Forum Baby wish

Help! Doubt

8 replies

Melissa Guest ·
Hi everyone

Thanks for reading my post.
I have so much doubt and can't talk about it with anyone, so I hope someone here can give me a little advice.
I really want to get pregnant, but there are things making me hesitate. Because of my dad's job, I never really had a home anywhere, changed schools too often, etc. I never managed to build a real friend group. Now, after settling down for a few years with my partner and having a strong desire for kids, I'm only now starting to build a friend group. And just in the last half-year, I finally have what I've always missed: a nice group of people to do fun things with.
But now I have this doubt about pregnancy. I'm mega scared that I'll lose this again as soon as we start having kids. We'd be the first ones in the group with kids, and I'm terrified of losing what I've waited so long for.
But I also really, really want a baby.
Anyone who can shed some light on this?

Replies

  1. Anoniempie Guest #2

    Hey Melissa. That sounds like such a tough situation for you. You finally have what you’ve been wanting in your life, and then you’re scared you’ll lose it. But why would your friends drop you if you get pregnant? Do they follow a certain belief, mindset, or culture that makes them think this could happen?

    I see it this way... If they’re real friends, they’ll stick by you no matter what happens in your life.

  2. Melissa started this #3

    Thanks for your reply.
    It's not based on anything specific, but things we do now (often go BBQing, camping with everyone, laser tag, that kind of thing) we won't be able to do so easily anymore. Of course it's possible with babysitting and stuff, but now it's often a text on the weekend, shall we all go to the lake and swim and have a nice BBQ together, and then we pack our stuff and have a nice day. And that can still happen, but not so spontaneously anymore.
    My husband says I'm seeing bears on the road that aren't there, and I think that's probably true, like you also say, I don't have a specific reason to be scared of this, but I'm doubting so much because of this

  3. vicky #4

    Hi Melissa, it's a shame you didn't mention your age right away If you're still very young, I'd say enjoy the moment and let the rest come naturally. But if you're a bit older, I'd just keep checking in on how things are going. It might be a bit less easy then, but it's not unthinkable. Once it happens, everything will fall into place And you never know how quickly a desire for a child will come true either. Some have to try for a long time. Don't think too much about it, girl; there are always positive and negative sides. As I said before, once it happens, everything will work out!

  4. Melissa Guest #5

    Hi Vicky, thanks for your reply!
    Here are my/husband's ages: I'm 27 and my husband is 34. Not young, not old, but since we're in a friend group, this will be the first one. I think the reactions would be quite positive because they're already often asking, "Oh, it would be nice if you guys had a little one." But I'm still afraid that everything will fall apart and that we won't be able to stay friends because things will be too different.
    And it could also take up to 3 years before it works, as you said. You also don't have any control over how quickly you get pregnant. It could also happen right away this time, which makes it even more scary.

  5. AM #6

    Hi Melissa,

    I get that you value your friend group a lot... that's totally understandable, but I just wanted to say... follow your own path... For the same reasons, your friends are deciding to move far away next year, and then you might regret it a lot if you don't make the choice... and real friends will make an effort to keep seeing you... for the same reasons they're doing it themselves..

    Let me put it this way... a lot of my female friends had a relationship and now it's over... they're all almost single... I'm not going to wait until they get into a relationship again. What if it doesn't work out for some reason... and now I'm just doing other things with my friends... no problem... but I understand your doubt... I had that for a long time too... it's a big responsibility too... good luck making your choice

  6. Melissa started this #7

    AM thanks for your reply.
    You're 100% right. In the same way, they're all moving to the other side of the country next week for work/love, and we've waited longer than we wanted, and then it changes again.
    I'm quite scared of changes too because I used to only have that. Now I like everything to stay exactly as it was. And that's obviously not possible.
    Doubt is so sour

  7. AM #8

    Yeah... if you finally have what you've always been looking for, it can also be tough. Maybe talking a lot about it with your partner will help, or just letting it rest for a bit, and then your feelings might become very strong with less doubt later on. Wishing you lots of success!!

  8. Iza #9

    Hi Melissa, it's so nice that you're finally where you always wanted to be, and it's only natural that a desire for a child comes with it. I understand that you don't want to lose your friend group because you're enjoying yourself so much right now, but you can always try to build a new friend group; you can't get a baby back once it's gone. When it feels like the right time for you two to start having kids, do it! Maybe your friend group will get smaller or change, but you'll also meet new people once the little one is here. Friends you can actually do fun things with kids! If the desire for a child is there, try to fulfill it because the time you have for this is so short!

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