In therapy, now my husband isn't fun anymore.

I've heard that before too... A colleague of mine wasn't doing well either. She started seeing a psychologist, and a few months later, she left her husband. Even though she didn't complain about him (at least not at work).
After that, she also changed jobs, so I have no idea if that was the right choice for her in the end... But you're definitely not the only one who has questions after visiting a psychologist!

I think the psychologist is right. And I feel you're obligated to your kids and your husband to at least give it a try.
I get that you don't feel like it. And maybe it's impossible to get him on board, but you didn't just jump into a relationship to run away when things get tough, right?
Maybe he'd also want to go to therapy if he knew that otherwise he'd lose his relationship?

I had typed out a whole story yesterday. And suddenly it was gone, grrr.

Is it true that it's a bit negative? Well, if I feel bad and things go wrong, that's just what it is. Those points are there even when I feel good, but can I handle them better then or something? Those points have always been there. As for the kids, I thought it was because they were already preschoolers when he came into our lives. That it would grow along with him if he experienced it from the start. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

Right now, I don't really know where our relationship stands. My therapist talked about rewarding and taking away. If you don't do this, I won't do that. I really don't feel like doing that right now. I'm not his mother. I want a decent relationship. After 10 years, you'd think he'd finally know what I can and can't handle? I know what he can and can't handle.

It's mostly about what I'm going to do with it now. And what I want to do. I should mention that we have 3 kids, ranging from extreme behavioral problems to ADHD. I'm at home and stay a mom, so all the care falls on me. All appointments, tests, and difficult conversations. The one with behavioral problems hasn't lived at home for years. Safety is back in the house, but the worries aren't any less. It's just too much for me. I have to give up too much of myself and cancel too much to keep standing. He doesn't step up to say, "We're going to make sure you can keep doing those things." He takes everything for granted.

And of course, I've talked to him. I literally told him he needs to do this and that at certain times. He just is who he is. He's a real sweetheart, a good guy. He just doesn't see it. He does everything out of his love for me, what he feels he needs at that moment. He crosses my personal boundaries.

I really need to figure out for myself what I can and want to do now. Divorce isn't an option. It can always wait.

I'm mainly looking for recognition and how others dealt with it. I'm changing. My "I" is no longer there. I now like things I never ate before. I find things fun that I really thought were stupid. I've become much nicer and kinder. It's hard to deal with all those changes sometimes.

Thanks, anonymous. You say things I hadn't even thought of.

Like that he has to get used to my new self. He finds me even more attractive. And it's true that I didn't set any boundaries at first.

Unfortunately, work isn't an option for now. I want to look into that after my therapy.

Unfortunately, he doesn't really share his opinion or engage in conversation with me. Whenever I make a suggestion, like "I don't want any sex for now," he just says "okay." Even though I know he's already getting way too little. (He's a teen who's always home and awake, and we're early risers in the morning.) He goes along with it because he wants to do everything he can to keep our relationship good.

He goes along with it because he wants to do everything he can to keep our relationship strong.
That just shows how much he cares about you.

That's true. It's not about that. It's about me. I've changed. And I don't find him nice anymore.

I think you should actually have more sex, not less. Take the pressure off, enjoy your "new self," and bring him along for the ride. Less sex means the end of the relationship, while right now the spark should be reigniting a flame, right?