blue after a c-section

First of all, you're allowed to feel however you feel. I actually think that the way you're feeling after this experience is very natural! A pregnancy doesn't end for no reason; you have to go through labor, and all sorts of hormones are released that close off not only the physical but also the mental aspects of the pregnancy.

I think it's good not to dwell on this for too long and to look for someone you can talk to or who can guide you through this process.

Things you could do yourself to make this 'missing' the birth and the first moments with your daughter easier are, for example, lots of skin-to-skin contact and baby massage.

But please don't keep carrying this burden around, because you don't have to. There are specialists/professionals who can help you with this so that you can view your birth as a positive experience, and that takes time, you know.

Wishing you lots of success