Who recognizes this??

Hi everyone,
I’m curious if anyone here relates to some of these things.
Sorry in advance for the long post, but I’m trying to describe the “problem” as best I can.
The pill has completely stopped working for me since I gave birth in 2017. The mini-pill didn’t work at all, so I went back on the regular pill. After weighing the options and getting advice from my doctor, I stopped again. I still have a desire for another child, after all.
Before I had my son in 2017, I stopped the pill in September 2016 because it didn’t agree with me and I couldn’t swallow it properly (my period would still come on the 29th day even with the mini-pill). After stopping, I immediately got regular cycles, always 29/30 days. We didn’t start trying right away, but towards the end of 2016 we were like, “let’s just see what happens, if we’re pregnant, we’re pregnant.” In March 2017 it worked, and in December of that year my son was born.
Now I stopped the pill again in May because it wasn’t going well again, and we want a second child but not right away (we do have unprotected sex, but right now it’s more like “let’s see what happens,” while keeping in mind that this can always lead to pregnancy). I immediately got regular cycles of 29 days again. Until this month! According to my app, I should have gotten my period on the 18th, but so far nothing! On Friday, August 22nd, I got severe cramps for just under 5 minutes, so I really thought that was it. But no! Just occasional little twinges low in my belly (but not period cramps) and slight stabbing sensations towards my groin. I’ve also felt extremely tired for the past 2 days, even though I slept very deeply and all night long (I’m naturally a light sleeper, so I woke up multiple times during the night). I’m yawning all day and have absolutely no energy! According to my app, I’m now 8 days late. I also don’t feel like my period is coming. I haven’t tested yet. I don’t know why, but it feels like I’m afraid to (I had this same feeling in 2017 when I was pregnant), even though I really want a second child. It’s a strange feeling of dread.
Who else relates to this (even a little)? And I know that testing is the only way to get clarity right now. But as I said before, for some reason I’m just not brave enough to do it. This has nothing to do with disappointment or anything like that.