Pregnancy tests, ovulation and ovulation tests
how to deal with others who are pregnant when it's not working for you
Hanne
Hi everyone,
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for just over 5 years now. It took so long because it never felt like the right time, but I never wanted to give up because it was so hard, so I never went back on the pill.
About a year ago, we started testing, and it turned out the issue is with me. I have a form of diabetes that causes me to have too many male hormones, and I produce very few or no eggs.
I’m currently undergoing treatment for this, and they say we should be able to get pregnant without any problems. So far, though, it’s still not working.
A friend of mine is pregnant, and it wasn’t easy for her either, so I’m really happy for her. But she keeps pushing the comparison between our two cases, even though they’re quite different. She stopped the pill last July, had tests in September (because he thought it was taking too long, but two months doesn’t really mean anything, right?), got her results in October, and was pregnant by December. Her due date is in September. I’m confronted with this almost daily, and it’s starting to feel like too much.
My brother has also started trying, and my cousin (more of a friend than a cousin) is pregnant with her second child. My neighbors are pregnant, and my sister-in-law just gave birth.
How do I deal with this? What should I do? Should I give up? Every month I’m so disappointed, and I’m almost always sad. I think I’ve gotten so caught up in this that my whole life revolves around trying to get pregnant. I schedule work around doctor visits, avoid shops with baby stuff, and constantly think about how I’d decorate the house if it ever happens...
Do you have any advice for me?
Greetings,
Hanne
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for just over 5 years now. It took so long because it never felt like the right time, but I never wanted to give up because it was so hard, so I never went back on the pill.
About a year ago, we started testing, and it turned out the issue is with me. I have a form of diabetes that causes me to have too many male hormones, and I produce very few or no eggs.
I’m currently undergoing treatment for this, and they say we should be able to get pregnant without any problems. So far, though, it’s still not working.
A friend of mine is pregnant, and it wasn’t easy for her either, so I’m really happy for her. But she keeps pushing the comparison between our two cases, even though they’re quite different. She stopped the pill last July, had tests in September (because he thought it was taking too long, but two months doesn’t really mean anything, right?), got her results in October, and was pregnant by December. Her due date is in September. I’m confronted with this almost daily, and it’s starting to feel like too much.
My brother has also started trying, and my cousin (more of a friend than a cousin) is pregnant with her second child. My neighbors are pregnant, and my sister-in-law just gave birth.
How do I deal with this? What should I do? Should I give up? Every month I’m so disappointed, and I’m almost always sad. I think I’ve gotten so caught up in this that my whole life revolves around trying to get pregnant. I schedule work around doctor visits, avoid shops with baby stuff, and constantly think about how I’d decorate the house if it ever happens...
Do you have any advice for me?
Greetings,
Hanne
Replies
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Muus86 #2
Hi Hanne,
That’s really tough for you guys. I only took ‘just’ half a year to get pregnant. But in my circle, there are lots of couples who needed IVF, including my best friend. She got pregnant after 6 years with her first, and now she’s been trying for 1.5 years for her second. She finds it really hard when other people get pregnant, just like you do. I’m a bit surprised by how your surroundings reacted. I always find it incredible that people jump straight to the medical route. Maybe you can talk to them about it—your situation can’t really be compared to theirs.
I’m now in the very early stages of my own pregnancy, and I’m mindful of my friend’s feelings. It’s important to give yourself space to process when ‘someone else is pregnant’ again. It’s totally okay to feel upset about it! I hope you and your partner will soon be able to enjoy a healthy pregnancy! -
Hanne started this #3
Thanks for your support!
I have to add that what happened this week makes it even harder for me. I’m so hurt that I don’t know if I’ll ever see the relationship with my sister-in-law improve again.
My sister-in-law announced on Facebook this week that she’s pregnant. I sent her a message congratulating her and expressing disappointment that she didn’t tell me personally, even just via a message.
Her response: “I thought you already knew because our mom, our dad, and my sister (let’s not mention names) already knew!” This hurt me even more than I already have been crying for the past 3 days, and it feels like it will never end.
I’m so hurt by my husband’s entire family that I really don’t see myself wanting to spend much more time with them. I wonder how disrespectful and tactless a person can be.
Am I being too sensitive and taking this too personally? Or was she really in the wrong? -
Anonymous #4
Dear Hanne,
This isn't about who's right or wrong! You feel hurt, and that hurts so much!
I hope you have lots of support from your partner and that he understands you. Did you know that, besides all the medical stuff, you can call on an (energetic) baby wish coach? I've been guiding parents with unfulfilled desires for children for over 10 years now. It's not like they all get pregnant at once—that would be too good to be true—but I experience a lot of positivity. You get tips, and I connect with the soul baby. Not woo-woo, believe me. Just take a look at my site. or send me a personal email.
I wish you both lots of suc6 Ingrid Jetten -
Bibi Guest #5
Just a quick question, do you think it could work with a surrogate mother? I don't know exactly how it works. I guess I'd do it that way for someone else!
Gr.B
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