Biechthoekje
Will that baby wish go away?
HeleenGuest ·
Hi!
Having some mom-struggles here.
I'm a super grateful and happy mom of 2 little treasures, one 4 years old and one 8 months old.
After the intense birth of our first, my husband and I both said we never wanted to do that again and decided to stop at one due to the traumatic experience. That was the case for a long time, but after 2 years, the urge for a second started to itch. Unfortunately, that didn't work out, and I got pregnant happily after 2 years. Our son was born via a beautiful C-section 8 months ago. We had looked forward to this pregnancy for so long, but then came corona. The pregnancy became very different: no joint appointments and certain ultrasounds, and hardly any postpartum visits. I was so looking forward to my postpartum time, but my husband was hit hard by a severe burnout after the birth. Everything went so differently than hoped. Fortunately, my husband has recovered, but unfortunately, I'm very sad that this pregnancy and postpartum period became such a gray time. I can never redo it.
After the C-section, I soon said I wanted a third someday. This was such a beautiful experience, and the kids are so beautiful. But my husband was immediately very clear: no third, not now and not later.
He feels we have too little time for our own things because of it and finds this busy enough. Also, the kids would have to share a room. He even said he'd consider getting sterilized, he's so sure about it, but he doesn't do it.
I find this difficult. Our son is still so young, but this intense desire for a third is so present. I find it hard that he says no immediately while we're still in the baby phase with broken nights etc. and he just recovered from a tough period.
He does say that if by any chance a pregnancy were to happen, we wouldn't terminate it.
I would never do anything behind his back. I'm always allowed to express my feelings, and he really gets that, but I find it hard to accept it. It was so recent, but I'd like to experience it one more time, one more little one.
Do you have tips? I'm 37 now. I think a 4-year age gap is perfect and definitely wouldn't want to go for a third now.
And again, I'm so grateful for these 2 healthy kids and a wonderful, loving husband, but I'd rather not have this longing feeling, but it's just there, and I don't know how to get rid of it.
Having some mom-struggles here.
I'm a super grateful and happy mom of 2 little treasures, one 4 years old and one 8 months old.
After the intense birth of our first, my husband and I both said we never wanted to do that again and decided to stop at one due to the traumatic experience. That was the case for a long time, but after 2 years, the urge for a second started to itch. Unfortunately, that didn't work out, and I got pregnant happily after 2 years. Our son was born via a beautiful C-section 8 months ago. We had looked forward to this pregnancy for so long, but then came corona. The pregnancy became very different: no joint appointments and certain ultrasounds, and hardly any postpartum visits. I was so looking forward to my postpartum time, but my husband was hit hard by a severe burnout after the birth. Everything went so differently than hoped. Fortunately, my husband has recovered, but unfortunately, I'm very sad that this pregnancy and postpartum period became such a gray time. I can never redo it.
After the C-section, I soon said I wanted a third someday. This was such a beautiful experience, and the kids are so beautiful. But my husband was immediately very clear: no third, not now and not later.
He feels we have too little time for our own things because of it and finds this busy enough. Also, the kids would have to share a room. He even said he'd consider getting sterilized, he's so sure about it, but he doesn't do it.
I find this difficult. Our son is still so young, but this intense desire for a third is so present. I find it hard that he says no immediately while we're still in the baby phase with broken nights etc. and he just recovered from a tough period.
He does say that if by any chance a pregnancy were to happen, we wouldn't terminate it.
I would never do anything behind his back. I'm always allowed to express my feelings, and he really gets that, but I find it hard to accept it. It was so recent, but I'd like to experience it one more time, one more little one.
Do you have tips? I'm 37 now. I think a 4-year age gap is perfect and definitely wouldn't want to go for a third now.
And again, I'm so grateful for these 2 healthy kids and a wonderful, loving husband, but I'd rather not have this longing feeling, but it's just there, and I don't know how to get rid of it.
Replies
-
Elvira #2
Here’s a somewhat similar story: we’re already on round 28 trying for a third. It also took longer for the first two, and I feel like my desire for another baby is stronger than my husband’s. I’d be open to a medical treatment, but he says it’ll happen naturally since our two kids came that way. But with help, it could happen so much faster, I think. -
Anonymous Guest #3
What are you using for contraception now? -
Sunflower #4
I don't quite get why you're putting so much pressure on this when your husband has just come out of a severe burnout. He didn't get that for nothing. The most important thing is that things stay okay for now and that he stays healthy. Sometimes you really want things to happen right away, but it just can't. As sad as it may be, the alternative is that your husband might relapse, with all the consequences that entails. At least it seems very unwise to me, and I think your husband has good points. Try to enjoy what you've built together, despite the tough times.
Add your reply
Share what helped you, or ask a question.
Sign in to join the conversation.
Continue with GoogleTakes a moment. You’ll come straight back here to reply.