Babbles
Primary school and 'mandatory' socializing?
MarleenGuest ·
Hi all you wonderful moms and dads,
I hope I can get some advice here.
We are the grateful parents of 2 beautiful kids, a 4-year-old girl and an 8-month-old baby.
Our daughter has been in group 1 since last year. It’s been quite an experience, and there was quite a bit for us to adjust to as well.
I work 3.5 days a week: Tuesday mornings, and Wednesday through Friday. My husband works 5 days a week, and we’re both off on weekends.
From Wednesday to Friday, the kids are with a lovely childcare provider where they can play a lot with other kids from the same primary school.
For our daughter, it’s been tough suddenly going to school, mom going back to work after maternity leave, and then going to childcare after school. So by the end of the week, the little one is drained, and we recharge as a family on the weekend.
On Mondays and Tuesdays, I pick them up, and wow, suddenly there are playdates! And that’s quite intense. Sometimes you have to choose who plays with whom, and it’s usually at our place. I notice that for our daughter, it’s too much 9 out of 10 times after school, and playing isn’t always fun then. She always wants to play when we’re at the playground, but once we’re home, that often changes.
That’s why I often say no to playing after school.
I also find it nice to have those two afternoons just for us, doing our own thing, going to our pony where she loves to cuddle, and relaxing without any obligations.
But I see it differently around me: other kids always go play elsewhere, and I often disappoint moms and their kids because we don’t want to play. Sometimes my daughter doesn’t, and sometimes I don’t either.
And sometimes we do, but maybe only once every two weeks.
Then guilt creeps in: Am I doing this right?
Another mom said I say no too often, because I’m limiting her social circle, while I’m fine with her playing with the same 2 or 3 kids repeatedly. (The girl in question plays with a different child every day so she builds a broad network, according to her mom, because she’ll need it later...)
This has created some guilt. Our daughter wants to play very often, but I already know she’s drained for the rest of the week, and she’s already playing with the other kids at childcare from Wednesday to Friday.
At our place, someone comes over to play 2 or 3 times a month on a Monday or Tuesday afternoon, and that’s it.
On weekends, we sometimes play with cousins, but otherwise, we enjoy our time as a family.
But still, what do you think? Am I hindering my daughter’s social development this way? She plays with various kids at school during class and breaks.
We also had a tough time after our baby was born. My husband became overworked and is thankfully recovered. I got sick myself and am thankfully better now, but I still have days where I’m very tired because of it. And as selfish as it may sound, I just don’t
I hope I can get some advice here.
We are the grateful parents of 2 beautiful kids, a 4-year-old girl and an 8-month-old baby.
Our daughter has been in group 1 since last year. It’s been quite an experience, and there was quite a bit for us to adjust to as well.
I work 3.5 days a week: Tuesday mornings, and Wednesday through Friday. My husband works 5 days a week, and we’re both off on weekends.
From Wednesday to Friday, the kids are with a lovely childcare provider where they can play a lot with other kids from the same primary school.
For our daughter, it’s been tough suddenly going to school, mom going back to work after maternity leave, and then going to childcare after school. So by the end of the week, the little one is drained, and we recharge as a family on the weekend.
On Mondays and Tuesdays, I pick them up, and wow, suddenly there are playdates! And that’s quite intense. Sometimes you have to choose who plays with whom, and it’s usually at our place. I notice that for our daughter, it’s too much 9 out of 10 times after school, and playing isn’t always fun then. She always wants to play when we’re at the playground, but once we’re home, that often changes.
That’s why I often say no to playing after school.
I also find it nice to have those two afternoons just for us, doing our own thing, going to our pony where she loves to cuddle, and relaxing without any obligations.
But I see it differently around me: other kids always go play elsewhere, and I often disappoint moms and their kids because we don’t want to play. Sometimes my daughter doesn’t, and sometimes I don’t either.
And sometimes we do, but maybe only once every two weeks.
Then guilt creeps in: Am I doing this right?
Another mom said I say no too often, because I’m limiting her social circle, while I’m fine with her playing with the same 2 or 3 kids repeatedly. (The girl in question plays with a different child every day so she builds a broad network, according to her mom, because she’ll need it later...)
This has created some guilt. Our daughter wants to play very often, but I already know she’s drained for the rest of the week, and she’s already playing with the other kids at childcare from Wednesday to Friday.
At our place, someone comes over to play 2 or 3 times a month on a Monday or Tuesday afternoon, and that’s it.
On weekends, we sometimes play with cousins, but otherwise, we enjoy our time as a family.
But still, what do you think? Am I hindering my daughter’s social development this way? She plays with various kids at school during class and breaks.
We also had a tough time after our baby was born. My husband became overworked and is thankfully recovered. I got sick myself and am thankfully better now, but I still have days where I’m very tired because of it. And as selfish as it may sound, I just don’t
Replies
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Veraaa #2
Oh, that sucks that you're feeling this way.
First off... wow, you really want to do things right, don't you! It's great that you're so involved with your kids.
Secondly... life is about making choices. You can't offer your kids everything... and you can't protect them from everything. Sure, you could offer more playdates after school if you stopped working. But hey... is that realistic? Is that what you really want? It's about choices... and finding balance.
Thirdly.... you're not depriving your child. Not at all.... I say that as a teacher, a mom, and a human being. Your child clearly gets the opportunities to develop socially. And more playdates will naturally come along in the coming years.
And then.... I'd focus on what you and your partner want as parents.... make choices... and schedule them. Maybe hang a weekly schedule at home. Indicate on it which day she can have a playdate. That way it's clear in advance.
You can limit it to once every two weeks. That's totally fine, right.
In our neighborhood, I'd also think about joint play sessions. For example, going to the playground in the neighborhood once every two weeks.... possibly as a family. If you do this at a fixed time, you'll also meet regular playmates there.
Hopefully, you can take something away from this. Good luck!! -
mama_elke #3
I really think you're doing a great job for your kids!! Hats off... both working and going, yet doing as much as possible for your kids yourself... in my opinion, you're doing well, girl!
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