New to Brabbels with unfortunately too much experience.

Oh, poor girl, I think that's really unpleasant for you. I really hope you get pregnant soon. I can imagine that you're not going to let all this get you down.

First of all, I'd like to warmly welcome you to Brabbels. You've been through such tough years. I'm rooting for you that a little miracle happens soon, and I hope you can find some support here on the forum with the Brabbels ladies when you want to let off some steam.

Hi Patricia,

I don't mind at all where you write from; others and I have noticed how nice it is to read your posts and get lovely replies back.

When you want to get pregnant, you don't really expect it won't happen naturally, at least that's probably what you have in the back of your mind, but I didn't think it would turn out like it did for you guys when I was trying for my first.

I only have experience with one IUI treatment that didn't work out. That was after I already had my first child. We stopped further treatments because after a sperm analysis (I think that's what it was called), it turned out I was infertile. My eggs just didn't mature properly.

I already found it hard that getting pregnant wouldn't work out, even though we already had one child. So I can kind of imagine how it must be for you, but many times worse since you don't have any children at all.

That I'm pregnant now was completely unexpected (my daughter is already 16), and I now have a different partner. So maybe it was also due to the combination of my first husband and me.

Do you have psychological support? And do you have support from others, like family?
All just questions, but reading that you're going through a tough time, I really feel for you and hope you have help, including from your husband, of course. It seems like a huge strain on your relationship, although it could also bring you closer together.

Kind regards, Dani

Hi Dani
Geez, so you’re familiar with this too.
But it’s super nice that you get to experience that happiness after all, you probably don’t expect it anymore, and when it turns out like this, you must be over the moon.
You might never know for sure if it’s a combination with a new partner, but you should forget about that and just enjoy the moment.

IUI felt like an assault to me, but we just fell into it. The desire is so strong that you can’t find a stop button and keep thinking about it. OK, ICSI has to work if IUI doesn’t.

I never had a chlamydia screening. They took liters of blood from me and I had a laparoscopy. Everything was healthy with me. They did a laparoscopy because I found out through a municipal check-up that I had chlamydia, but luckily it hadn’t affected anything.
The only problem is that my husband has severely reduced fertility. As we always say, his sperm are as lazy as the master
ICSI had to be the solution, and it seemed to be. 60% of the eggs were rejected, but those are normal numbers. There weren’t many eggs in me either, at least they dropped off quickly, but I never got that checked. I didn’t want to know what percentage chance I still had, and with the second puncture, when 3 came out, they were little gems for me.
We enjoyed every transfer, and to keep things light, they got names (fictional names) that made us laugh and made it easier to talk about.

We didn’t get psychological help. I can talk very well with my husband, my father-in-law, and my parents. It’s hard for them too.
You lose friends in such a process. They either don’t want to be involved, or we don’t know, but they distance themselves. We’re also at an age where everyone is starting a family, and maybe they think it’s painful.
Of course, it’s painful, but we also know very well that it’s part of it. We wish them happiness, and when another baby is born, we discuss beforehand how we’ll handle the maternity visit. One understands if we can’t handle it for a while, and the other can’t or won’t understand. Everyone reacts differently.

What we do a lot now is give interviews. We’ve noticed for years that there’s a huge taboo around involuntary childlessness, and we really want to break that.
I write a lot of articles for Freya and blog occasionally for Open Zenuw, and recently I gave an interview for a book that’s going to be published. My husband and I both gave interviews for a new magazine that hopefully comes out in spring 2013. Besides, I’m friends with someone I met on Twitter who has an unfulfilled desire for children, and I’m very involved with that. I don’t know if you read the article here on Brabbels about the magazine "Uitgerekend Jij" and its related online shop, but that’s where I’m behind it. I can express myself nicely here and help so many people.

So even though I’m really going through it right now, I love being involved for all the men and women dealing with an unfulfilled desire for children.

Love, Patricia

Sending you lots of strength, I'm rooting for you!