Babbles
Hesitant, should I get pregnant now?
kaatje
Hi there,
There's no perfect moment to have kids, that's how I see it. You can't plan everything in your life. My colleagues are pregnant, my partner's losing his job... Also not exactly planned, but in the end, something always comes up for them.
And as you yourself are kind of hinting at... your biological clock is ticking. Before you know it, you'll be too late and will you ever forgive yourself for that?
Not that you should feel pressured by me... I'm 35 now and pregnant. When I was 19, I had a holiday boyfriend and was already dreaming about kids. But after that holiday boyfriend, I didn't get my first real relationship until I was 34. Life just unfolds as it does.
Fortunately, I can now say that I'm pregnant!!!
But a friend of mine wanted to start a family, partly because she hadn't had a relationship before, and it turned out she was in perimenopause. A colleague of mine now has to go through the whole medical maze to get pregnant.
This wasn't because we had careers in mind, but because we didn't have relationships.
Be happy with your good relationship and the love you have for each other, that's what matters. Of course, you shouldn't put yourself in a financial straitjacket, because otherwise your child won't have an easy future. But love comes before money....
Everything else will come around again.
There's no perfect moment to have kids, that's how I see it. You can't plan everything in your life. My colleagues are pregnant, my partner's losing his job... Also not exactly planned, but in the end, something always comes up for them.
And as you yourself are kind of hinting at... your biological clock is ticking. Before you know it, you'll be too late and will you ever forgive yourself for that?
Not that you should feel pressured by me... I'm 35 now and pregnant. When I was 19, I had a holiday boyfriend and was already dreaming about kids. But after that holiday boyfriend, I didn't get my first real relationship until I was 34. Life just unfolds as it does.
Fortunately, I can now say that I'm pregnant!!!
But a friend of mine wanted to start a family, partly because she hadn't had a relationship before, and it turned out she was in perimenopause. A colleague of mine now has to go through the whole medical maze to get pregnant.
This wasn't because we had careers in mind, but because we didn't have relationships.
Be happy with your good relationship and the love you have for each other, that's what matters. Of course, you shouldn't put yourself in a financial straitjacket, because otherwise your child won't have an easy future. But love comes before money....
Everything else will come around again.
Replies
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nienke Guest #2
Just a simple question; how do you picture it when you both have careers (assuming your boyfriend has a good job due to the high income) and a child? It's nice that you both work 4 days, but in career positions, that also means working (from home) on weekends and evenings because 4 days are usually not enough to get everything done properly. Plus, those 3 days at daycare for the little one will also be a hassle to pick up and drop off on time (unless you hire someone to help). If you don't have childcare at home or a housekeeper, it can become quite stressful because you want (in 3 years your career will really take off) to do everything perfectly.
In short, your boyfriend has a good job, you can be pregnant in peace, have the baby, find your rhythm as a family! And maybe along the way you'll come across your dream job and start working part-time right away (because going from full-time to part-time isn't always easy) and figure out how that will work.
But then you both need to want children. And no, technically having a child never works out according to plan, but planning around kids never really works either. -
RJ #3
The most important thing is that you really want a child right now. You're wondering if it's just a substitute for work because you miss having a job. If you're not fully behind the idea or doing it just to please your husband, I'd definitely say don't do it! You can't really plan these kinds of things too far in advance. Thinking 1.5 years ago that you'd be ready now doesn't work out like that.
Besides, you have all these questions that have also gone through my head many times, because you naturally want to be able to give your child the best. A good income is really nice in that case. And I understand that having a job feels much safer. But if your desire is this strong, it'll really work out fine!
I find parenting quite tough sometimes. It's not just a pink cloud. That's why I'd advise you to start only when you're truly ready and fully behind the decision, even if your biological clock is ticking. -
Anonymous Guest #4
Is it secretly maybe also a bit the fear of the unknown, because your life naturally changes quite a bit with a little darling in your midst? -
kruimel #5
I agree with Kaatje.
There's never a perfect moment to decide you want kids. We had everything in order 11 months ago; house, boyfriend, a smoothly running business of my own, and I had a job for 30 hours a week.
Now, 11 months later, we're caught up in the medical mill (I'm 21 years old!!!) And things are going really badly for the company where I work, and they're about to fire me.. due to the crisis and the sector my boyfriend works in, things are going less well there too.
But we're just going to keep going!! The desire is too big to let something like work hold me back.
A good income is nice, but you don't raise a child on money alone.. a child needs love and attention, and I have more of that than money hihi! You'll get stuff anyway.
You both have a deadline.. your ideal picture of career-marriage-kids probably won't fit in there, I think.. so I would start setting priorities. What's more important to me: becoming a mother or having a good job? Will I regret it if I choose work, and vice versa?
Also keep in mind that if you do choose a child, it can take a long time.
Good luck!
xKruimel
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