Biechthoekje
Sad about the process
Curly
Hi everyone,
I'm writing because I need to get something off my chest and I have no idea what to do with my current feelings.
My partner and I have been in the medical fertility journey for over a year and a half now, and at the moment we're doing IUI. I'm having a hard time with this, but usually I can put things into perspective. My partner has two precious kids with her ex-partner. The divorce was quite rough, and contact is still a bit tense to some extent, but we see each other regularly during the handover times for the sake of the kids. Because of that tense contact and my partner's conflict-avoidant nature, almost all announcements are made very carefully to avoid any 'drama'. For example, her ex was practically the first to know we were getting married. Just to not put anyone on the spot, but also so she had time to get used to it before the kids heard.
The ex knows about our fertility journey because it came up once back then, and we felt it was important to play our cards open and didn't want to have to lie.
Well, last week we went to pick up the kids together, and they ran out there super excited with the news that they're getting a brother or sister. I didn't know where to look. Of course, I didn't let it show and congratulated everyone, but the look in the ex's eyes when she realized I had already heard... I can hardly describe it as anything other than triumphant.
My partner and I remain extremely positive and enthusiastic about the news towards the kids, but somehow I'm struggling with it a lot. They don't owe us any explanations, but I felt pretty screwed over because I had to put on a brave face on the spot. The fact that I got my period that same morning and it became clear this cycle didn't work out either, probably didn't help, but now, a few days later, I still feel completely knocked off course.
Does anyone recognize this feeling?
I'm writing because I need to get something off my chest and I have no idea what to do with my current feelings.
My partner and I have been in the medical fertility journey for over a year and a half now, and at the moment we're doing IUI. I'm having a hard time with this, but usually I can put things into perspective. My partner has two precious kids with her ex-partner. The divorce was quite rough, and contact is still a bit tense to some extent, but we see each other regularly during the handover times for the sake of the kids. Because of that tense contact and my partner's conflict-avoidant nature, almost all announcements are made very carefully to avoid any 'drama'. For example, her ex was practically the first to know we were getting married. Just to not put anyone on the spot, but also so she had time to get used to it before the kids heard.
The ex knows about our fertility journey because it came up once back then, and we felt it was important to play our cards open and didn't want to have to lie.
Well, last week we went to pick up the kids together, and they ran out there super excited with the news that they're getting a brother or sister. I didn't know where to look. Of course, I didn't let it show and congratulated everyone, but the look in the ex's eyes when she realized I had already heard... I can hardly describe it as anything other than triumphant.
My partner and I remain extremely positive and enthusiastic about the news towards the kids, but somehow I'm struggling with it a lot. They don't owe us any explanations, but I felt pretty screwed over because I had to put on a brave face on the spot. The fact that I got my period that same morning and it became clear this cycle didn't work out either, probably didn't help, but now, a few days later, I still feel completely knocked off course.
Does anyone recognize this feeling?
Replies
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mama_elke #2
So double and hard!
I have no experience with ex-partners and children from a previous relationship. But I do understand very well how it feels to have to struggle for a long time with a pregnancy.
And then to hear that your partner's ex is having a baby.
Big hug! -
TammyWarden #3
Good to hear that you were able to talk about this. One way to cope better with these feelings is to give yourself some space and time to process what has happened. It’s also helpful to focus on self-care; do things that make you happy and help you relax. It might also be useful to speak with a therapist who specializes in fertility journeys and the emotions that come with them. Remember that you have the right to express your feelings and that it’s important to take good care of yourself during this time. For a bit of distraction, doing something completely different can also help. For example, if you enjoy online games, you might want to check out www.gamblingcrowns.com. Sometimes escaping the daily stress for a while can make a world of difference. Know that you’re not alone and that there are always people who want to support you. -
faswqedas #4
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