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I was wondering if there are more moms who got pregnant quickly with a second child while their first one is still small

6 replies

loetsiaGuest ·
I was wondering if I was the only one, or if there are more moms who felt bad for their oldest child because a second one came so soon. I have a daughter, Karlijne, and she’s almost 5 now. It was exactly 3 weeks before her first birthday when I found out I was pregnant again, and

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  1. loetsia started this #2

    and I was happy, it was planned and welcome, but suddenly when I was 5 months pregnant, the painful feeling inside started. I suddenly felt like I had to say goodbye to my girl, Karlijn. I felt nauseous and my belly started to grow. I became more irritable towards my daughter, even though she didn't deserve it. They wanted me to run around with her and play happily with her in the playground, to have fun with her. But now I couldn't bear it. I was too nauseous and got dizzy from pushing her on the swing. She noticed that something was wrong, that I was less enthusiastic and happy. At night in bed, she cried. I felt like I was distancing myself from her, but in reality, I was just too sick to be nice and cheerful with her. I was grumpy every morning and saw every day as a mountain to climb. I was naturally woken up early by my daughter, and I was terribly tired, dead tired, because my big belly was exhausting and started to hurt as soon as I woke up and started walking. "Mama," said Karlijn enthusiastically, completely awake, "it's half past 7, come on Mama!" And then she pulled me out of bed. I would then sit in the living room, turn on the TV for her, and struggle to make a buttered slice of bread for her because oh, oh, how much pain I had in my back from my big belly, and how nauseous I was. But in the afternoon, I could no longer stand or move. Around 3 o'clock, I felt like completely collapsing. I couldn't say anything, couldn't smile. I was grumpy because I couldn't anymore. Karlijn was full of energy, and I felt so guilty. "Stop, take it easy, stop, sit still!" I heard myself shouting all day long while Karlijn kept running and staying full of energy. And then I picked her up. I remember that very well. I carried her up the stairs with great effort and laid her down next to me in bed. I couldn't lie down anymore, but Karlijn didn't want to. She wasn't tired, still clearly full of energy. "Mama, I want to get out!" she said. When I grabbed her so she couldn't get away, because I couldn't run after her with my big belly and terrible back pain and dizziness, I screamed at her, and she burst into tears. I forced her to sleep that way every afternoon. She often sobbed for a long time afterwards, and her eyes felt warm from crying. I feel guilty, but it was the only way for me to survive. Every...

  2. loetsia started this #3

    Hi again, and at the end of each day, it felt like I had climbed Mount Everest. Sorry ladies for this long post, but I wanted to share this with other moms. My question is: do you recognize this, and should I still feel guilty about it? I clearly underestimated how hard it is to get pregnant when your first one is still little. My oldest girl, Karlijn, suffered a lot because of my pregnancy.

  3. loetsia started this #4

    Sorry, I wrote some sentences too quickly.

  4. Iza #5

    At the oldest one's first birthday, we were able to tell everyone that I was pregnant again. I've always felt a bit guilty about this, and that feeling definitely stayed with me after the second baby was born. I think this also contributed to me falling into quite a deep postpartum slump. Now, seeing how much fun they have together and how they're already so considerate of each other makes everything feel better again But I still find it hard to balance attention and time between the boys; I always feel like one or the other is being neglected.

  5. joze Guest #6

    hi manon i'm reading this along and just wanted to say i don't agree with you that you always have to share, even when the child is older and gets a sister or brother. there is definitely a difference. for example, you experience the first steps in the development from toddler to preschooler less consciously if you get pregnant with a second child so soon. and when the baby is born, you get so absorbed in caring for the second one that you don't really have time to pause and appreciate the special new things your youngest is learning. that's such a special time—how your child learns things—and you don't have time to marvel at it or enjoy it if you have a second one so soon. i meant special time; i got carried away with writing. and if your child is, say, 5 when they get a brother or sister, they've had enough time with their mother, so it's easier to share her. you've also had more conscious time to enjoy her development because you had all the time for it, you know. and a 5-year-old more easily understands why their mother doesn't have time for her right now. that's my personal opinion. love, joze

  6. shery Guest #7

    girl, that's really tough for your daughter Karlijn and really hard for you, since that's exactly the reason I sat down with my kids (6 years old). My daughter Sterre always takes her sister Bridney with her when they go out to play, and I can finally get some rest in the morning with a cup of coffee in peace. And when I go shower, Sterre always looks after Bridney. It's so nice; she often puts her to bed too. And another advantage is that when I ask my oldest to run an errand, she takes her sister with her to the supermarket. You don't get that kind of help when the kids are close in age. Lots of strength and love, Shery.

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