Forum Biechthoekje

relationship problems and regret from the father of your unborn baby

7 replies

Tinneke
It's hard to admit, but things are really not going well in my relationship with my partner. According to his mom, old traumas are coming up for him, and we're going to start couples therapy. But I had imagined this pregnancy to be different—it's not all pink clouds and bliss, but stress, sleepless nights, and lots of arguments. He regrets them afterward, but I don't know if I can keep this up, or if it's really good for the unborn baby, or if the baby might be better off without a father like this.

Replies

  1. Anonymous #2

    Anyway, I personally think that a child is never better off without their father, but that's just my opinion. I read your story and wanted to wish you lots of strength. I hope everything works out okay and that you can still enjoy your pregnancy. Take good care of yourself!

  2. * #3

    @anoniem 80101,

    That's such a terrible situation you're in..
    How many weeks pregnant are you?
    I hope you two can work it out together
    And that you'll learn to communicate again without arguing..

    Big hug...

  3. Tinneke started this #4

    I'm 13 weeks pregnant now, and at the recommendation of a couples therapist, he had to leave the house to give me some peace and quiet and to let him kick his weed addiction while staying with a friend. He's now in treatment and getting medication, but he doesn't respect that peace and threatens to take the baby away from me once it's born. He's lost his job again and is now on disability benefits. He wants to come back and wants me to support him, but nothing sensible comes out of his mouth, and his behavior is dangerous. He just doesn't live in reality. He throws money away on his new car and new jacket, but he doesn't have any money for therapy, medication, or to pay his mortgage. Fortunately, I have my own house where he lived for the past few weeks, but I don't want him back here. I don't feel responsible for him anymore, only for the baby in my belly, whom I want to give a better life to. I hope I can finally enjoy my pregnancy in peace and quiet. I can't handle this stress anymore, and he doesn't listen to me because I'm just a stupid woman. Fortunately, I get support from friends, and I know I'm not alone in this. I'm glad he's in therapy, but it's a shame that he doesn't listen there either and doesn't keep his appointments. The situation keeps getting worse, and I don't know if this will ever get better. I also think it's terrible for the baby; someone like that can't possibly call themselves a father.

  4. Anonymous #5

    Oh my, what a story, girl :-( I'm speechless. How sad for you, and what should be the happiest time in your life is just stress right now. And stress is indeed not good for you, nor for your baby. It's wise of you to kick him out of the house; a child shouldn't grow up with drugs anyway, and if he's using that stuff too while you're around it, that doesn't seem healthy either. Secondhand smoke is always worse than smoking yourself, they say, and you don't want to take that risk now. Good that you're getting support from your surroundings anyway; I can imagine you really need it right now. Terrible situation like this.... Sending you lots and lots of strength, and you can always share your story here if you want!! Big hug

  5. * #6

    @Anoniempje80101,

    If this is the best option, then you're better off..
    You've done everything to get clarity and resolve everything together, but apparently this is the path your ex(partner) has chosen; they're clearly setting the wrong priorities.
    Hopefully, you'll find a bit of peace..

    And you can always share your story here..

    Big hug..

  6. Trotse Mama #7

    I'd say go with what your heart tells you. If you have loving family and friends around you, you can make a good choice. I've been in a similar situation myself. In the end, I chose to do it alone, and I really liked that. Two arguing parents can cause a lot of harm to the child. My child just goes to dad, and it's going well. Often, they don't do anything to their child, even though I was very afraid of that. It's much better this way, in my opinion and my child's.

  7. S Guest #8

    Wow, your story sounds familiar. I'm in a similar situation now. In my case, there was also abuse afterward. Suddenly, he regrets everything, but he won't give me the peace I want.

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