Forum Nice chat

Wanted kids, but my partner never feels like it.

16 replies

AnonymousGuest ·
hi ladies, i have a weird question, maybe i'm crazy. i'm djamila, 23 years old, my husband is 30. we both want a baby, but the problem is that he never feels like having sex. once or twice a week, and that's too little chance to get pregnant. i'm desperate, it gives me so much stress. how could i solve this? what do you think? how can i make sure his desire increases? i want to get pregnant so badly. he says it can be enough 2 or 1 time per week, but that's usually not the case. i'm a bit embarrassed about my question, but i can't turn to family for these questions, so i'm asking here. i'm getting stressed and feeling hopeless. greetings, djamila

Replies

  1. djamila Guest #2

    I wanted to add this: he also blames me for wanting sex too often, and then he gets angry about it, which makes me feel so sad. I think to myself, if you have so little desire, how am I supposed to get pregnant? He also often says it feels like I only want to have sex but no romance, it seems so loveless, like it’s not about me.

    But I love him with all my heart. It’s automatic, love is there, but I also admit that I do indeed want to have sex so often for a baby. I really wish he didn’t mind so much. Romance, yes, but I’d also like him to think about making a baby. Anyway, I hope I’ve explained it somewhat clearly, and maybe you guys have some tips. Greetings, Djamila

  2. N. Coppola #3

    I totally get your frustrations! I’ve been through a bit of that myself.

    My husband also blamed me for being too focused on getting pregnant and wanting to have sex with him every day for that purpose!

    So you should actually calculate when you’re most fertile and then try to have sex around that time. You don’t need to be at it all month long, so having intercourse every two days during your fertile window should give you a better chance.

    I wish you lots of success and hope you’ll be pregnant as soon as possible.

     

    Best wishes

  3. irma Guest #4

    Well, I can imagine that. Maybe you don't feel like it every day, maybe you're tired and exhausted from the day?
    It should still be fun and nice, of course.
    Talk about it? I hope you two figure it out together.

    The best is to say the most chances during the day, they say.
    I stopped in June 2012 and 3 months later it was a hit, actually quite quickly.

    Our little boy is already 7.5 months old.

  4. djamila Guest #5

    Hi M.Coppola, thanks for the advice and it's nice to read that I'm not the only one dealing with this issue.
    I'll try to indeed make sure he's in the mood around the fertile period and have sex around those 2 or 3 days.
    Then I'll try to leave him alone the first week after my period, and make things extra romantic around my 2 fertile days so he doesn't complain again about feeling like it's not about him but only about getting pregnant.
    Then we'll have sex. I think this will also increase his interest because I won't immediately start asking for it the first week. I'll take my chance only around my fertile days. Thanks for the advice!
    I'll try it like this next time, and it's nice that I can share this here. Greetings, Djamila.

  5. djamila Guest #6

    oh sorry I typed too fast I meant with belat burden greetings djamila

  6. N. Coppola #7

    That's gladly done, Djamila! We're here to help each other!!!

    Good luck with everything. Before you know it, it'll be time in no time!!! And don't talk about it too much with your husband! They think differently than us "women" haha. Make yourself nice and sexy for him, and he definitely won't refuse!!

    Bye bye

  7. Miss Butterfly #8

    The doctor told us that every day was too often; she recommended every two days. I kept track in a planner when I ovulated and then tried to create a nice atmosphere as spontaneously as possible (I didn't tell him in advance, though he usually figured it out afterwards). After about four months, I was pregnant. Men can eat anything, but they shouldn't know everything

  8. djamila Guest #9

    Thanks, Miss Butterfly. By the way, I never really thought about it, but I probably do talk about it too much—trying to get pregnant.
    He often complains that it feels like work for him instead of relaxing intimacy.
    And that he misses the spontaneity and the love around it.
    So maybe Coppola was right that men are wired differently than us women—you probably shouldn’t talk about it so much with a man.
    I really never thought about it before. I’m going to approach it differently this month.
    I’ll follow your advice and this time I’ll do my best for the sake of our relationship and make it more loving.
    Greetings, Djamila

  9. N. Coppola #10

    Hey Djamila,

    I completely agree with Miss Butterfly. My doctor also advised me to do it every 2 days! From then on, I got pregnant that month. Before that, I didn't know and did it almost every day (it was very exhausting).
    I wish you lots of luck.

    Lots of love from Naëma

  10. djamila Guest #11

    Thanks, Coppola! I hope I can get pregnant soon too. My sister got pregnant within 2 months, so she didn't take long. Hopefully, it'll work out for us too. Thanks for the advice; I'll try it this time. I calculated that I'll be fertile this weekend, so I've been giving him some space these past days. I'll put in extra effort this weekend by wearing a nice dress and getting him in the mood, as you suggested. I also purposely didn't talk about getting pregnant with him during these days. I'll now do my best to seduce him around the weekend, since that's when I'm fertile, and create a relaxed atmosphere. Thanks again for all the good tips; I already feel much helped by them. Greetings, Djamila.

  11. N. Coppola #12

    You should never compare yourself to others! Every woman is different!


    Good luck, girl!

  12. Miss Butterfly #13

    Go girl! Sometimes it probably takes a bit longer. They always say you should learn to let go, and that the chances are then greater that it will work. But indeed: never tell men too much. Not that I'm an expert, but I've been with my guy for ten years now, and so far it's been working pretty well this way. I got this advice from an older lady, by the way, and she knew what she was talking about. :-) They're the strong sex, we're the smart one :-) tsjakka.

  13. djamila Guest #14

    hi ladies i wanted to share this with you all it's unbelievable but it works i tried it this weekend and now he was really into it stronger still he was surprised and didn't know what hit him he asked me why i never did that before and that he missed it a lot in our marriage.
    i wore a nice dress and lit some candles and turned off the rest of the lights so romantic candlelight
    and put on some nice music and so he came home from work unsuspecting
    and was so surprised and was over the moon he said he never expected this
    and of course i didn't say a word about trying to make a baby
    i've never seen him like this before he got into the mood right away
    if i knew that i would have done it earlier in this way but well i want to thank you all for your advice
    and yes maybe butterfly i know it might still take a while i'm taking that into account anyway i'm one step further because without your husband's interest you won't get far
    i think my sister is just very fertile that she got pregnant within 2 months of having her daughter
    greetings djamila

  14. N. Coppola #15

    Hey Djamila,

    That's awesome news, you should do that more often too, it makes your marriage stronger.
    We don't want a second baby right now but I try to make spontaneous romantic evenings every time and it works.

    Maybe you're still fertile this week, try it again, but change the decor, sexy lingerie always works

    I have 2 sisters who are as fertile as rabbits (figuratively speaking), and it took me 5 months, and I have another sister who has a 14-year-old daughter and can't get a second one, so you see every woman is different even if they are sisters!

  15. Miss Butterfly #16

    Glad my advice worked (well, "my advice" is a bit of a stretch: it's advice I got myself too ;-) ) and now fingers crossed!

  16. N. Coppola #17

    Hey Julia,

    I think you didn't quite get the topic! Her husband wasn't really in the mood because Djamila was pushing hard to get pregnant. Men automatically lose their interest when women keep nagging about having a baby!!!

    Everyone in my circle of friends has experienced this, and I have too!

    I wouldn't write something like what you wrote above! What is Djamila supposed to think about this!

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