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Working with a baby?!

13 replies

justme
Good morning.

I'm not pregnant yet and don't have any kids either. Even though my partner and I really want them, we've consciously (though with a lot of struggle) chosen to wait. This is because we both still live at home. And we first want to get our own little house with all the space and privacy we need.

Unfortunately, my life hasn't exactly gone according to plan, so I want to plan as much as possible what can be planned. For example, work.

My partner works 6 days a week from 7/7:30 to 17/18. And sometimes in the summer, an extra evening shift as well.

I currently work 24 hours a week. 4 days work, 3 days off. My partner is considering not working weekends anymore when the time comes. But that means we'll have a few days where neither of us will be home for half-days.

I find it important to work so I'm not dependent on my partner's salary. And it brings in extra money to make things easier. But I definitely don't want to dump my kids somewhere so mom can work comfortably. I certainly wouldn't do that.

How have you solved this or what do you think about it?!

Best,

Replies

  1. kruimel #2

    Hi!

    I'm almost 28 weeks pregnant and will also continue working 24 hours (3 days a week from 8am) after the birth. My partner has his own business and during busy seasons is also away from home 6 days a week to work. During quieter seasons, she's home more often.
    Once my leave is over, our girl will go to grandma for 1 day, to aunt for 1 day, and 1 day morning with dad and afternoon with the other grandma..
    Of course, I'd prefer to be home 24/7 with my girl in the future, but unfortunately, that's not going to happen.

    I understand that you don't want to just 'dump' your child somewhere, but besides family, daycare/nanny is also a really good option! In my opinion, it's very good for kids' social development.. if you can afford it, of course.

    X, Crumb

  2. Josje #3

    I have to say I agree with Kruimel: contact with others and preferably other little kids can be really good for your baby.
    I'm going back to work 32 hours a week after my leave. That's quite a lot, but this is my dream job and I think a happy mom is also very important for a baby. I can do part of my work from home. That certainly helps.
    My husband works full-time, so our little one will go to a daycare provider 3 days a week and one day to my parents.

    I think it's important to keep an eye on whether it's good for our baby. If I notice it's not working out, I'll cut back on my working hours.

    But well, that's just me... Everyone has their own opinion and their own way of doing things, of course. I also know girls who stay home completely.

  3. justme started this #4

    Hey Kruimel and Josje

    Thanks for responding.
    We all agree that daycare or social contacts are also very important for little ones.
    I thought I had added that too, but it ended up in an email instead

    So I wouldn't mind using daycare for 1 or 2 days.

    And I 100% agree with you, Josje, that a happy mom is good for the kids.
    But I can't say I have a dream job.
    I'm currently working in a supermarket after having to search for 4 months.
    So the chance is quite small that it will be extended after next year.

    By then, we hope to have our first pregnancy or have already had it..

    My desire for children is so big, and has been since I was young.
    Every day I wait, I endure with great difficulty.

    Being a full-time mom would be nice, but I don't want to be a full-time mom for my whole life.
    And there's nothing wrong with working.
    I don't know if I have the luxury of 2 grandparents helping out,
    since things aren't going so well on my side right now.
    So in the worst-case scenario, they'd have to rely on 1 set of grandparents (grandma, since grandpa also works) and the rest in daycare.

    I'm used to mom always being at home and working just a little bit.
    And dad was never there.
    That's why I'd prefer to split it so that dad is home 1 extra day,
    and I can work comfortably knowing the little one is with dad.

    But whether dad will give up a day of work..
    I'm afraid not..


    I find it so hard!

    Greetings!

  4. Josje #5

    My husband really doesn't want to work less. As old-fashioned as that may sound, it's not accepted at his company. In that regard: then he can forget about further career growth. And he doesn't want to waste those opportunities. He could work from home if our little one gets sick or something.
    What is the reason you suspect that your husband wouldn't want to stay home for a day?

    I can imagine that you'd rather stay home with your baby as much as possible. Especially if you don't have a dream job.
    It remains difficult to make choices about this now. Especially since your baby isn't here yet, so you don't really know how you'll feel about it after birth. Maybe my dream job could be stolen from me once I have our little one in my arms...

  5. justme started this #6

    hey josje
    Yeah my boyfriend also has his own business
    together with his little brother and dad..
    and his dad took it over from his own father
    both workaholics..
    so everyone tells my boyfriend and his brother not to become like that!
    well it's of course hard to tell his dad I want to work one day less
    because he never did that himself. and his mom stopped right away when the first one was born. (so also old-fashioned way. she also does all the housework, something I want to do together later)

    Because we had a big disagreement about it yesterday..
    He likes his work, and he thinks it's very stupid and unfair to ask for and get time off while an old colleague wanted to work less and didn't get it.

