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Jealous behavior, how to deal with it?

12 replies

IreneGuest ·
Hi ladies!
After searching for a nice forum, I came across this one a while ago and after lurking for a bit, I now have a question of my own.
I have a 12-year-old son who never knew his father, and I was alone with him until he was 8. I met a nice guy, and after 2 years, he moved in with us.
Right after that, my son became very cheeky, didn't listen, and had a huge mouth.
Now, my (now) husband and I have had a baby, who is 2 months old. He is showing terrible jealous behavior and has threatened more than once that one day 'that baby' won't be around anymore. I'm very worried about this and don't know how to handle it. I try to give him as much attention as our little girl, but this is sometimes difficult because a baby needs much more attention than a teenager.
My husband's stepfather is also really trying his best, trying to do fun things with him and talk to him, but he refuses everything and completely ignores him. This has been going on for years now, and he, the little one, and I are suffering greatly from it.
Has anyone experienced something similar themselves? Or maybe have some tips for me?
I really don't know what to do anymore, always being in that state of fear is nothing!
Love and thanks,
Irene

Replies

  1. Nathasja #2

    Oh wow, that sounds really tough. Unfortunately, I can't offer you any advice since I haven't experienced something like that myself. But you could talk to your GP; they might know what you can do. Wishing you lots of strength.

  2. Dame #3

    Irene, I think you need a professional for this. It sounds like jealousy that's really taking things too far.
    Good that you're giving him lots of attention too, so he doesn't feel like he's being put in "second" place.
    Strength to you with this, hope things get better soon.

  3. Irene started this #4

    Ladies, thank you all for responding! I didn't expect anyone to reply anymore, so I stopped checking here often.
    A terrible lot has happened since then, I can't say everything here.
    We did indeed seek help from someone who knew more about this. We thought things were getting better and could let go a bit more, not completely yet, but we even stopped having the baby sleep in her own crib after 3 weeks (she used to sleep with us in bed with the door locked, we were afraid something might happen). Suddenly one day our girl was gone, missing, not in her crib, not at her grandma's, just nowhere at all. We thought this only happened in movies, and this was a huge shock. The police were notified, and unfortunately, our gut feeling was right: my son 'put her away'. I'll leave out the details to avoid possible identification. Meanwhile, my son has been admitted and other plans are being made for him; he might even be placed in foster care. Since I really don't want that, we're fighting for a better solution. Due to identification concerns, I've left out a lot, but it's been really good to write all this out. I still feel so powerless and like such a bad mother. Thank you all!
    Love, Irene

  4. Nathasja #5

    Oh no!! I hope everything turned out okay with your girl. Did you find her?
    This must be absolutely awful for you both. I hope you get all the help you need. Sending lots of strength!

  5. Nathasja #6

    I can understand your feeling of helplessness. Of course, I don’t know you personally, but the fact that you’re seeking help just means that you want the best for her child and are doing your best for them, and you can never be a bad mother.

  6. * #7

    @Irene,

    That's so sad to read. It's good that you're seeking help, but it's absolutely terrible that your girl is missing. I hope you find her soon. I really hope you'll find a good solution for you and your son as well.

    Best wishes, Ju or MavanMi

  7. Tanya #8

    Oh my, that's quite a shock. What a terrible situation. Hopefully, everything turns out well for your son. How are you doing now with your little girl?

  8. Irene started this #9

    Thank you so much, ladies, for the kind messages! Sorry my last post was a bit unclear. We found her after hours of searching; my son finally admitted where he had hidden her. It was done with 'love'—he had wrapped her up warmly so she wouldn't get hypothermic. Thank goodness my daughter is doing very well; she has no lasting effects from this, and he didn't hurt her (which was what everyone was afraid of). We are now very busy with youth care, talking to psychologists and therapists. Hopefully, he will be allowed to come home to live, but he will be required to do therapy (5 to 10 hours) per week. It's all very intense, but everything is better than him being placed in out-of-home care. These thoughts come with so much stress. I'm still completely broken by it all, and terribly afraid that something like this could happen again. Also, things aren't going so well between my husband and me; this stress is really not good for our relationship. My son's words keep echoing terribly in my head: 'One day we'll be just the two of us again.'

    Thanks again for your messages! I'll try to check in here from time to time. I'm often awake at night due to the stress, so I just end up browsing on the computer a bit.
    (Mostly left out for recognition/privacy reasons.)

  9. * #10

    @Irene,

    ohh glad to hear it, I hope you and your partner work it out too... it's your blessing :-)

    cheers Ju or mavanmi

  10. madelene #11

    Lots of strength, and it's a tough situation.
    Only thing I'm wondering is if it's really in his best interest to place him in foster care.
    Maybe find a way to build a close bond with him, perhaps through therapy.
    But anyway, best of luck with it.
    Greetings, Madelene

  11. madelene #12

    What I just wanted to add here is that he clearly indicates he wants to be alone with his mom, which is a understandable emotion for a child. And maybe by placing him in foster care, his fear might only get bigger. And who knows how that will affect your bond in the future. I just want to say maybe therapy is an idea for you and your child.
    Greetings, Madelene

  12. nathasja Guest #13

    Glad everything is okay with your girl. Wow, that sounds intense. Good that you're getting help, and I hope you and your partner come through this together. Sending lots of strength!

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