Forum Baby wish

New baby and no one to talk to about it

9 replies

Jolanda Guest ·
Hi everyone,

I'm 28, been together with my partner for 4 years now and married for a year. We really want a baby, but the problem is: I don't have a job. My husband earns enough for us to get by, and even with a baby, we'd manage—just by being a bit more frugal, it all adds up. The only issue is that everyone around me reacts negatively whenever I hint at wanting a child. I graduated a year ago (Master's in Private Law) but still haven't been able to find work (I've applied for everything, from stocking shelves to production jobs). The comments I get are like: "Are you really going to get pregnant now?" "What a waste of your degree," "It's thrown away," "You're crazy," etc.

But we really feel ready for this (actually, we've felt this way for a long time), and financially, we can manage. But I'm struggling with so much doubt.

I can't really talk about this with my friends either—they're mostly happy singles, going out, meeting people, etc. I basically have no one to talk to, which is why I'm posting here on the forum.

Are there any other girls in a similar situation?

Replies

  1. Iza #2

    It's really annoying when everyone around you has an opinion about your life. I got pregnant (on purpose) two years after I graduated and had a job, and after my maternity leave, I even quit my job and started my own business. The first reaction I got when I told people I was pregnant was, "Was it definitely an accident?"

    I always think like this: you can work until you're 67, but you can't have kids forever. Follow your gut, and if that means getting pregnant, then do it! You yourself said it's financially possible, and love is the most important thing for a little one.

    And the advantage of getting pregnant and having your baby before you have a job is that you can start a job later where you might not need to take maternity leave. There are also benefits to being a young/early mom!

    Follow your gut and let the rest of them talk nonsense!

  2. Anoniem Guest #3

    I can relate to your story a bit. Only, both of us are working. Well, I've been on temporary contracts for 3 years now, so I could be let go every week... But in my family, they probably wouldn't appreciate it either, I think, because they believe you shouldn't start before you're 30, while my mom herself was 20??? I'm 22 and I don't care at all. We're trying Oh, and my circle of friends is also still busy going out and stuff

  3. Lies #4

    I can really relate to your story. I'm graduating soon and have been wanting a baby for a very long time. I also work with kids right now, and it sounds lovely to have a little one of your own. I also don't have anyone to talk to about this and share these feelings with. My partner would also love it if we had a baby together, but he wants me to finish my studies before we really start trying. On the other hand, I'm completely ready and over the moon. Two friends are currently pregnant, and all those baby clothes and stuff... I can just enjoy it so much. You can always work later; you're still young now and can enjoy your baby. When the child is in school, you can start working again, and it'll probably be easier to combine then. As for money, we're not going to struggle. My partner works full-time with rotating shifts, and together we can easily make ends meet, so with three of us it should work out too.

  4. Jolanda started this #5

    Thanks for all your responses. Working is still a long way off, that's true. But people around me say that if you get pregnant now, you're ruining your career for the rest of your life. That scares me. We'll manage on my husband's salary, but I don't want to stay at home for the rest of my life and feel like I wasted my studies. But if I stay home for another year, I'll think, "I should have tried back then," because a year will have passed and I won't have a job either. But that's just guessing, because you never know how things will turn out. Maybe I'll have a job in a week, maybe not for another 3 years.

    It's tough that you all relate to this situation, because it's really unpleasant.
    I dream so much about being pregnant and having a baby.

  5. Monkey #6

    Somewhat the same situation here.
    Only I tried two first bachelor's degrees, and still had to conclude each time that it wasn't really my thing.
    So I decided to start working (I was 21 then), about a year and a half ago, and for the past half year I've been studying again, but through evening classes.
    Meanwhile, I'm already 32 weeks pregnant with our first baby, and I've often gotten comments like "working, studying, and being a mom, isn't that too much?" "Shouldn't you have waited a bit longer before having kids?"
    Yes, it's not always easy, but I'm staying home after the birth, so evening classes are easy to combine.

    I'd just do what feels best for you.
    I wanted to be a young mom, and no one would have stopped me from doing that

  6. Lies #7

    I completely agree with MsMicevski.
    Do what makes you feel good, that's what really matters in the end.
    And studying while being a mom does seem tough, and it'll probably be challenging, but ultimately working and being a mom is challenging too.
    Life won't always be smooth sailing, and that's okay!
    As long as you're living your dreams.

  7. Hayat Guest #8

    Girl, in this life you can't plan anything. Maybe it'll take years before you get pregnant. Listen to your gut feeling, and everything is possible in this life.

  8. maantje #9

    Follow your gut. Basically, you're never ready when you count everything up. Honestly, I find your family a bit short-sighted... If you and your partner agree on it, no one has the right to say anything. Listen to your heart and good luck with the renovations! ;-)

  9. SuzanneW #10

    That's so annoying that your friends are saying that. If this is what you both want, then it's none of their business. If they're truly good friends, they'll support you and be happy for you!

    toitoitoi klusse

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