    I asked. Does he have a child? The answer was: no
    I said well that's already different then.
    I just want to keep working..
    otherwise I'd have to sit at home every day so you can work nicely.
    I think it's just as fair if you give up a day so I don't have to stop working.

    I really want to work. Not too many hours because I definitely want to be with my kids (24 hours what I do now is actually perfect)
    but I just DON'T want to be dependent on someone else.
    even if it's just a small contribution I make, it's also partly about the idea that I do something for it. that I can give my children what they need without having to turn a penny (even though I have no idea what a penny is anymore )


    and yeah what you say you can only know it when the child is here.
    but it's better to have thought through all the options instead of immediately arguing about it or standing with hands in hair stressing while the child is already here..

    greetings!

  6. justme started this #7

    My love is on their way here.
    I'll see if they want to come back to it for a moment.
    It's really weighing on me.

    Scared of making the wrong choice, scared of letting someone down..

  7. Josje #8

    And? Were you able to talk about it last night?

  8. justme started this #9

    hey josje,

    yeah we did talk about it for a bit indeed.
    He said he immediately said NO because he thinks it won't work out anyway,
    and to avoid disappointment. That if it does work out, it's just a bonus.
    And I understand that of course.
    I told him he should say that next time instead of just saying no right away.
    Because this way it comes across to me like he doesn't even want to try.
    Solved again.

    He would actually like having a dad day.
    But because it's a family business, he's afraid they'll think he's always off work.
    And I already said, it's not about having a nice day off, but about spending time with your child. They should understand that.
    Although that dad is definitely old-school.
    Woman behind the kitchen and cleaning, man at work.
    Luckily we don't want either of us to have it like that.

    I think I'm the only one who can know right now what I want regarding my own hours,
    and it also depends on whether my contract gets renewed or not.
    But it would still be nice if my boyfriend could be there for a day, so we don't completely miss each other.

    cheers!

  9. Josje #10

    That's so nice that he responds like that! That saves a lot of stress, and I can imagine the irritation too.

    When does your contact end? It's quite nerve-wracking that you don't know yet if it'll be extended. :-(

  10. justme started this #11

    Yes, that's really nice, Josje! Knowing that he's at least willing to think about it takes some pressure off me. At least I know for sure that he'll do his best, and if it doesn't work out, he'll have tried! It's really a good guy

    I signed my contract on May 5th and got a one-year contract. I do expect it to be extended in 2015. But after that, I'm afraid they won't renew it since I'd need a permanent contract by then, and almost no one gets those. I'm already seeing a lot of people leave, even those who were doing well.

    Not to mention if I'm pregnant or already have a little one by then... You never know, of course. I could possibly ask if I can come back after 3 months; some companies do allow that. But the chance is minimal... So I'm already saving up nicely, haha.

    How about you? You mentioned that your husband works and you do too. How certain is it that you'll keep your job, and how did they react to your pregnancy? Is this your first?

    Best wishes!

  11. Josje #12

    It's not entirely clear for me either, unfortunately. I work in healthcare (I support people with autism in their home environment), and quite a lot of changes are being implemented there in 2015. Basically, no one gets a permanent contract here. It also happens that someone takes a break for 3 months and then comes back. Just like you wrote.

    My contract ends on March 1st. That's probably my first day back after my leave. I should get a permanent contract then. Verbally, I've been promised that it'll work out fine, but still... I only feel at ease once I have my contract in hand.

    Well, I do have the luck of having just gotten a promotion. I was already pregnant at the time, and they knew that. Despite that, they gave me a supervisory role. I can hardly imagine that they've invested in me by giving me that position and then letting me go. I've already been fishing with my manager by asking if we can't arrange something for my leave. She responded that it'll be fine and that I can sign my contract when she comes for a maternity visit.

    But as I said: seeing is believing.

  12. justme started this #13

    hey josje.

    First of all, I really appreciate that you support people with autism.
    I have 2 brothers with ADHD and a mild form of autism who have never received any support. Mostly because of other things in life that apparently came first.

    It's already quite reassuring that people come back after 3 months.
    I haven't heard that at my job, but so far they're very satisfied with me, so I figure asking can't hurt. Worst case: no, best case: yes.

    I can imagine it's still a bit nerve-wracking what's going to happen.
    Especially since it's the first day back after your leave.

    But it's nice that they've already talked to you about it.
    And it does seem really off if they give you a higher position now and then later say no, sorry, your contract won't be renewed..
    That wouldn't be fair to you either.
    I don't think they'll do that, but well, you never know these days.

    I wish you all the best!

  13. madelene #14

    We have our own au pair and I don't see it as dumping my kids. But I get it if you'd rather take care of your kids yourself, watching them grow up and consciously experiencing their little steps. I can understand that too; it's just about what you choose. But if you have parents who would love to babysit, why not?

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