Antidepressants vs. desire for children

Hi everyone,


I’m Marie, 30 years old and new to this forum. I’m also not really familiar with online forums, but I’m at my wit’s end and hope to get some answers to my questions here (last paragraph). Or maybe find some peers, read about other experiences,...

Without going into my whole history, I’d like to share some background info. In September 2019, I started medication for my depressive feelings and anxiety. I fought against it for years, I went (and still go) to psychologists and psychiatrists, but I never wanted to take medication. Scared of all the nasty side effects, scared of losing myself, scared of letting my happiness depend on a pill,... But my psychiatrist suggested it once again, and I thought... OK, let's do it, let's see... And what a relief it was! From day 1 (even though that’s not possible), this wonder drug helped. I didn’t take things as hard, I was much more grounded and calm in life, could finally enjoy without feeling guilty, in short: I was happy. Fantastic! My surroundings noticed too, I smiled more, hadn’t cried in weeks,... I should have tried this much earlier!

After a while, I told my psychiatrist that the desire for a child was growing more and more, and that my partner and I were ready. She said I should taper off the medication first, because (according to her at the time) it wasn’t smart to get pregnant while on an antidepressant. She also thought I was strong and stable enough after 9 months of medication. In June, my tapering process started, and as of July 1, I was completely "clean" as she called it. However, just as few side effects I experienced from starting the medication, I had so many side effects from my tapering ordeal... It was incredibly heavy and very difficult. But I thought... all for the desire for a child.

Now it’s been a solid month, and I’m really not doing well. I’m, almost, back to square one. Crying spells, depressive feelings, arguments, frustrations, no desire for life,... In short: really not in the right mindset to bring a child into the world. So I’d really like to start my medication (Sipralexa) again. My psychiatrist is on leave for a month, and I can’t reach her until August 31. Just starting again on my own (I have plenty left) doesn’t seem wise, as this SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) is not necessarily recommended during pregnancy (or what I’ve read).

But that’s what my questions are mainly about. Are there women who took an antidepressant during their pregnancy? If so: which one? For the entire pregnancy? What are the experiences here for mom and baby? I’ve read so much online, and it seems like in recent years the taboo around an SSRI and pregnancy has somewhat disappeared. But I’m still very unsure and read some contradictions. Are there women with experience here? Because it seems almost like motherhood isn’t meant for me. Not without or not with medication...

Thanks in advance!


Love,

Marie