Nice chat
desire for children
thirzaGuest ·
Hi,
I'm facing a dilemma and don't know what the best choice is. I'm almost 33 and have no kids, but I'm starting to feel more and more like I'd really like to have a child if it's meant to be. But I have some concerns.
First, I don't have any family to rely on: no parents, no siblings. So my child will never have grandparents, an uncle, or an aunt from my side.
My relationship with my in-laws isn't great either. I don't expect much interest or help from them. So in that regard, I think we'd be on our own.
My husband has a mild form of autism, which is hereditary. So there's a chance our child could have autistic traits. That seems pretty difficult to me, especially if we don't have much support (which I don't expect).
We both don't have a steady income, but we do have savings that I expect will be enough to cover the financial aspects.
As I get older, my biological clock is indeed ticking. I don't know what the best decision is given the circumstances. My age is also starting to play a role.
Maybe someone has advice or has been through this too.
I
I'm facing a dilemma and don't know what the best choice is. I'm almost 33 and have no kids, but I'm starting to feel more and more like I'd really like to have a child if it's meant to be. But I have some concerns.
First, I don't have any family to rely on: no parents, no siblings. So my child will never have grandparents, an uncle, or an aunt from my side.
My relationship with my in-laws isn't great either. I don't expect much interest or help from them. So in that regard, I think we'd be on our own.
My husband has a mild form of autism, which is hereditary. So there's a chance our child could have autistic traits. That seems pretty difficult to me, especially if we don't have much support (which I don't expect).
We both don't have a steady income, but we do have savings that I expect will be enough to cover the financial aspects.
As I get older, my biological clock is indeed ticking. I don't know what the best decision is given the circumstances. My age is also starting to play a role.
Maybe someone has advice or has been through this too.
I
Replies
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Iza #2
There never seems to be an ideal situation to raise kids, and every parent has their pros and cons. You have to go for what your heart tells you, both for yourself and your partner. If that means having a baby, then that baby can't grow up in a better environment than with parents who love them. On the other hand, the points you mention are significant enough not to ignore. A man who is mildly autistic can be challenging to see as an equal partner in parenting, because you'll likely run into real issues with certain aspects, which could lead to frustration. Still, with good support, it's possible for your man to develop into an amazing father. And regarding money, a million euros won't make your child happy, you know. Of course, it's easier when you have money, but in the first few years, it really doesn't matter where their clothes come from or whether the buggy is second-hand.
My advice; follow your heart, don't be too naive, but also don't just see bears in the way.
Maybe it helps to talk to different people about this who can guide you, for example...
Good luck!
S -
karlijn Guest #3
Hi Tirza, my husband is sitting here with me on the couch and he says I have a wife with mild autism, but I have two beautiful daughters with her. I do everything at home, cooking, washing, the whole household. It's heavy, but I'm used to it now, and I have two beautiful daughters with her. But I was never the kind of person who would do everything for her; I couldn't even imagine it. But I can't let her go. He says further, answer your question, follow your feelings. People have sometimes told him, why don't you choose another woman so that everything doesn't end up on your shoulders? But he is proud of me. He often says, you are beautiful, and with that, you have bewitched me, and I sometimes forget your limitations. By the way, no one sees on the outside that I have a form of autism. I look good, I'm slim, I have a nice appearance. People are often surprised. Only my husband knows it; others see nothing about me. That's also a disadvantage because since you look good and pretty, no one takes it into account. But well, my husband says, follow your heart and make the decision. I've written down what his experience is with me. He's sitting next to me and says what I should type because he can best describe how he experiences it. Greetings, Karlijn
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