eldest also doesn't realize my sister let her play with that no because because they are so close in age the eldest doesn't realize that insight isn't there
But oh well it is now I am very happy with them but toddler years everything takes twice as long in your feeling without a breather which you have for example with a bigger age difference then you can also recharge a bit
Well this was my experience how I experienced it
Greetings madelene

Wow, what an experience! It was tough, but beautifully written in a story!

I think I understand what you mean, and I really respect that.

I’ve really enjoyed the first few years. When the youngest was just 5 weeks old, I suddenly found myself doing it all alone. That took some getting used to. To be honest, I didn’t find it too tough at all. My oldest was extremely jealous, though, and that was really hard sometimes. Now that they’re older, I notice a lot of rivalry between them. It’s also really about their personalities and how they get along. My oldest is very nosy, and my youngest has a behavioral disorder—it’s a combination that just doesn’t work well together. I don’t think it would’ve been any different even if there had been a 4-year age gap.

I actually liked that they were so close in age. Both still in diapers, almost the same needs. It just flowed naturally. Now I see a few more bears in the path, especially because of the age difference. Yes, I can explain to them that the baby needs more attention. Unfortunately, that doesn’t really work in a child’s head.

Hi sweetie, it might also depend on how active your kids are. My eldest daughter, for example, was very active and really a handful, so it wasn't easy having to keep up with her during pregnancy.

An older child keeps themselves busy more. If I had been pregnant with my second child now, it would have been less hard because my daughter is now old enough to watch a movie quietly or entertain herself for a bit, which makes a huge difference during your second pregnancy.

Now I can say, "Mommy needs to wash the dishes for a bit" or "Mommy needs to lie down," and she understands that better. At the age she was then, she didn't.

It's just much harder when you're pregnant and have a toddler who demands attention. But that's what I meant—if they're a bit older, they understand it better. But that's very personal, of course; everyone experiences it differently.

Greetings, Madelene

It also depends on how you personally feel about it.

What feels hectic to one person might seem lively and fun to another. I really can't relate to the idea that it was too much for you. I actually loved having a bouncy ball at home. I think all toddlers and preschoolers are energetic and love to use their hands. Everyone has their own age when they feel most comfortable. I find my kids' current age pretty challenging. They're really growing up and have to adjust to getting bigger, understanding things more deeply. Like arguing back during silly debates, for example.

My oldest is from 2003, the youngest from 2007, and now due in 2015.
So do the math.

I found it tough too. They're only 14 months apart and quite a handful. But now that she's older, it's really nice. They're mischievous together and often help each other out. Sharing secrets together. My husband and I always find that so funny.

I have a 16-month-old daughter and we're going for a second one. I'm curious what it's like to be pregnant with another little one. I find it pretty tough already. But I'm sure it'll be fine! The only thing I'm worried about is that my daughter is very affectionate, and I'm scared she'll find it hard to share mom. Have you guys experienced this?

Hi Rj, beautiful photo of your daughter!
As I already mentioned, I found it quite tough, and if I could do it over, I wouldn’t consciously choose such a small age gap between the kids anymore.
I’d prefer around 3 years between them, but definitely not less.
I think it’s really important to also consider how your little one will cope when they ask for a lot of attention—it’ll only increase once the baby arrives.
During pregnancy, it really depends on whether you feel very sick or not.
For example, if you’re really unwell during pregnancy and your little one needs lots of attention, that’s not ideal.
And don’t forget about later when the baby wakes up at night and your little one asks for attention again early the next morning—that won’t be easy either.
These are all things you should probably take into account.
But of course, it’s ultimately your own decision.
Greetings, Madelene

What I just wanted to add is that I often see in my circle among people with a bigger age gap between the kids that the parents have consciously experienced each step with the oldest and have more peace.
That difference I see very clearly for example among families with a smaller age gap you see more that they are rushed restless running around everywhere more stress. I think also but that is my experience that if the oldest has had mom for herself a bit longer maybe she has more peace and handles it better to have to share mom because then she has enjoyed all the attention
Plus you as a mother have been able to enjoy each step of your child more consciously
And follow her development more consciously
But this can of course be different for every mother I only share my own experience here
Greetings madelene

Hi Manon, it's so nice to read how you're dealing with it and experiencing it. It's probably partly related to your own character as a parent. I'm quite energetic, but I still often get the remark that I sometimes act like an old lady haha. My mom sometimes says you're a young girl, but when it comes to handling the kids, you're kind of like an old lady sometimes.
We also want a third one.
Greetings, Madelene